Hamster Comments, Please!

DuckyBoy would love for people to comment on the cute online hamsters we added to his blog. You can play with them and they don't smell or nip!! Enjoy!

PS, I visited Supergirl today for a minute, she was busy rutzing around in her bedding but I still said hello so she'll remember my voice.

Of course I wanted her to run up to the top level of her cage and squeak, "Take me home!" but she didn't.

Which bodes well for her as an adaptable little animal. (I'll get over it.)

I also felt really good about myself today, the school librarian had several crafty projects lined up for me, and me especially! I've basically decorated the entire library for the present time. (I do the frameworks that the kids' artwork gets displayed with.)

If I'da had my camera I'd have taken a picture of my paper-collage Border collie; next week, if I remember!

I'll Take Homework for $100

It's hard to separate when to blog about DuckyBoy on my autism website and when to talk about him here. So much of DuckyBoy's life is centered around school that I sometimes feel I'm shortchanging this blog by having Autism and Public Schools also.

This story is more about me, and about DB as a person, than truly about homework, so it belongs here.

DB has trouble with homework. It's pretty rote, it bores him, and he often has trouble focusing on it long enough to get through a word or problem, let alone the whole page. I can't (yet) figure out the pattern of what makes him more or less distracted, so we struggle along.

Tonight he wanted to go to the park next door, so I told him the standard line: After your homework.

He did his "words of the week" sentences, but then ... up and down, here and there, play, bounce, talk, imagine ... finally I went looking for my kitchen timer. DB suggested his Tribot, which we set for 10 minutes.

He sat at his desk, pencil in hand, and started to ask questions:

What if he [Tribot] goes off and I'm not done? (Answer: As long as you're almost done, meaning more than halfway through the last page, we'll go to the park when you're done.)

And then: What if we get done and go to the park before he goes off?

The thought of this was So.Laughable.To.Me: that in 8 or so minutes he'd complete both math pages, one of which we'd already struggled to begin and set aside to come back to: that I burst out, "If you're done before that timer goes off, I'll give you $100."

He sat straight up and turned into a Math Wiz. I spent the next 8 minutes wondering if I was going to be able to pay him over time or if he'd demand the entire wad upfront...

Fortunately, Tribot alarmed on the 2nd-to-last problem. Whew!

DB tried to negogiate for a $98 payment, since he was so close. Fortunately, earlier we'd watched an episode of Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman where Fetch had stuck to the rule about some matter of points. So I had an ally in sticking to my guns.

I don't know if it was the surprise factor or the sheer audacity of the number or both, but it sure got him going! I'll have to think of something else for next time ... or else be prepared to cough up some dough when I miscalculate how fast he can work!

A New Bathrobe

I saw a bathrobe for DuckyBoy at Sears a couple of weeks ago, and have had enough extra cash for it and been wanting to go get it for a week now. It's the right time of year, nice and cold, and his old one is so small it's useless.

Finally yesterday, I took him to Sears and got it. I was glad he was with me -- the 6/7 is perfect for him to grow into while the 4/5 is almost too small ... but just by looking at it I really couldn't tell! I couldn't imagine my little guy was big enough to wear that 6/7!

So this one is almost floor-length, Husband says he looks like a boxer. He'll be able to wear it for a nice long while.

It's a cozy fuzzy robe with a polar bear on the back. I can tell he likes it, as he snuggled into it after his bath.

I like that he can appreciate getting something like that -- there are times we wonder whether he simply sees every situation as an opportunity to acquire, and if he takes everything he has for granted.

So for him to enjoy what could be a little thing like a new robe makes me feel good.

DuckyBoy Update

DB had a great day today!

As I planned, in the car going to school we practiced responding to other children being named Citizen of the Month. I only suggested not to shout out angrily; on his own, DB responded with clapping and saying "Yay, [whatever name I said.] You deserve it, good for you, etc." One name he said, "Booooo," and we discussed the inappropriateness of that, then tried again. Did I ever high-five and praise him for those positive responses!! (Do you know how hard it is to high-five someone in the backseat while you are driving?)

At pickup time this afternoon, his teacher could HARDLY WAIT to tell me how well he did, he did exactly what we practiced. The teachers were so pleased they ALSO wrote me a note, which is out of character for them (at least it has been in the past). And he earned a rubber duck, which means a lot to him.

Sorry to those who have a less traditional faith, but praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Because, although I'm delighted to think I helped with the success, it surely wasn't just what I did. My efforts alone have never done this well before, lol.

And after gymnastics? DB ate TWO Wendy's kid burgers AND two servings of french fries. Being a good citizen really works up an appetite! (He told me he "devoured" his snack and his lunch. How many 6-year-olds use the word "devoured?)

What Do YOU Have to Say?

Whoops, a week with no posts? How can that be. Oh, wait, it's only Wednesday. Feels like Friday, doesn't it?

Anyway, let's dish. Restaurant critic Gael Greene has been ousted from NY Magazine after almost 40 years.

I heard it on the radio the other day and just now had a chance to find out how she felt about it. This amusing link makes it clear that she was not ready to retire anyway (which was my suspicion).

Now, I could go on about the state of the publishing industry as a whole -- every day it's something, whether PC magazine going entirely online or Houghton Mifflin deciding not to acquire anything new. Just for right now, they say. Riiight.

Am I sad? Not really. For one thing, although I met some great people and learned a lot, I found publishing as an industry to be cliquish and closed and I never felt a full part of it. For another, I'm not part of it any more.

And last but not least, I've always felt I had something to say, and lots of other people have something to say, that don't fit in that box. My stint at ClubMom, now CafeMom.com, was a great eye-opener as to how many "ordinary" women out there have something unique, helpful, and heartwarming to say.

And now I've discovered article marketing, which can be as hard-core salesly or soft-sell informational as you want to be. Since I've been writing this blog, I've become more convinced that I do have something to say, and I've gotten back in touch with my love for helping others share their story and/or expertise. Helping people do that via article marketing is a perfect match for my skills and passions.

And that is what I have to say today! How about you?

Haiku for Speaking Up

I am so tired
of listening with friendly ears
to others who rant ...

... and think I agree
because I sit quietly --
time for something new.

I'll share my thoughts too;
surely someone wants to know.
I can speak up too!

How to tag this one?
"Citizen" is from school days
but it fits here too.

This is what I want,
to teach my son to speak up
in his adult life.

Not that I think he'd have a problem with that if left to his own devices ... but I certainly have struggled with speaking up, and making my voice heard.

Bacon: It's What's For Bedtime Snack!

DuckyBoy is still a picky eater but now he eats much MORE of what he does eat.

He's liked bacon for a while, but last weekend he ate almost an entire package of Oscar Mayer Ready to Serve Bacon. Tonight, after wolfing down a frozen oat-bran waffle (toasted and buttered), about 10 mini chicken nuggets (close to a full serving per the package), a Tofutti ice cream cone (with an extra scoop of ice cream added halfway through) and a Peeps ghost for good measure, he STILL wanted an after-bath snack an hour later. But he didn't like the sound of anything else sweet; he went for 1/4 cup of penne with Grandma's spaghetti sauce! He ate the whole (albeit small) bowl of pasta with gusto.

And then, bacon! I wonder how much of it he'd have eaten if it hadn't been bedtime. The guy sure can pack it in at night. No wonder he never wants breakfast!

I'm delighted he wants to eat more. Now I just need to wean him off at least a few of his expensive, prepackaged tastes -- chicken nuggets, Glenny's caramel-peanut-butter marshmallow bars, and single-serve Tetrapaks of chocolate almond milk, to name a few $1-a-pop items. Of course he gets his appetite when we try to start our own business and live off our savings!!

I think I'll keep the Ready to Serve bacon; if I had to cook bacon from scratch in that quantity, I never would. And it's one of the few high-protein foods he really likes.

Another exciting food experience to report today: (and, pork-related): After I opined at the grocery store that he was going to have to learn to like ham so he could taste different brands of cold cuts to tell me which his father would like, he actually ... hold your breath... TRIED SOME! Of his own free will. He liked that I reminded him that I think he's a "Supertaster." I think his father is too. Who else do you know who can tell two national brands of peanut butter apart? I live with two people who can.

Speaking of peanut butter, I've got to go to plan B for DB's protein-rich breakfast and snacks at school; a note came home just a few days ago that the peanut-allergy problem has hit our school. Peanut butter is still allowed in the cafeteria (where there's a peanut-free table), but not in the classrooms. Anyone have an opinion on whether almond milk or cashew butter and the like are acceptable alternatives? The Web sounds a bit scary on the cashews, maybe we'd better keep them at home. I'll know more after I call the school nurse about it tomorrow.

People I Dislike

In the past 43 years I can't remember meeting anyone I seriously disliked. In 2008, so far, I've met 2. Two! What's that say?

Wow, Great Party!

We just had DB's 3rd-of-3 birthday parties for the year. Do ya think he's turned 6 enough?

I actually think this was a good year to celebrate a lot. So far he's doing really well adjusting to school. First week was a bit rough, but now that week 2 is behind him, he seems to be getting into the swing of things.

We've got a printed list of what we need to accomplish in the mornings (which helps me as much as, if not more than, it does him), he has a nice long swim lesson with another student, a girl who's a better swimmer than he is -- good for the stretch! We're getting the breakfast-snack-lunch components tweaked so he's not complaining of being hungry in the mornings (why are wholesome foods so expensive? I spend $100 at the grocery store, then pick up a few things at the health food store and it's another $50!) And he's already had one social story come home about being flexible re: who walks him from the bus to class in the mornings.

Oh, and no early session on Fridays, so he gets to watch tv and take a little more time getting ready one day a week. (I wanted that last year, but they slotted in an OT session he wasn't supposed to miss.)

And while a bump on the head yesterday stopped him from getting back into the swing of things at gymnastics, at least he was there for a few minutes (while he recovered; he bumped his head across the street from the gym) in prep for being there Today! For! His! Party!

I was a bit of a crazy person this morning; I baked his cake(s) last night but had to cut and frost them into a bear today, and we had an appointment at the accountant (is there a prize for being the last people to file your '07 taxes?) at 9:30 and I had this idea we had to leave at 1 for the party.

Fortunately, around 11 am I realized our party did not start until 4:00, so I had a chance to relax. (Once I called the restaurant we were ordering chicken satay from and corrected the pickup time from 1:00 to 3:00!)

And at least the cake was all done!


{Edited to add: I'm so proud of my cake
I uploaded it to the Website
that gave me the idea, Coolest Birthday Cakes.}

So, Party. DB did great; when he needed a break from the noise and activity, he took one; he sat on a rocking toy by himself, or came out into the vestibule for a drink, and about 5 minutes before the end of the gym portion, which is long -- an hour! -- he simply staked his claim at the table in front of a slice of pizza and waited for everyone else to join him.

It's nice to go somewhere that the staff knows your child, and lets him do what he needs to do. As they do in class, they encourage him to rejoin the group, but don't see the need to force it during a party.

Sure, there were a couple of glitches. We did Bears2Go along with the gym, and the first thing they do is color the shopping bag they'll put their bear in. He was anxious, probably just because I wasn't in the room with him, and needed to be sure I'd help him stuff his bear. Once reassured, he wrote his name and a couple of cute happy drawings on his bag.

Since we've attended other parties there, he's been waiting for his turn to be "in the parachute" --the b'day kid gets tossed around. So when the parachute came out, DB wanted to hop into the center right away, but they had a few warm-ups to do first. He had a hard time listening to that answer, and waiting, but after a few stern words from me (I basically said, "You can calm down and wait, or we can go home ... ") he dealt with it.

And then he was great. Even rolled in the big circle (hard to describe...)
ate pizza-with-the-cheese-removed (his choice to have regular pizza be the food -- it's what everybody serves, so I think he just wanted the whole package), tolerated the always-off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, blew out his candle -- didn't even wig out when the candle blew out as the cake was placed in front of him, just waited --waited!! -- while it was relit, blew it out, ate a bit of cake, WOW.

As I write it all down, I'm blown away. And I even got a super-nice compliment from Husband that I did a great job with the party.

This was a big expense that we agreed to and then promptly lost our steady source of income. I'm glad we did it. I like having parties at home, will happily continue them in the future, but this was really special.

And the look on those little girls' faces when they got to pick a Unicorn!! With Heart-shaped Feet! to stuff? Absolutely Priceless.

Haiku Friday, With Minutes to Spare

Tummy full sushi
Hancock was a good movie
$7 dollars left

Cheap weekend ahead!
But that's OK, it's date night
First month with budget

Thinking good thoughts now
For Christina studying --
You will pass this test!

DuckyBoy and I had a great time today, we went to the Museum of Natural History with our friends, he did well with his classmate and it was good for both of us to have someone else to interact with.

The most interesting thing for me was when he wanted to sketch one of the dinosaurs -- my friend's idea, thanks, M! -- and he sketched one of the bones plus the band holding it to the other bones.

That just confirms something I already know -- he really notices details! It made sense later when he was kind of running into people on the sidewalk, not getting out of their way -- I realized, he is looking at so many small details that interest him, like in a store window, the font on an advertising sign, or whatever, he probably simply doesn't see the big blobs (the people).

Family Frisbee

Yesterday we drove 2 hrs (almost) to an extended family gathering -- my family, for once!! Yeah!! -- upstate. Great to see cousins and even my Uncle Mike, whose name isn't really Mike.

The other very great part was me, DuckyBoy and Husband playing Frisbee in my cousin's backward. A real sporty-type outdoor activity! All 3 of us! It lasted numerous minutes, more rounds than I can count!

And DB was good at it -- he knew (and said) "Gotta point my shoulder where I want it to go." He was open to Husband's coaching to also look where you want the disc to go. He was, point in fact, better than me!

Now, where do you suppose he learned the shoulder thing? I think APE, also known as adaptive phys ed. They only had it this year, and there was some back-and-forth by other moms about whether or not it was helpful, yadda yadda, and the school had trouble finding a place for them to have it -- apparently they were in the hallway at least some of the time. I know they went to the playground, too, which is good.

It's already been cancelled for next year, though -- Round 2 of the experiment. That's OK too, might as well see if he can get used to being in gym with everyone else.

But if he learned to play Frisbee, it was a year well spent!

Speed Racer

Over 2 hours, and DuckyBoy was as good as at Cars, maybe even better. The graphics were amazing, and I think he was even able to follow the plot -- enough, anyway.

I was surprised at a couple of "bad words" -- a** is the one I remember. DB hears them from time to time but I didn't like to find them in a predominantly kids movie.

Husband and I enjoyed it also. I looked at my watch twice, which is always my benchmark of the pace of a movie. But this time once was just out of curiosity as to how much time had passed, and the second was because DB was concerned that at a certain point it might be just about over (there was still 20 minutes left).

We were just as happy to have missed most of the previews, though, because that would have clocked us in at over 2 and a half hours in the theater. As it was, the 11:05 showtime meant we all had popcorn and pretzels for breakfast!

This afternoon, DB was grouchy -- as grouchy as he was in the morning, shortly after I got up, when he wanted to play but was just ... too ... bored. So this afternoon I suggested he watch his triops swim around -- we have, like, 7 this time around! -- and wonder of wonders, he did actually find that relaxing. Yay, sometimes my ideas work!

He also wanted to paint a box to look like Mach 6, Speed Racer's car. When I was unable to produce a big enough box for him to sit in, he decided he wanted to repaint The Duck Truck -- an old cardboard apple box from 3 or 4 years ago that's seen a lot of action as The Duck Truck, thanks to me drawing wheels on the sides in crayon way back when. (Plus it has a door cut into one side, since when we first made it he was too small to climb in and out.)



So we did, and it looks great. Two things impressed me -- the length of time he was able to focus on painting one whole side of it; and his willingness to use the beloved Duck Truck for a new, bigger-boy interest.

As Trixie says in the movie, Cool beans!

Memorial Day Parade

And, a good time was had by all.

I was on the fence about whether or not to take the guys to the "biggest Memorial Day parade in the U.S." I love parades and honoring those who serve our country, so the combination in a Memorial Day parade works for me, but I wasn't sure if Husband or DuckyBoy would be up for it. Unknown location, didn't know how big the crowd would be, how far we'd have to walk, would we be able to see anything, how long would it be, and on and on.

Then yesterday morning, DuckyBoy mentioned that his friend S. would be marching in a parade with her Girl Scouts. Having already looked up the info, I knew it had to be this one -- so my decision was made!

There were enough people that it wasn't lonely, but we got there in time to get a great parking spot, a bit of curb to sit on, and even some shade. There were enough vehicles and bagpipes for DuckyBoy and enough sidewalk for Husband to sit down.

It was 2 hours, and they were having a good enough time that we could stay for the whole thing. I can't wait to watch it again next year!

On the way home we were going to go to Speed Racer, but DuckyBoy said he was so tired he didn't think he could sit through a movie! And he's been asking to see this one, so we took him seriously and just came home, which must have been the right choice.

But he doesn't seem sick... now we're just asking ourselves, what did we do right? And when?? So far the theory seems to include getting him up and out on Saturday morning, to something new that interested him (especially the worms), and then a chance to play with an active, yet easy-going, boy near his own age.

Now, how do we line that up every weekend...

Saving Every Little Thing

This post was inspired by a post I came across earlier today, from a mum, er, mom in Australia. I love how the Internet has enabled those of us with hit-or-miss chunks of time to share common experiences at the times we have available, yet it’s still able to be interactive and timely. Anyway this started out as a comment on her blog post and I ended up saying so much that I cut it short and thought I’d muse longer in my own space.

I save most of DuckyBoy’s artwork and his school papers. I even try to keep the homework in order, though it does pile up haphazardly.

Most schoolwork I keep in a drawer. Last year for the preschool stuff and so far this year, I've managed to fit everything in one dedicated drawer. At the end of the school year last year I went through and got rid of a few duplicates, transferred the rest to a box and put it who-knows-where.

I want to keep almost everything, even the handwriting exercises from school, so I have a record of where he was at this point. Those of us with a child on the autism spectrum get a little freakish about tracking progress (one mom I know even puts everything in a 3-ring binder; I only wish I were THAT dedicated).

Once DB can really write all his letters, I won't be so in love with the preliminaries anymore and can toss them then... maybe. Or maybe I’ll let him decide once he’s old enough that I can keep all the boxes in HIS closet. Meanwhile, he seems to enjoy looking back through the homework to see what he’s learned.

I've dedicated a whole wall to artwork I can tell he's proud of. Occasionally I take something down to make room for a new favorite; by then there's usually something old enough that I can stand to say goodbye (only as it goes into the drawer, not discarded, mind you).

And I've got a couple of favorites I want to frame, like the homage to Joan Miro they did in art class. In kindergarten! Wild. And the one I scanned and put on DuckyBoy’s blog. I wish I had the technical enthusiasm to do more of that. But even if I scanned everything, as someone suggested to the Aussie mum, I’d still never throw out the original! Especially after I deemed it scan-worthy, it must be archived properly!

I do sneak the lesser-loved pieces into the recycling bin by folding and burying them ... things like drawings on the back of a diner placemat, and other things he scribbles while trying to occupy himself somewhere. Generally I let them lay around for a week or so first until we're all tired of the pile.

We have issues with saving things larger than paper, too. It pained me to get rid of "the clubhouse," which started life as the gigantic box that our 65-inch flatscreen TV came in. We had a blast with that for a long time, even moving it from one room to another when it got in the way. It lasted through multiple playdates, even a party. We turned it on its side for awhile and it became an indoor lemonade stand.

But, after a couple of months, it was just … in the way. I got tired of the compromises I had to make to keep it – like not being able to get at DuckyBoy’s bookshelves. Not only were we limited in which books we could reach, uh read, but also I couldn’t put any away of the ones we did finagle out.

And as for the craft projects—well, let’s just say I have 2 Mars rovers and one moon rover I don’t dare get rid of. Because, God forbid we read or see something about a moon rover and our model made from a broken plastic car, tin foil, a straw, and a cupcake liner is no longer accessible! It would be a disaster of Biblical proportions! At least, I think so. The best-case scenario would be that we’d have to immediately make another one. So I might as well keep this one.

We also have a felt octopus and a toothpick-prickly sea urchin. The octopus is from a Cheerios recipe book, but thankfully we never got around to putting the O’s in place, so I don’t mind it sitting around.

DuckyBoy was on a kick for, like, 6 weeks, where he was bringing home a craft book every week from school. I thought we were gonna have to move to a bigger place!! Fortunately he didn’t insist on making every project, and we didn’t even have to do one from each book after a couple of weeks, but it was still a sweat for me. Which I really, really didn’t want to let show, because I love that he likes to make things from found objects, and I’d bet he picked up on my enthusiasm for the first craft book and wanted that to continue.

He especially loves the Crafts for Kids Who Are Wild About... series, which I see on Amazon is about 10 years old and also, I might add, aimed at grades 2-5. I’m sure he also enjoyed that Mommy had to read it to him!

He also loves to make things from the 2 bins of materials—from foam trays to coffee tins to cardboard tubes—that I keep “just in case.” In fact, the other day he wanted to make a marble run, so I went to get the (expensive, I might add) heirloom-quality wooden marble run set from the closet. But no, he said, he really wanted to make one from “the stuff,” which means I have to fashion a Rube-Goldberg creation that never really gives us much marble action (a fact which is lost on him).

*Sigh.* Can I love this in him and grow weary of it at the same time?

The Ugly Duckling

From just before age 3 till at least or almost 4, DuckyBoy's favorite movie was The Ugly Duckling, given to us by DuckyBoy's pre-preschool ABA teacher (who wasn't really very ABA but that's another story). He used to watch it every day we'd let him, and more than once if we'd let him.

It wasn't long before I got the metaphor loud and clear -- my son IS the Ugly Duckling, and it very well may not be until he grows up until he finds his place.

He hasn't watched it in many months -- but is home sick today and asked to put it on. It doesn't hold his attention so much any more, which is a wonder that it ever did since there are few wheeled items and, horror of horror, musical numbers with very little action. But still, it's playing in the background while he plays a computer game. (And, just now, making up a little song that rhymes, mind you, about how much he loves the game.)

And so, the day after we reviewed his kindergarten progress report en famille, I am thinking again about how he does not quite fit in with the school regimen. Husband and I were surprised that he received "at grade level" marks in computer and science.

Did I mention he's playing computer games On.His.Own.Laptop? How is he not above grade level in this subject?

And the kid knows more than I do about electromagnetics and everything else there's a Magic School Bus book about. How is he not above grade level in science?

I'll have to wait until conference on Thursday to ask. It could be that waaaaay more is expected of kindergartners these days than I think. But it also may have something to do with the curriculum being presented, the way in which they are asked to learn about it, or the way in which they are asked to repeat the knowledge they've gained. But this much is true: Something doesn't fit.

I feel at risk for being One Of Thoooose Parents ... you know, the ones who demand My Little Genius be given full credit for all the intelligence We Know He Has!

But the way I see it, he's in a program that's supposed to be teaching him in such a way to use his strengths and develop his weaknesses. I hear about the development of weaknesses and see improvements in those areas. So I'd like to ask why it doesn't look like his strengths are being maximized.

Whatever the shortfall is, maybe those are areas we all can work on:

* If the subject matter is too basic, maybe I can help by explaining to him how, say, 3D shapes are important to know for, say, planning the trajectory of a Mars rover.

* If the way the material is presented bores him, maybe he needs a fidget or a reward for sitting through it.

* If the way they're asked to repeat what they've learned is the sticking point, maybe there is a need to experiment with other modes of "testing" --as far as I know there aren't tests per se in kindergarten but maybe there are alternatives to whatever they're being asked to do. (If it's color and write words, for example, those are his toughest areas. Maybe he could bring it home, or fill in blanks, or choose from multiple choice.)

The only other area where he was below grade level was for "Writes daily." No surprise there. He comes up with great stories; he just hates writing them down. I know the actual process of forming letters and spelling words is a chore for DuckyBoy; don't know how to solve that one but maybe I can put my head together with the teachers. At least I can suggest that maybe this is something that needs to be addressed on his IEP, instead of something that needs to be endured by him (and by them-- they set a timer and, I imagine, have to babysit him during that whole time).

I'm confident my ugly duckling is going to be fine as an adult. I just don't want him to feel bad about himself in the meantime for things that are differences, not faults. I don't want him to lose those strengths, like storytelling, imagination, and curiosity -- due to sheer disinterest in the way he has to do those things at school.

DuckyBoy and the Jar of Bottle Caps

DuckyBoy was very excited when I picked him up from school yesterday -- "My teacher has something to show you!" he said.

And sure enough, she did -- a large plastic soup container (like from a deli) with a few bottle caps (like from bottles of water and soda) in the bottom.

Each time DuckyBoy does a good thing, he gets a bottle cap -- teachers and classmates can put in a cap. And when the container is full, he gets to be Citizen of the Month!

He's waay excited. I'm impressed and delighted that they chose to start it the day before the next winner of the award gets announced (today); this way he has a tangible reminder that it can become real for him, too. I wonder if the winner today will be another of his friends -- that was really difficult for him a couple of months ago.

And what a stinker he is -- yesterday was the first day, and he got like 10 caps! When the behavior that needs to be changed is pointed out to him, and he knows and wants the reward, he KNOWS how to do the right thing.

The same with sleeping in his own bed -- he can stay out of my room for as many nights as it takes to earn whatever reward -- it used to be a trip on the AirTrain when his preschool was right there in Jamaica. But as soon as he got the reward, he'd revert to his old ways. Stretching it out too long didn't work -- he'd just forget, or give up. I hope that doesn't happen here. I bet it won't -- I think they've got a good plan.

And his teacher also said to him, when the jar fills up and he gets the award, they can work toward something else.

He wants one at home, too, "but not with bottle caps," he said. I was thinking maybe pennies. And I can think of a lot of things he can earn them for, too. But, now, what to work toward, hmm!

Doh!

Just a quick update about my CVS Bucks I blogged about last month... I let half of it expire! Drat!

*Sigh.*

At least the coupon I let expire was the "freebie" sent to me for my birthday, not the one I "earned" with my purchases. Somehow that makes me feel better.

Ups and Downs

DuckyBoy has been doing really well lately -- at least at home. No word yet on the whole Citizen of the Month issue --and the assembly to announce February's winners is tomorrow so he's probably not going to get the honor this month. (But I've got the milk-free chocolate chips and nondairy shortening ready to go, when the time comes! The winners get to have lunch with the principal, and she makes chocolate chip cookies.)

It will be interesting to hear what the teachers have to say, next week at conferences, about how he's doing. It's only been a few weeks since we got the progress reports, wherein they said he was resistant to being challenged in math and they seemed put out by that.

One of the bloggers who inspired me to start, Kari at The Karianna Spectrum, just posted a book review (related to the "blog blast" last week about child's strengths) that starts by mentioning her brother's disinterest in high school math.

Now, granted, that was high school and this is kindergarten. But does it really matter if DuckyBoy is ahead of his grade level in math? Is it going to get him anything to be able to count by 20s a few months ahead of everyone else in his class?

I agree he could use a challenge at this point in the year; he knows what to expect most of the time at school and therefore is a bit weary of the whole thing. But if a math challenge doesn't jazz him, I think it's not the right challenge.

Perhaps, and I'm thinking out loud here to psych myself up for what I might suggest at parent-teacher conference next week, he could be challenged in Writing Center instead -- to write a longer story, or more complex, or on his own subject -- something like that. Hoo boy, I'd better take Husband with me. I'm very likely to chicken out at suggesting that. Teacher anxiety!!

Kari has always has been able to put into words what I am thinking, and her review of Your Child's Strengths is no exception. Her son is a year older than DuckyBoy; she writes:

I see qualities that will make him go far when he is older, but it is difficult for him to conform to societal expectations of who a first-grader should be. The exact qualities that make "spirited" children such a "burden" to their teachers are the same qualities that will help them think outside the box and be true innovators in adulthood.

That's how I often feel about DuckyBoy -- that SOME of the very qualities that frustrate his teachers and therapists are what is going to make him uniquely qualified to make HIS contribution to the world.

I try not to tell myself he will accomplish some Great Task, like cure cancer or hunger or go to Mars or some of the other outrageous things I sometimes imagine -- or he talks about, since he is, well, five, and that's what you're supposed to imagine when you're five. I've been reading about co-dependent mothers who think that way and, well, it ain't pretty. Unless you like Clay Aiken, I guess.

But anyway -- what I try to focus on is keeping an eye on the right mix of intervention and support that will enable him to function in society without losing who he is. And finding that right mix is often a murky and twisted path. (Is that a mixed metaphor? Sorry.)

I am reading Look Me in the Eye by John Robison -- thanks, Marg!! -- and he is clearly a genius in whatever area he chooses. His early life was difficult in part because he received little-to-no support for any of his ASD traits; my hope for DuckyBoy is that he will be able to accept himself for who he is earlier in life and go from there.

I also like what a complelling storyteller Robison is -- reminds me of my guy!

Dr Seuss Day

Today parents were invited to come into DuckyBoy's school and read Dr. Seuss books to the students, in as many classes as you felt comfortable with (15-minute increments, up to 4 classes).

Now, I really like to read, so I went. I should simply feel like did a good thing. yet I still feel like I shoulda done better (as my coach likes to say, "We're shoulding on ourselves again...") *Sigh.*

I just wish I wasn't the first reader in DuckyBoy's class. I would have picked a different, shorter book. I didn't know what to expect! For the second class I read to, I picked a shorter book and there was more time for discussion. I read that same shorter book to class #3 and they liked it so much they wanted an encore! (Their teacher said no.)

I also wish I'd known I could bring in my own books instead of having to choose from the ones left in the library by the time I got there. Or even that I could choose one in each classroom.

I get so ashamed that Someone will find out I don't know, that I just pick something and do something and it's not always the best choice.

I did last week try to ask who picked the books, but didn't get an answer. I only asked one person though. I could have taken in books and simply not read them if the books were preselected, but I was embarrassed. They might laugh at me if I do it wrong.

I think I have unresolved shame issues with school, don't you?

I had a good time. I just wish I could do it over again. I hate when I feel this so strongly over an issue so small. I hope DuckyBoy enjoyed having me there. He seemed to enjoy the book I read -- in fact he seemed more into it than his classmates -- so it's probably fine. I hope I do alright at not letting how I feel about the way the morning went color how he feels about it -- after all, it's not even about me, it's about him.

Updated to add: DuckyBoy did enjoy having me there. He told me as he got off the bus (always an interesting indication of what's on his mind, as he's been sitting and staring for about an hour), "You were the first reader in our room." Hopefully he meant that as a good thing, haha -- it seemed so.

He also remembered the part of the book I read that reminded him (us) of another Dr. Seuss book. The one I read, Scrambled Eggs Super!, had one page where the name of the creature rhymes with where it lives and another critter lives in almost the same place with a different name and it's hard to tell them apart --the Chiffs live on cliffs and the Chags live on crags, something like that. It reminded him of a page in one of the Dr Seuss books we own wherein a similar problem occurs. It's that "making connections thing."

What Are DuckyBoy's Strengths?

Ooo, now this is eerie. A God-incidence, perhaps? Something I stumbled across while perusing blogs is a perfect fit with my family's thoughts today.

DuckyBoy's dad was just telling me this morning that he heard a study saying a high percentage of kindergarteners have a clear area of skill they're really good at, like words or math, and as kids get older the percentage who still have something they're really good at drops by a lot. He was musing on what if there were a school that really focused on DuckyBoy's strengths, like with words, and just taught him the basics of math -- you know, enough to get by but not making him crazy with trig or other things he'll never use if it's not his thing.

And then I sat down at the computer and remembered it's the last day to participate in a so-called "blast" about children's strengths by a group called the Parent Bloggers Network. (As near as I can define it, a "blast" means you all post on the same subject.) Turns out this one is in collaboration with an author named Jenifer Fox, who from her bio I'd also call an education expert. She is leader of something called the The Strengths Movement in Schools. Which deals with this very issue.

(Frankly, they had me at "Hello. Write about your child's strengths." So this is just overwhelming!) So, here I go.

A big thing I think will really serve him well in his life is his strength at making connections: "This (new) thing is like that other thing I already know..." or "This has X in common with that."

Back in August I tried to explain this strength of his to our old (as in no longer at the school) social worker when she was at our house for the kindergarten intake interview. So after I said, "He's good at making connections between things" she said, "Oh, he likes to build things?" *Sigh.* How as I going to dumb it down enough for her? Not sure I did -- you either get it or you don't.

Anyway, so that wasn't one of her strengths...

Another of Duckyboy's is his memory. It's a bit of a cliche for someone with Aspergers to have this. (Aside: He doesn't officially have Aspergers but his NDP calls him "Aspergers-ish"; the way I see it, he didn't talk early so she can't check every box that officially fits the condition, but he tends that way on the spectrum.) He can hear a book once and, the next time through, correct you if you get a word wrong. This is selective, however -- does he remember his socks go in the hamper? No. Does he remember the homework assignment from the top of the page to the bottom? Not always. So I don't think he's a photographic-memory capital-G Genius, like Rainman, but he's got a good memory.

It's cool when something happens like, he knows the President has a family because we saw a photo of them 10 minutes before -- a photo (and conversation) I'd already forgotten. It's less cool (for both of us) when he's trying to make me repeat or remember something we did together -- "You know, the make-a-snowman? We called it doggie glue? It was homework..." *Sigh.* Oh well, I figure those situations give him a chance to strengthen his patience; he's given me a very good description, I just still can't remember. I reassured him his father struggles with me on that too.

I think his memory also helps him learn new skills; his dislike of being told what to do counteracts it, but his ability to remember what he's been told about the right way to behave (at school, especially) certainly works in his favor. The social-stories books that his ST writes help with that since they offer a visual reinforcement.

Which is another strength, compared to me at least: He notices visual details. He made a drawing of Donald Duck last week that, while doesn't exactly look like Donald Duck, captures the details, right down to the 2 buttons on his shirt and the 3 parts of his hat: the brim, the top poufy part, and the little pointy ribbon.

Next, I'd say verbal skills. The guy uses words and phrases you'd never expect from a 5-year-old. And he uses them correctly, a fact his teachers corroborate. It's more common on the spectrum to find a kid using big words but incorrectly; he does that sometimes, but I think the reason is more that, well, he's five for pete's sake. Even geniuses (not that I'm saying he is one, I'm just making a point) must have some learning curve!

His use of words goes over many people's heads; they simply cannot fathom that a small child is speaking to them the way he does.

Now, this does let some of his spectrum-ness show; he'll launch into a full explanation of whatever he's currently doing to whomever happens to cross this path. For example, he told the 2nd-most-harried mom in our building this morning, "I am the President of the United States." She, being in the midst of wheeling her child to his school bus, can't be blamed for giving him a rather blank look. He told her daughter yesterday, and it was Urgent! Urgent! that he Tell.Her.Right.Now! as she was leaving the building to get on her own school bus. DuckyBoy poked his head out the door, actually called her name, and said, "They're having a Powerful Person Day at my school tomorrow and I'm going to be the President." Poor kid (she's a teen); she looked momentarily flummoxed and then... just... got on her bus. I'm not sure I would have known what else to do either!

I never know what he's going to do when this stuff happens; I don't want to "shush" him, so I just tell him afterwards that it wasn't a good time since the bus was waiting. Any hints on future handlings welcome...

But I digress. Another strength: Duckyboy's imagination and creativity in telling stories. He can spin a great tale, though he goes so fast I can barely follow them sometimes, let alone remember the whole complicated thing long enough to write it down.

It's no wonder he abhors it when my stories (which can be pretty good, if I do say so myself) take a turn for the pedantic --"And then the duck didn't listen to his mommy so he didn't get to eat dessert. The End."

He's also creative about describing things he's going to invent in the future. That's fun to listen to -- machines that fly, drive for you, ignore red lights. This is a popular pastime while we're driving on QB!

Finally, I'd say that he is a surprisingly good traveler. Especially for a kid on the autistic spectrum, who craves routine and sameness (usually), he is interested in new places and experiences (usually).

Well, this lacks the detailed examples that I wish it had, but maybe I'll think of those later and add them in. I wonder what tells me about my strengths.