It makes total sense to me that DuckyBoy has taken to the characters of the Transformers, especially now that we've discovered the animated series on Cartoon Network.
Robots that turn into vehicles? Just his thing! Coupled with the fact that, in the animated series, the robots are trying to figure out the customs and norms of life on earth, just as he is.
He's been enchanted by the whole idea for at least 2 years -- his Optimus Prime costume is headed into its 3rd Halloween season (and getting a lot of play right now as well!).
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Parental Love
Most days after DB gets on the school bus, I come upstairs and feel a pang of worry, love, and hope for him. All I can do at that point is pray for his safety and his mental and emotional comfort for the day.
All I can do is hope I've prepared him the best I can for what he's going to face.
And he's only 6... what will I be like as he grows and the challenges increase?
Is this normal?
It makes me think about God's love for us, how much more God cares for us, thinks about us, hopes we'll make the right choices.
Do you think God worries? Seems outside the scope of emotion for a Divine Being. But the others for sure -- hope, love, concern.
After all, we have free will to make our own choices. No matter how much preparation we've gotten from whatever source worked for us -- church, Sunday School, kind neighbors, the Bible -- in the end we decide what to do.
Compared to God, we all have autism.
All I can do is hope I've prepared him the best I can for what he's going to face.
And he's only 6... what will I be like as he grows and the challenges increase?
Is this normal?
It makes me think about God's love for us, how much more God cares for us, thinks about us, hopes we'll make the right choices.
Do you think God worries? Seems outside the scope of emotion for a Divine Being. But the others for sure -- hope, love, concern.
After all, we have free will to make our own choices. No matter how much preparation we've gotten from whatever source worked for us -- church, Sunday School, kind neighbors, the Bible -- in the end we decide what to do.
Compared to God, we all have autism.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Janny'tizers recipe
DuckyBoy loves to eat chicken nuggets. His absolute favorites are Tyson Any'tizers, which are bite-sized so every bite has a solid coating around it.
In the past we've had trouble eating out because the diners' version of nuggets are usually much larger than even standard kid nuggets -- "fingers" -- so each bite has much less coating, and also they are often made with real chicken breast, not processed, homogenized meat. (we can't do fast-food nuggets at all since they all have whey in the coating. He'll eat fast-food burgers but not at the diners. Yet.)
However, he has branched out in the past few months to willingly eat the breast fingers at the diners, so I thought it was time to try again at home, particularly since his appetite has increased to the point where he can eat half a $4 box of Any'tizers for dinner, which is not only getting expensive but also just can't be good for him to eat so much processed food all.the.time.
And then I saw this recipe on the Bisquick box:
I modified it to be non-dairy. And I upped the protein portion as well, mostly just to replace the 1/2 cup Parmesan, but also because Husband tries to eat low-carb.
And guess what? For one of the first times ever, we all had the same main dish for dinner! Thank you, Bisquick!!
In the past we've had trouble eating out because the diners' version of nuggets are usually much larger than even standard kid nuggets -- "fingers" -- so each bite has much less coating, and also they are often made with real chicken breast, not processed, homogenized meat. (we can't do fast-food nuggets at all since they all have whey in the coating. He'll eat fast-food burgers but not at the diners. Yet.)
However, he has branched out in the past few months to willingly eat the breast fingers at the diners, so I thought it was time to try again at home, particularly since his appetite has increased to the point where he can eat half a $4 box of Any'tizers for dinner, which is not only getting expensive but also just can't be good for him to eat so much processed food all.the.time.
And then I saw this recipe on the Bisquick box:
I modified it to be non-dairy. And I upped the protein portion as well, mostly just to replace the 1/2 cup Parmesan, but also because Husband tries to eat low-carb.
And guess what? For one of the first times ever, we all had the same main dish for dinner! Thank you, Bisquick!!
Church and Autism, Part 2
Anon's comment on my previous Church and Autism post was harsher than necessary (congrats! you're my very first flame!) but did open my eyes a bit. I posted because I was already feeling judged and misunderstood, so your tone did not help with that, but you did raise an issue worth addressing in my heart.
I don't see where in my previous post I say that the rules don't apply to me because my child has autism. In fact, I have always been a frightened rules-follower. But Husband takes a more cavalier approach to life's man-made, small guidelines, which has in fact helped me lead a more enjoyable life in some cases ... and in others, such as this one, puts me in a bit of a bind.
I also think the supervision issue is primarily an insurance/CYA matter; this way the church cannot be held liable for any injuries.
I also probably wrote the situation to sound more black-and-white than it really is. The older kids are only partially supervised in the gym; their parents tend to wander in and then back out (if they come in at all until it's time to leave). DB is on the cusp of needing constant supervision, and since he is a responsible, articulate child, and also not a bully who is ever aggressive toward the other children, we trust him. The two rooms are not so far apart that it's a major problem to get between them. But they are far enough that other than parents, adult flow between them is limited. If we want or need to speak with people who do not have a child in the gym, it can't happen.
The other part of our reason for letting him be there without us is that most other times, I am constantly with DB. And sometimes I would like to be with my husband -- such as when mingling with the people we know at church. The church is too far from our home to participate in many events other than worship, so our primary chance to connect with the community is from 12 to 1 on Sundays, during the coffee hour. (I could go on at length about that whole issue of finding a church closer to home, but won't right now.)
The reason I posted is because I do think something needs to be done. I don't want people to have to bend over backwards to accommodate him. And now there is a pattern of issues -- one thing here and there, I'd be ok. But as I outlined in my post, there now seems to be several areas where his behavior is problematic. This upsets me and I don't have an answer, nor did I find one when I looked around on the web.
In fact, as I've given it more thought, I realize some of these issues are being addressed during the school day as well, so would benefit from follow-up in this structed setting as well.
My one idea: I thought I'd see if any teens/tweens at the church have to do community service for their school, and could log those hours as a "buddy" for DB during the church service and gym time. I can make a list of specific things for them to help him with, including...
I don't see where in my previous post I say that the rules don't apply to me because my child has autism. In fact, I have always been a frightened rules-follower. But Husband takes a more cavalier approach to life's man-made, small guidelines, which has in fact helped me lead a more enjoyable life in some cases ... and in others, such as this one, puts me in a bit of a bind.
I also think the supervision issue is primarily an insurance/CYA matter; this way the church cannot be held liable for any injuries.
I also probably wrote the situation to sound more black-and-white than it really is. The older kids are only partially supervised in the gym; their parents tend to wander in and then back out (if they come in at all until it's time to leave). DB is on the cusp of needing constant supervision, and since he is a responsible, articulate child, and also not a bully who is ever aggressive toward the other children, we trust him. The two rooms are not so far apart that it's a major problem to get between them. But they are far enough that other than parents, adult flow between them is limited. If we want or need to speak with people who do not have a child in the gym, it can't happen.
The other part of our reason for letting him be there without us is that most other times, I am constantly with DB. And sometimes I would like to be with my husband -- such as when mingling with the people we know at church. The church is too far from our home to participate in many events other than worship, so our primary chance to connect with the community is from 12 to 1 on Sundays, during the coffee hour. (I could go on at length about that whole issue of finding a church closer to home, but won't right now.)
The reason I posted is because I do think something needs to be done. I don't want people to have to bend over backwards to accommodate him. And now there is a pattern of issues -- one thing here and there, I'd be ok. But as I outlined in my post, there now seems to be several areas where his behavior is problematic. This upsets me and I don't have an answer, nor did I find one when I looked around on the web.
In fact, as I've given it more thought, I realize some of these issues are being addressed during the school day as well, so would benefit from follow-up in this structed setting as well.
My one idea: I thought I'd see if any teens/tweens at the church have to do community service for their school, and could log those hours as a "buddy" for DB during the church service and gym time. I can make a list of specific things for them to help him with, including...
- Don't blurt out the answer during the children's sermon
- Take a walk during Sunday School if he needs a break so he's not disrupting the other kids
- Help him understand the nuances of playing superhereo with older kids (If you say, "Let's play superheroes," the villains are going to chase you!)
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Autism and Church
I wonder if my other blog should shift from Autism and Public Schools, which many people advocate and talk about and research so much better than me, to Autism and Church.
I stumbled across this idea this evening... of a focus on Autism at a church service on February 8th. I wonder if my church might be open to it.
As part of it, I would be willing to --actually, relieved to -- speak and say that DB has autism and how that manifests itself in the way he acts and thinks at church. (Wonder if Husband would be open to that...)
There is another child at church with autism and other more severe disabilities as well, which might be eye-opening for our congregation to see the spectrum.
This was our experience today:
Toward the beginning of the service, DB said "Amen" after the Lord's Prayer, and I thought how funny it is that someone who overheard him might think he was saying "Amen" to the prayer. In fact, I know he was correcting the pronunciation -- most everyone near us said "ah-men" and he prefers "ay-men".
Then during the children's sermon, as usual he was unable to keep from blurting out the answers when the minister asks them all a question. (Someone has actually commented to Husband about this. Someone with a well-behaved, hand-raising child of course.)
At least he only eyed up the communion elements as he walked past and did not try to take any. Whew!
In his Sunday School class, DuckyBoy does well sometimes and other times not, and the teacher rotates so no one quite knows how to deal with him. They are wonderful moms with good hearts but the best they can do is tolerate him for the 30 minutes. I know he's disruptive, today I get the impression he was intractible. (He's been "off" the past few days anyway, and , I forgot his snack.) He also told me tonight a boy in class told him he was a baby, or playing with a baby toy, he described what he was playing with but I don't know what it was. On the upside, he reconnected with his old friend K., and they drew pictures for each other (the project was to draw for a secret pal in the class and give them the artwork, and apparently they picked each other.)
He flat-out tells the beautifully-voiced soprano who volunteers her time to sing with them that he doesn't like her, her voice, etc. *Sigh.*
DB also got us in an embarrassing situation today after church. Kids are allowed to play in the gym during coffee hour, but, well I'll admit it, they are supposed to be supervised by their parents. He has always been good about coming to get us when he needs us, but today he got a little hurt or something ( I still don't know if it was physical or his feelings that got hurt) and while one mom tried to comfort him, another came to get us.
And, well, she had a few patronizing words for us, too, about how we "might want to keep an eye on him" ... "because he likes to play with the bigger kids and yadda yadda" and "I try to keep an eye on him because my son is there too" and "I think he's hungry" and I think Husband wanted to strangle her. (Edited to add: Later on, Husband was grateful she'd come to get us.)
Anyway, today's experience made me look around a bit on the web. Preliminary search turns up a few drips and drabs -- like a good article from 2002 about a mom and her young child, a Dad's heartfelt post that rang true for me, and a decent-sounding book, Autism and Your Church, though it may be more for my children's ministry coordinator than me.
Since I said an hour ago I was going to go to bed and since tomorrow is The Grind Begins Again Day with the 6 AM alarm, I will cease research for the night. But it's not like I came up with anything that covers the topic extensively. I think there might be a place for me.
I stumbled across this idea this evening... of a focus on Autism at a church service on February 8th. I wonder if my church might be open to it.
As part of it, I would be willing to --actually, relieved to -- speak and say that DB has autism and how that manifests itself in the way he acts and thinks at church. (Wonder if Husband would be open to that...)
There is another child at church with autism and other more severe disabilities as well, which might be eye-opening for our congregation to see the spectrum.
This was our experience today:
Toward the beginning of the service, DB said "Amen" after the Lord's Prayer, and I thought how funny it is that someone who overheard him might think he was saying "Amen" to the prayer. In fact, I know he was correcting the pronunciation -- most everyone near us said "ah-men" and he prefers "ay-men".
Then during the children's sermon, as usual he was unable to keep from blurting out the answers when the minister asks them all a question. (Someone has actually commented to Husband about this. Someone with a well-behaved, hand-raising child of course.)
At least he only eyed up the communion elements as he walked past and did not try to take any. Whew!
In his Sunday School class, DuckyBoy does well sometimes and other times not, and the teacher rotates so no one quite knows how to deal with him. They are wonderful moms with good hearts but the best they can do is tolerate him for the 30 minutes. I know he's disruptive, today I get the impression he was intractible. (He's been "off" the past few days anyway, and , I forgot his snack.) He also told me tonight a boy in class told him he was a baby, or playing with a baby toy, he described what he was playing with but I don't know what it was. On the upside, he reconnected with his old friend K., and they drew pictures for each other (the project was to draw for a secret pal in the class and give them the artwork, and apparently they picked each other.)
He flat-out tells the beautifully-voiced soprano who volunteers her time to sing with them that he doesn't like her, her voice, etc. *Sigh.*
DB also got us in an embarrassing situation today after church. Kids are allowed to play in the gym during coffee hour, but, well I'll admit it, they are supposed to be supervised by their parents. He has always been good about coming to get us when he needs us, but today he got a little hurt or something ( I still don't know if it was physical or his feelings that got hurt) and while one mom tried to comfort him, another came to get us.
And, well, she had a few patronizing words for us, too, about how we "might want to keep an eye on him" ... "because he likes to play with the bigger kids and yadda yadda" and "I try to keep an eye on him because my son is there too" and "I think he's hungry" and I think Husband wanted to strangle her. (Edited to add: Later on, Husband was grateful she'd come to get us.)
Anyway, today's experience made me look around a bit on the web. Preliminary search turns up a few drips and drabs -- like a good article from 2002 about a mom and her young child, a Dad's heartfelt post that rang true for me, and a decent-sounding book, Autism and Your Church, though it may be more for my children's ministry coordinator than me.
Since I said an hour ago I was going to go to bed and since tomorrow is The Grind Begins Again Day with the 6 AM alarm, I will cease research for the night. But it's not like I came up with anything that covers the topic extensively. I think there might be a place for me.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Disappointment. Now! With Reassurance and Helpful Pats on the Back
Three children misbehaved on stage at the school concert this afternoon. Two were in pre-k, and no one expects much of the four-year-olds. One was my first grader.
At least the people around me chuckled when DB acted out. So it's not like I have to hang my head in shame.
And the teachers were all very concerned about me. Which is kind of embarrassing but nice that they care. Even his teacher who never talks came out into the hall and really seemed to be sincerely trying to reassure me that he did, if not well, not soo awful -- and that it was a BIG, stage-fright-inducing crowd.
DB has been grousing at me recently that I "care too much" (about him). Usually he says it when I'm trying to clean his nose or fix something on his person. It's a good thing that he's needing a bit more space between us, and I'll try to give it to him without his always having to ask. But on a grander scale, I don't know HOW to care any less.
On the way home today he asked me if he loved me. (He had to know I was disappointed with the shouting he did at the concert.) I love every chance to remind him that yes, I love him and always will, and nothing he ever does will change that.
We got some cool snow today. DB had a blast helping me brush off the car, and even reminded me, though I don't know how he even knows, that our new brush telescopes out -- a feature that came in handy for brushing 2 inches of wet snow off the roof of the car.
He'll be alright someday. Because I care too much.
At least the people around me chuckled when DB acted out. So it's not like I have to hang my head in shame.
And the teachers were all very concerned about me. Which is kind of embarrassing but nice that they care. Even his teacher who never talks came out into the hall and really seemed to be sincerely trying to reassure me that he did, if not well, not soo awful -- and that it was a BIG, stage-fright-inducing crowd.
DB has been grousing at me recently that I "care too much" (about him). Usually he says it when I'm trying to clean his nose or fix something on his person. It's a good thing that he's needing a bit more space between us, and I'll try to give it to him without his always having to ask. But on a grander scale, I don't know HOW to care any less.
On the way home today he asked me if he loved me. (He had to know I was disappointed with the shouting he did at the concert.) I love every chance to remind him that yes, I love him and always will, and nothing he ever does will change that.
We got some cool snow today. DB had a blast helping me brush off the car, and even reminded me, though I don't know how he even knows, that our new brush telescopes out -- a feature that came in handy for brushing 2 inches of wet snow off the roof of the car.
He'll be alright someday. Because I care too much.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Flopsicle
I'm tired of writing posts like this!
I tried, I really did. Tuesday is Ice Cream Day at DB's school and since he can't have dairy he can't sign up for ice cream. The PTA moms who run it soo nicely said I should bring something in he can have, stick it in the freezer for him, labeled, and they'd give it to him each week.
Well. Yesterday was the first chance to do so, and as it turned out I was helping with ice cream. Which I hate. I don't know the kids and it's just a scramble to get it to them before it melts but after they've eaten their lunch. Riiight.
Anyway. I took Popsicles. Turns out they meeeeeeeeeeeelt really quickly. I didn't know that and basically handed my already-anxiety-prone kid a bag of colored water.
Not a great day. I'm not that surprised he didn't want to go to school this morning! But it makes me want to cry when he says things like "I hate first grade, I want to go back to kindergarten" before he's out of bed.
Hopefully today will be better. Parents get to sit in the classroom for something this morning -- I think the kids will read their own writing, but DB claims to have no idea what's happening. He is interested in the fact that there will be bagels involved. Though even there, he seemed only to know when I told him.
Was I so wrong to mention that perhaps the other children's parents will not be cutting up bagels into bite-sized pieces for their offspring to consume? That made him go off on a tangent about how weird he is. ("No, you're not," I replied. "I've met the kids in your class. Z thinks he's Batman.")
I tried, I really did. Tuesday is Ice Cream Day at DB's school and since he can't have dairy he can't sign up for ice cream. The PTA moms who run it soo nicely said I should bring something in he can have, stick it in the freezer for him, labeled, and they'd give it to him each week.
Well. Yesterday was the first chance to do so, and as it turned out I was helping with ice cream. Which I hate. I don't know the kids and it's just a scramble to get it to them before it melts but after they've eaten their lunch. Riiight.
Anyway. I took Popsicles. Turns out they meeeeeeeeeeeelt really quickly. I didn't know that and basically handed my already-anxiety-prone kid a bag of colored water.
Not a great day. I'm not that surprised he didn't want to go to school this morning! But it makes me want to cry when he says things like "I hate first grade, I want to go back to kindergarten" before he's out of bed.
Hopefully today will be better. Parents get to sit in the classroom for something this morning -- I think the kids will read their own writing, but DB claims to have no idea what's happening. He is interested in the fact that there will be bagels involved. Though even there, he seemed only to know when I told him.
Was I so wrong to mention that perhaps the other children's parents will not be cutting up bagels into bite-sized pieces for their offspring to consume? That made him go off on a tangent about how weird he is. ("No, you're not," I replied. "I've met the kids in your class. Z thinks he's Batman.")
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Sound of Learning
DuckyBoy mentioned tonight that he hates the sound the clanking coins make all the time in math -- nickels and pennies that they use in counting not only money but also 1's and 5's.
Poor guy! That's already his difficult subject, could be a positive challenge, and now to find out that for at least a month -- hmm, a month, that's about how long he's been acting out at school -- he can't stand the sound of the classroom prop!
I'm lucky he's so articulate about it. "These 2 teeth the most," he said, pointing to his bottom 2 front. Same as when they write on the chalkboard, he said, adding that fortunately they don't write on the chalkboard.
What an easy thing to fix! I hope. Sending 2 options tomorrow -- plastic play coins, or play dollars instead.
In other news, I was proud of myself for making a Parenting Decision all by myself today. DB fell at recess and hit his head, but I decided, after observing the bump, that he could at least try his [impossible to reschedule, already missed a month due to facilities closing] swim lesson. I figured even half the lesson would be better than trying to reschedule it. He tried hard to get out of it, but I stood firm. (Tough for me on something like this.) And he did great. Other than pushing one of his classmates into the pool once. But I don't consider that injury-related. Just his ordinary lack of understanding of danger as more important than his immediate feelings.
Poor guy! That's already his difficult subject, could be a positive challenge, and now to find out that for at least a month -- hmm, a month, that's about how long he's been acting out at school -- he can't stand the sound of the classroom prop!
I'm lucky he's so articulate about it. "These 2 teeth the most," he said, pointing to his bottom 2 front. Same as when they write on the chalkboard, he said, adding that fortunately they don't write on the chalkboard.
What an easy thing to fix! I hope. Sending 2 options tomorrow -- plastic play coins, or play dollars instead.
In other news, I was proud of myself for making a Parenting Decision all by myself today. DB fell at recess and hit his head, but I decided, after observing the bump, that he could at least try his [impossible to reschedule, already missed a month due to facilities closing] swim lesson. I figured even half the lesson would be better than trying to reschedule it. He tried hard to get out of it, but I stood firm. (Tough for me on something like this.) And he did great. Other than pushing one of his classmates into the pool once. But I don't consider that injury-related. Just his ordinary lack of understanding of danger as more important than his immediate feelings.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Ups and Downs on Halloween
Once again Ms. Frizzle made an appearance... at least one of the kindergartners thought I was really her, it was cool! Reading to DuckyBoy6's class first thing in the morning was rough for him ... he hadn't adjusted to being in school mode yet enough to be able to accommodate my being there. Next time, I'll know.
One of the things he had trouble with was what he wanted the other kids to call me-- DB's mom, or Ms Frizzle! As soon as they'd call me one name, he'd cry out I was the other. Interesting.
So interesting that I was ready for a shot of tequila by the time I staggered down to the library to read to the Friday classes there.... lol.
Then later, the class party went better. He was no worse, in fact maybe a little better behaved, than the boy whose mom is class mom!
After school, he decided he did want to change his clothes and trick-or-treat as Optimus Prime. We walked around for like 2 hours with 2 of his friends, that's a lot of walking! It was fun to go near school, we saw other kids he knows.
He acquiesced to visit one neighbor, but otherwise was too pooped to trick-or-treat in the apartment building. It was a favor to me that he agreed to go to her apartment, since she's s bit much for him. So I was proud of him for that, and told him so.
Went to sleep in his Optimus Prime costume --with the Love Ducks shirt still on underneath! Pictures to come later...
One of the things he had trouble with was what he wanted the other kids to call me-- DB's mom, or Ms Frizzle! As soon as they'd call me one name, he'd cry out I was the other. Interesting.
So interesting that I was ready for a shot of tequila by the time I staggered down to the library to read to the Friday classes there.... lol.
Then later, the class party went better. He was no worse, in fact maybe a little better behaved, than the boy whose mom is class mom!
After school, he decided he did want to change his clothes and trick-or-treat as Optimus Prime. We walked around for like 2 hours with 2 of his friends, that's a lot of walking! It was fun to go near school, we saw other kids he knows.
He acquiesced to visit one neighbor, but otherwise was too pooped to trick-or-treat in the apartment building. It was a favor to me that he agreed to go to her apartment, since she's s bit much for him. So I was proud of him for that, and told him so.
Went to sleep in his Optimus Prime costume --with the Love Ducks shirt still on underneath! Pictures to come later...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
New Job: Stylist
I helped with Picture Day at DuckyBoy's school today. Not very impressive, these school photographers. The sales rep was all rosy - "oh, we're trying something new... basically one seasoned pro plus 2 newbies, the old hand is here to make sure they're doing the right things."
Actually, the pro was doing a third of the work, and the other 2 were on their own. Sure, if they got stuck or needed help they could consult him, but it's not like he was watching them. At all.
They were three all about the same -- as I said on my other blog, the one guy thought TALKING LOUDER was the way to get the autistic kids to cooperate (not that he knew they were autistic, but don'tcha have a clue?; the others paid no attention to collars, necklaces askew, or mussed hair.
I was able to spend time for a few classes to do the styling-- even got to tie one kid's tie (do you really send your 4th grader to school without his tie tied and just hope someone can tie it??). But isn't that their job? Guess not.
Well, retake day is already set for November! We'll see how the retake rate is.
Actually, the pro was doing a third of the work, and the other 2 were on their own. Sure, if they got stuck or needed help they could consult him, but it's not like he was watching them. At all.
They were three all about the same -- as I said on my other blog, the one guy thought TALKING LOUDER was the way to get the autistic kids to cooperate (not that he knew they were autistic, but don'tcha have a clue?; the others paid no attention to collars, necklaces askew, or mussed hair.
I was able to spend time for a few classes to do the styling-- even got to tie one kid's tie (do you really send your 4th grader to school without his tie tied and just hope someone can tie it??). But isn't that their job? Guess not.
Well, retake day is already set for November! We'll see how the retake rate is.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wow, Great Party!
We just had DB's 3rd-of-3 birthday parties for the year. Do ya think he's turned 6 enough?
I actually think this was a good year to celebrate a lot. So far he's doing really well adjusting to school. First week was a bit rough, but now that week 2 is behind him, he seems to be getting into the swing of things.
We've got a printed list of what we need to accomplish in the mornings (which helps me as much as, if not more than, it does him), he has a nice long swim lesson with another student, a girl who's a better swimmer than he is -- good for the stretch! We're getting the breakfast-snack-lunch components tweaked so he's not complaining of being hungry in the mornings (why are wholesome foods so expensive? I spend $100 at the grocery store, then pick up a few things at the health food store and it's another $50!) And he's already had one social story come home about being flexible re: who walks him from the bus to class in the mornings.
Oh, and no early session on Fridays, so he gets to watch tv and take a little more time getting ready one day a week. (I wanted that last year, but they slotted in an OT session he wasn't supposed to miss.)
And while a bump on the head yesterday stopped him from getting back into the swing of things at gymnastics, at least he was there for a few minutes (while he recovered; he bumped his head across the street from the gym) in prep for being there Today! For! His! Party!
I was a bit of a crazy person this morning; I baked his cake(s) last night but had to cut and frost them into a bear today, and we had an appointment at the accountant (is there a prize for being the last people to file your '07 taxes?) at 9:30 and I had this idea we had to leave at 1 for the party.
Fortunately, around 11 am I realized our party did not start until 4:00, so I had a chance to relax. (Once I called the restaurant we were ordering chicken satay from and corrected the pickup time from 1:00 to 3:00!)
And at least the cake was all done!
{Edited to add: I'm so proud of my cake
I uploaded it to the Website
that gave me the idea, Coolest Birthday Cakes.}
So, Party. DB did great; when he needed a break from the noise and activity, he took one; he sat on a rocking toy by himself, or came out into the vestibule for a drink, and about 5 minutes before the end of the gym portion, which is long -- an hour! -- he simply staked his claim at the table in front of a slice of pizza and waited for everyone else to join him.
It's nice to go somewhere that the staff knows your child, and lets him do what he needs to do. As they do in class, they encourage him to rejoin the group, but don't see the need to force it during a party.
Sure, there were a couple of glitches. We did Bears2Go along with the gym, and the first thing they do is color the shopping bag they'll put their bear in. He was anxious, probably just because I wasn't in the room with him, and needed to be sure I'd help him stuff his bear. Once reassured, he wrote his name and a couple of cute happy drawings on his bag.
Since we've attended other parties there, he's been waiting for his turn to be "in the parachute" --the b'day kid gets tossed around. So when the parachute came out, DB wanted to hop into the center right away, but they had a few warm-ups to do first. He had a hard time listening to that answer, and waiting, but after a few stern words from me (I basically said, "You can calm down and wait, or we can go home ... ") he dealt with it.
And then he was great. Even rolled in the big circle (hard to describe...)
ate pizza-with-the-cheese-removed (his choice to have regular pizza be the food -- it's what everybody serves, so I think he just wanted the whole package), tolerated the always-off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, blew out his candle -- didn't even wig out when the candle blew out as the cake was placed in front of him, just waited --waited!! -- while it was relit, blew it out, ate a bit of cake, WOW.
As I write it all down, I'm blown away. And I even got a super-nice compliment from Husband that I did a great job with the party.
This was a big expense that we agreed to and then promptly lost our steady source of income. I'm glad we did it. I like having parties at home, will happily continue them in the future, but this was really special.
And the look on those little girls' faces when they got to pick a Unicorn!! With Heart-shaped Feet! to stuff? Absolutely Priceless.
I actually think this was a good year to celebrate a lot. So far he's doing really well adjusting to school. First week was a bit rough, but now that week 2 is behind him, he seems to be getting into the swing of things.
We've got a printed list of what we need to accomplish in the mornings (which helps me as much as, if not more than, it does him), he has a nice long swim lesson with another student, a girl who's a better swimmer than he is -- good for the stretch! We're getting the breakfast-snack-lunch components tweaked so he's not complaining of being hungry in the mornings (why are wholesome foods so expensive? I spend $100 at the grocery store, then pick up a few things at the health food store and it's another $50!) And he's already had one social story come home about being flexible re: who walks him from the bus to class in the mornings.
Oh, and no early session on Fridays, so he gets to watch tv and take a little more time getting ready one day a week. (I wanted that last year, but they slotted in an OT session he wasn't supposed to miss.)
And while a bump on the head yesterday stopped him from getting back into the swing of things at gymnastics, at least he was there for a few minutes (while he recovered; he bumped his head across the street from the gym) in prep for being there Today! For! His! Party!
I was a bit of a crazy person this morning; I baked his cake(s) last night but had to cut and frost them into a bear today, and we had an appointment at the accountant (is there a prize for being the last people to file your '07 taxes?) at 9:30 and I had this idea we had to leave at 1 for the party.
Fortunately, around 11 am I realized our party did not start until 4:00, so I had a chance to relax. (Once I called the restaurant we were ordering chicken satay from and corrected the pickup time from 1:00 to 3:00!)
And at least the cake was all done!
{Edited to add: I'm so proud of my cake
I uploaded it to the Website
that gave me the idea, Coolest Birthday Cakes.}
So, Party. DB did great; when he needed a break from the noise and activity, he took one; he sat on a rocking toy by himself, or came out into the vestibule for a drink, and about 5 minutes before the end of the gym portion, which is long -- an hour! -- he simply staked his claim at the table in front of a slice of pizza and waited for everyone else to join him.
It's nice to go somewhere that the staff knows your child, and lets him do what he needs to do. As they do in class, they encourage him to rejoin the group, but don't see the need to force it during a party.
Sure, there were a couple of glitches. We did Bears2Go along with the gym, and the first thing they do is color the shopping bag they'll put their bear in. He was anxious, probably just because I wasn't in the room with him, and needed to be sure I'd help him stuff his bear. Once reassured, he wrote his name and a couple of cute happy drawings on his bag.
Since we've attended other parties there, he's been waiting for his turn to be "in the parachute" --the b'day kid gets tossed around. So when the parachute came out, DB wanted to hop into the center right away, but they had a few warm-ups to do first. He had a hard time listening to that answer, and waiting, but after a few stern words from me (I basically said, "You can calm down and wait, or we can go home ... ") he dealt with it.
And then he was great. Even rolled in the big circle (hard to describe...)
ate pizza-with-the-cheese-removed (his choice to have regular pizza be the food -- it's what everybody serves, so I think he just wanted the whole package), tolerated the always-off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, blew out his candle -- didn't even wig out when the candle blew out as the cake was placed in front of him, just waited --waited!! -- while it was relit, blew it out, ate a bit of cake, WOW.
As I write it all down, I'm blown away. And I even got a super-nice compliment from Husband that I did a great job with the party.
This was a big expense that we agreed to and then promptly lost our steady source of income. I'm glad we did it. I like having parties at home, will happily continue them in the future, but this was really special.
And the look on those little girls' faces when they got to pick a Unicorn!! With Heart-shaped Feet! to stuff? Absolutely Priceless.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Mets Game Rained Out
Poor me, I am watching the rain lash the window at the exact time when the Mets game I bought tickets for is supposed to be starting. I have never, ever bought tickets before, so the one day I do, and actually DID it, decided I would get my native-New-Yorker son to a game at Shea before it gets torn down forever, we get a Tropical Storm??!! Geez.
Anyway the game has been rescheduled for an earlier-afternoon start tomorrow, which is probably better all around. But had I known that before 2 pm, I wouldn't have let him watch TV the ENTIRE morning. I'd have dragged his butt outside for some fresh air before the rain and wind started. As it is, we had enough time for a quick trip to the park anyway. Nice to live right next door like that.
I also would not have spent as much time interacting with him all morning, since I am now Sick Of It and want time to myself, whilst he of course wants more, more, more Mommy. More Mommy Is Always Better.
Husband is, of course, watching television. That's his idea of child care, letting DB watch TV (actually technically DB is on the laptop) while he watches TV. And does anyone wonder why I interact with DB so much? If it weren't for me the kid would get no interaction at all! And so our family afternoon consists of the 3 of us in 3 different rooms in front of 3 different screens.
I told Husband to call me on his cell phone if he wants me; I'm tired of the both of them calling out to me from a different room when they want to tell me something. "I want to tell you something, but it's not important enough for ME to get up and find YOU; you stop what you are doing and come to me." I'm fed up with that.
To his credit, DB came to me just now to tell me about the site he's on.
I worry about him being on the Internet with out one of us in the room, but so far he's still site-based and game/activity-based, like Playhouse Disney or PBS kids, but I still check in from time to time. If I sat with him and also watched every show with him the way I'd feel most comfortable (the way I used to when he first started to use both these mediums), I'd have no free time at all during his waking hours. None.
Anyway the game has been rescheduled for an earlier-afternoon start tomorrow, which is probably better all around. But had I known that before 2 pm, I wouldn't have let him watch TV the ENTIRE morning. I'd have dragged his butt outside for some fresh air before the rain and wind started. As it is, we had enough time for a quick trip to the park anyway. Nice to live right next door like that.
I also would not have spent as much time interacting with him all morning, since I am now Sick Of It and want time to myself, whilst he of course wants more, more, more Mommy. More Mommy Is Always Better.
Husband is, of course, watching television. That's his idea of child care, letting DB watch TV (actually technically DB is on the laptop) while he watches TV. And does anyone wonder why I interact with DB so much? If it weren't for me the kid would get no interaction at all! And so our family afternoon consists of the 3 of us in 3 different rooms in front of 3 different screens.
I told Husband to call me on his cell phone if he wants me; I'm tired of the both of them calling out to me from a different room when they want to tell me something. "I want to tell you something, but it's not important enough for ME to get up and find YOU; you stop what you are doing and come to me." I'm fed up with that.
To his credit, DB came to me just now to tell me about the site he's on.
I worry about him being on the Internet with out one of us in the room, but so far he's still site-based and game/activity-based, like Playhouse Disney or PBS kids, but I still check in from time to time. If I sat with him and also watched every show with him the way I'd feel most comfortable (the way I used to when he first started to use both these mediums), I'd have no free time at all during his waking hours. None.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
And Then! And THEN!!
I'm heartsick. It's not anything horrible, but I'm a sensitive sort and it's hard to realize how much stress my little boy must be under every day.
After one of his school adults spoke to him gruffly Friday morning, at bedtime I mentioned that I'd heard his class attended the first-grade "Moving Up" ceremony today. When he acknowledged yes, they had, I mentioned, Oh, and yours will be next week.
To which he says, "Yes, but I don't get to go up [with everyone else]."
Huh? I try to not let it show that the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. "Why not?" I ask, as coolly as possible.
"Ms. X says I can work for it" or "earn it" or some such phrasing.
Pardon my French, but that's b&%!s*^#! And yes, Ms X is the same one I had the issue with this morning.
For once Husband and I are in agreement; in fact he's ready to head to the school loaded for bear (not literally, we do not have a gun nor intend violence of any sort) on Monday morning. Which makes me feel a bit better. But in the meantime, Internet, here's what I have to get off my chest so I can get some sleep (2 am NY time):
We feel it is inappropriate for [DuckyBoy] to be told that he cannot stand on the stage with the rest of the kindergarteners at the moving up ceremony. Unless he is NOT moving up, he has earned the right to be up there as much as every other kindergartener at the school.
Even if it is an attempt to extract improved behavior from him, it is inappropriate to make him believe he has to earn something everyone else has already been given. It is not the same as having him earn his way toward the Citizen of the Month award; this is something everyone receives together and should be able to happily anticipate together.
In addition, if this also means he is not allowed to practice with the rest of the group, how can his behavior be expected to be on or near grade level? I would like to point out that his behavior at the Spring Concert was excellent, certainly at grade level.
I feel he deserves an apology for being made to feel that he does not deserve to be up there.
In a broader sense, I have the sense that there is no team approach to finding ways to help [DuckyBoy] with his behavior issues, and instead each person is dealing with him as best she can.
Please do not be any harsher with him than any other child. Firmness can easily become meanness; I feel that line is in danger of being crossed.
Please do not call his bluff when he is threatening to react in a physical manner, as that is confusing for him and not a way of helping him learn to calm down.
I understand that he knows how to control himself, if not all the time, and that the recent behavior is a disappointing regression back toward the beginning of the school year. However, I feel the need to remind you that despite his verbal and mental intelligence he is still emotionally 5 years old (if not closer to 4), and talk of change makes him anxious, and he is receiving a great deal of negative feedback and, it seems, the reminders for how to behave positively have been taken away.
If the teachers with whom [DuckyBoy] has been physically aggressive need to take a break from working with him, perhaps other people can be assigned to work with him for now. I am very concerned that one of you will be in the summer program; I do not feel you are providing appropriate support to him at this time.
Also, I am sorry that my child is the one out of 8 for whom the techniques are not working to help him learn all the desired school behaviors. However, another reminder is in order to the effect that this is the issue with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Not everything will work for every child. There is no standard advice. [DuckyBoy] may be the first student in the Nest program to teach you this, but he will not be your last. And what works for him may not work for the next non-standard Nest kid.
Finally, while I know the end of the year is a busy time for teachers, I don’t hear anyone making allowances for [DuckyBoy] at this time – in fact, you seem to be leaning on him harder than ever to use every skill he has learned this year – so I don’t plan to make any allowances for you.
There. Maybe I can go to sleep now. Maybe. It's all I can do not to lie on the floor next to DB's bed and hope that even more love seeps into him than I can stuff in each day.
Birds, you do not fool me. You know as well as I do it is still dark out. Go back to sleep now, and so will I.
After one of his school adults spoke to him gruffly Friday morning, at bedtime I mentioned that I'd heard his class attended the first-grade "Moving Up" ceremony today. When he acknowledged yes, they had, I mentioned, Oh, and yours will be next week.
To which he says, "Yes, but I don't get to go up [with everyone else]."
Huh? I try to not let it show that the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. "Why not?" I ask, as coolly as possible.
"Ms. X says I can work for it" or "earn it" or some such phrasing.
Pardon my French, but that's b&%!s*^#! And yes, Ms X is the same one I had the issue with this morning.
For once Husband and I are in agreement; in fact he's ready to head to the school loaded for bear (not literally, we do not have a gun nor intend violence of any sort) on Monday morning. Which makes me feel a bit better. But in the meantime, Internet, here's what I have to get off my chest so I can get some sleep (2 am NY time):
We feel it is inappropriate for [DuckyBoy] to be told that he cannot stand on the stage with the rest of the kindergarteners at the moving up ceremony. Unless he is NOT moving up, he has earned the right to be up there as much as every other kindergartener at the school.
Even if it is an attempt to extract improved behavior from him, it is inappropriate to make him believe he has to earn something everyone else has already been given. It is not the same as having him earn his way toward the Citizen of the Month award; this is something everyone receives together and should be able to happily anticipate together.
In addition, if this also means he is not allowed to practice with the rest of the group, how can his behavior be expected to be on or near grade level? I would like to point out that his behavior at the Spring Concert was excellent, certainly at grade level.
I feel he deserves an apology for being made to feel that he does not deserve to be up there.
In a broader sense, I have the sense that there is no team approach to finding ways to help [DuckyBoy] with his behavior issues, and instead each person is dealing with him as best she can.
Please do not be any harsher with him than any other child. Firmness can easily become meanness; I feel that line is in danger of being crossed.
Please do not call his bluff when he is threatening to react in a physical manner, as that is confusing for him and not a way of helping him learn to calm down.
I understand that he knows how to control himself, if not all the time, and that the recent behavior is a disappointing regression back toward the beginning of the school year. However, I feel the need to remind you that despite his verbal and mental intelligence he is still emotionally 5 years old (if not closer to 4), and talk of change makes him anxious, and he is receiving a great deal of negative feedback and, it seems, the reminders for how to behave positively have been taken away.
If the teachers with whom [DuckyBoy] has been physically aggressive need to take a break from working with him, perhaps other people can be assigned to work with him for now. I am very concerned that one of you will be in the summer program; I do not feel you are providing appropriate support to him at this time.
Also, I am sorry that my child is the one out of 8 for whom the techniques are not working to help him learn all the desired school behaviors. However, another reminder is in order to the effect that this is the issue with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Not everything will work for every child. There is no standard advice. [DuckyBoy] may be the first student in the Nest program to teach you this, but he will not be your last. And what works for him may not work for the next non-standard Nest kid.
Finally, while I know the end of the year is a busy time for teachers, I don’t hear anyone making allowances for [DuckyBoy] at this time – in fact, you seem to be leaning on him harder than ever to use every skill he has learned this year – so I don’t plan to make any allowances for you.
There. Maybe I can go to sleep now. Maybe. It's all I can do not to lie on the floor next to DB's bed and hope that even more love seeps into him than I can stuff in each day.
Birds, you do not fool me. You know as well as I do it is still dark out. Go back to sleep now, and so will I.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Haiku Friday, And a Whole Long Story To Go With It
Teacher spoke gruffly
I didn't like it at all
Had to go tell her.
I believe children should be spoken to with the same respect you would give an adult.
That doesn't necessarily mean children have to be treated the same way as an adult, after all, sometimes as the grown-ups we know what's best, but they deserve to know what's going on, as much as possible. Especially because they don't always understand the situation, or don't have any control over it, I believe they deserve a little extra care.
Especially kids who are highly intelligent, as they are actually thinking about what is going on and likely want to know why whatever is happening, is happening.
I think the teachers and everyone at DuckyBoy's school, at least all the people he's interacted with over the past school year, are like this most of the time. Which is why I was taken aback this morning when one of the adults he interacts with was very abrupt with him. "Harsh" is too harsh a word, so "gruff" comes to mind.
I, meek and mild I, actually went and spoke to her about it before I left the building. That's how upset I was. She apologized to me, but what I really hope is she conveys that to him as well. Everyone gets distracted, everyone jumps to a conclusion once in a while, and I am as sick of his whining as anyone on earth. But she knows transitions are one of his issues, and this.is.her.job to help him with them. Which should include speaking to him politely, when in this case she was about as not-nice as you could get (and have this type of job at all). Just my opinion, of course.
A couple of weeks ago I saw this same person be tough with him, and I knew in the situation why she did so, but at that time I felt she was a bit mean about it as well. I chalked it up to overprotective mom syndrome, ya know? Now this.
The teachers have been telling me for a couple of weeks that DuckyBoy has been being physically aggressive, which he hasn't been since early on in the school year.
"Using his body to communicate," was how they put it, which was a helpful way of phrasing it for me since he doesn't hit or kick or push me at home, but he does hug me too hard, push against me, and otherwise, well, use his body to communicate. So I've been able to call him on it and hopefully help change the behavior all around.
One of the teachers felt maybe the regression was due to the newly introduced topics of summer session, and first grade, which both spell c-h-a-n-g-e which spells s-t-r-e-s-s and a-n-x-i-e-t-y for DB.
Then what happened this morning, coupled with the way I felt about their interaction a few weeks ago, made me wonder if that relationship is in fact contributing to the problem as well. (Certainly not the only source of the problem, I'm sure anxiety plays a part, and probably the whole lack-of-a-disciplined-home-environment for an indulged-only-child issue does as well. I want to be very clear in case anyone from the school ever finds this blog.)
It can't be making him feel good about himself to be treated that way. It was very much a "You're wrong, now shut up and deal with it" attitude.
Of course, that's just how it made ME feel. I don't really know how it makes DB feel. But I don't know that he knows, either, so my guess is as good as anybody's. Actually, mine counts for a lot, I must remind myself, since I know him very well.
The other thing is that it makes a little voice pipe up in the back of my mind and whisper, "How about homeschooling?" Hmmm, I typed "choice" instead of "voice" in that paragraph. Interesting.
Anyway I wonder whether the school environment, any school environment, is really the right place for DuckyBoy to thrive. I want to him to be able to function in society, but I don't want to make him someone who tolerates situations that are not good for him simply because he's been forced to learn to do so.
Anybody else have any thoughts on this?
I didn't like it at all
Had to go tell her.
I believe children should be spoken to with the same respect you would give an adult.
That doesn't necessarily mean children have to be treated the same way as an adult, after all, sometimes as the grown-ups we know what's best, but they deserve to know what's going on, as much as possible. Especially because they don't always understand the situation, or don't have any control over it, I believe they deserve a little extra care.
Especially kids who are highly intelligent, as they are actually thinking about what is going on and likely want to know why whatever is happening, is happening.
I think the teachers and everyone at DuckyBoy's school, at least all the people he's interacted with over the past school year, are like this most of the time. Which is why I was taken aback this morning when one of the adults he interacts with was very abrupt with him. "Harsh" is too harsh a word, so "gruff" comes to mind.
I, meek and mild I, actually went and spoke to her about it before I left the building. That's how upset I was. She apologized to me, but what I really hope is she conveys that to him as well. Everyone gets distracted, everyone jumps to a conclusion once in a while, and I am as sick of his whining as anyone on earth. But she knows transitions are one of his issues, and this.is.her.job to help him with them. Which should include speaking to him politely, when in this case she was about as not-nice as you could get (and have this type of job at all). Just my opinion, of course.
A couple of weeks ago I saw this same person be tough with him, and I knew in the situation why she did so, but at that time I felt she was a bit mean about it as well. I chalked it up to overprotective mom syndrome, ya know? Now this.
The teachers have been telling me for a couple of weeks that DuckyBoy has been being physically aggressive, which he hasn't been since early on in the school year.
"Using his body to communicate," was how they put it, which was a helpful way of phrasing it for me since he doesn't hit or kick or push me at home, but he does hug me too hard, push against me, and otherwise, well, use his body to communicate. So I've been able to call him on it and hopefully help change the behavior all around.
One of the teachers felt maybe the regression was due to the newly introduced topics of summer session, and first grade, which both spell c-h-a-n-g-e which spells s-t-r-e-s-s and a-n-x-i-e-t-y for DB.
Then what happened this morning, coupled with the way I felt about their interaction a few weeks ago, made me wonder if that relationship is in fact contributing to the problem as well. (Certainly not the only source of the problem, I'm sure anxiety plays a part, and probably the whole lack-of-a-disciplined-home-environment for an indulged-only-child issue does as well. I want to be very clear in case anyone from the school ever finds this blog.)
It can't be making him feel good about himself to be treated that way. It was very much a "You're wrong, now shut up and deal with it" attitude.
Of course, that's just how it made ME feel. I don't really know how it makes DB feel. But I don't know that he knows, either, so my guess is as good as anybody's. Actually, mine counts for a lot, I must remind myself, since I know him very well.
The other thing is that it makes a little voice pipe up in the back of my mind and whisper, "How about homeschooling?" Hmmm, I typed "choice" instead of "voice" in that paragraph. Interesting.
Anyway I wonder whether the school environment, any school environment, is really the right place for DuckyBoy to thrive. I want to him to be able to function in society, but I don't want to make him someone who tolerates situations that are not good for him simply because he's been forced to learn to do so.
Anybody else have any thoughts on this?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Better Here, Worse There
Huh. DuckyBoy has been so delightful the past 2 weekends we've practically been wondering who he is and what he did with the real DB.
And then, and then, his teacher Psssst'ed me at pickup time today. Uh, oh.
"We were wondering ... is anything different?" she asked, "because DB has been really aggressive this week."
She proceeded to explain that it's to the point where he's been hitting -- hitting!?! -- and today, after he was pulled away from a teacher he hit, he kicked the teacher who pulled him off!
And so, Friday he has a date with the principal. Apparently the threat of that alone was enough to make him calm down. I hope she can say something that makes it real how bad this behavior is.
Should I email her to suggest there be a real consequence of some sort, since talking seems to go in one ear and out the other after his initial upset over the words? She knows his diagnosis, but I'd love to help her make sure he gets How.Bad.It.Is to go to the principal's office.
See, she's a really nice lady. And it's elementary school. But still, my kindergartener should not have to go to the principal's office! I'm shaking in my shoes! And when I say to him, "It's really bad to get sent to the principal's office," he says,
"Why?"
Because in his eyes, he gets to have a nice chat with a nice grown-up who listens to him. Probably instead of Writing Workshop or a vigorous OT session or some other part of the day he dislikes.
Maybe he should have to miss recess.
And on another note, can anyone 'splain to me why the teacher has to tell me this at pickup time? What if I didn't pick him up today? Isn't things like this the reason why DB has to drag a composition book around Every.Single.Day, so they can write things like this to me?
And why can't he listen to what she says? If he can't hear it, why don't you write it in the notebook? And also, if he can't hear it, why try to speak to me right as I pick him up? Hello, have you met DuckyBoy? Are you not aware, after the Entire.Flippin.School.Year, that he has Mommy Issues? That he wants my attention for a few minutes when I first see him after school, and he is not going to run off and play while you try to speak to me?
My first-grade Sunday School teacher, who was also a teacher at my school, did that to me once. She wanted to speak to my mother, and made it clear she did not want me to hear what she said. I think the subject had to do with my intelligence.
I remember being confused and sad. What didn't she want me to know? How bad was it that I wasn't allowed to know, even though it was ABOUT ME?
Uh, um, this may be the root of my school-based inferiority issues ...
And then, and then, his teacher Psssst'ed me at pickup time today. Uh, oh.
"We were wondering ... is anything different?" she asked, "because DB has been really aggressive this week."
She proceeded to explain that it's to the point where he's been hitting -- hitting!?! -- and today, after he was pulled away from a teacher he hit, he kicked the teacher who pulled him off!
And so, Friday he has a date with the principal. Apparently the threat of that alone was enough to make him calm down. I hope she can say something that makes it real how bad this behavior is.
Should I email her to suggest there be a real consequence of some sort, since talking seems to go in one ear and out the other after his initial upset over the words? She knows his diagnosis, but I'd love to help her make sure he gets How.Bad.It.Is to go to the principal's office.
See, she's a really nice lady. And it's elementary school. But still, my kindergartener should not have to go to the principal's office! I'm shaking in my shoes! And when I say to him, "It's really bad to get sent to the principal's office," he says,
"Why?"
Because in his eyes, he gets to have a nice chat with a nice grown-up who listens to him. Probably instead of Writing Workshop or a vigorous OT session or some other part of the day he dislikes.
Maybe he should have to miss recess.
And on another note, can anyone 'splain to me why the teacher has to tell me this at pickup time? What if I didn't pick him up today? Isn't things like this the reason why DB has to drag a composition book around Every.Single.Day, so they can write things like this to me?
And why can't he listen to what she says? If he can't hear it, why don't you write it in the notebook? And also, if he can't hear it, why try to speak to me right as I pick him up? Hello, have you met DuckyBoy? Are you not aware, after the Entire.Flippin.School.Year, that he has Mommy Issues? That he wants my attention for a few minutes when I first see him after school, and he is not going to run off and play while you try to speak to me?
My first-grade Sunday School teacher, who was also a teacher at my school, did that to me once. She wanted to speak to my mother, and made it clear she did not want me to hear what she said. I think the subject had to do with my intelligence.
I remember being confused and sad. What didn't she want me to know? How bad was it that I wasn't allowed to know, even though it was ABOUT ME?
Uh, um, this may be the root of my school-based inferiority issues ...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Memorial Day Parade
And, a good time was had by all.
I was on the fence about whether or not to take the guys to the "biggest Memorial Day parade in the U.S." I love parades and honoring those who serve our country, so the combination in a Memorial Day parade works for me, but I wasn't sure if Husband or DuckyBoy would be up for it. Unknown location, didn't know how big the crowd would be, how far we'd have to walk, would we be able to see anything, how long would it be, and on and on.
Then yesterday morning, DuckyBoy mentioned that his friend S. would be marching in a parade with her Girl Scouts. Having already looked up the info, I knew it had to be this one -- so my decision was made!
There were enough people that it wasn't lonely, but we got there in time to get a great parking spot, a bit of curb to sit on, and even some shade. There were enough vehicles and bagpipes for DuckyBoy and enough sidewalk for Husband to sit down.
It was 2 hours, and they were having a good enough time that we could stay for the whole thing. I can't wait to watch it again next year!
On the way home we were going to go to Speed Racer, but DuckyBoy said he was so tired he didn't think he could sit through a movie! And he's been asking to see this one, so we took him seriously and just came home, which must have been the right choice.
But he doesn't seem sick... now we're just asking ourselves, what did we do right? And when?? So far the theory seems to include getting him up and out on Saturday morning, to something new that interested him (especially the worms), and then a chance to play with an active, yet easy-going, boy near his own age.
Now, how do we line that up every weekend...
I was on the fence about whether or not to take the guys to the "biggest Memorial Day parade in the U.S." I love parades and honoring those who serve our country, so the combination in a Memorial Day parade works for me, but I wasn't sure if Husband or DuckyBoy would be up for it. Unknown location, didn't know how big the crowd would be, how far we'd have to walk, would we be able to see anything, how long would it be, and on and on.
Then yesterday morning, DuckyBoy mentioned that his friend S. would be marching in a parade with her Girl Scouts. Having already looked up the info, I knew it had to be this one -- so my decision was made!
There were enough people that it wasn't lonely, but we got there in time to get a great parking spot, a bit of curb to sit on, and even some shade. There were enough vehicles and bagpipes for DuckyBoy and enough sidewalk for Husband to sit down.
It was 2 hours, and they were having a good enough time that we could stay for the whole thing. I can't wait to watch it again next year!
On the way home we were going to go to Speed Racer, but DuckyBoy said he was so tired he didn't think he could sit through a movie! And he's been asking to see this one, so we took him seriously and just came home, which must have been the right choice.
But he doesn't seem sick... now we're just asking ourselves, what did we do right? And when?? So far the theory seems to include getting him up and out on Saturday morning, to something new that interested him (especially the worms), and then a chance to play with an active, yet easy-going, boy near his own age.
Now, how do we line that up every weekend...
Monday, May 26, 2008
Lunch Planning, With Autism
Kari had a recent post that included how she packed her son's lunch. Her son The Cat has long reminded me of DuckyBoy, and even though my comment on her post got posted twice (sorry, Kari!!) I thought I'd put my ideas here as well.
Kari was relating an experience about trying to pack her son's lunch and having him say no to everything she tried to put in. DB would do the same if I let him. I think he would have oyster crackers, potato sticks, and Newman-O's every day in his lunch if I let him decide.
I also don't have the time or the tolerance for the back-and-forth negotiating at 7 am, so now we decide in advance, in writing, what main dish I will pack each day of the upcoming week. I choose the sides and dessert each morning (or the night before) based on what he likes, occasionally trying something new.
Most weeks I remember to do it, at bedtime snack time on Sunday night, and it works pretty well. I post the list on one of the kitchen cabinets. It helps me as much as it helps him!
Some weeks I'll let him choose the same thing (like pasta) every day. Other weeks I figure, in exchange for giving him the privilege of mostly picking what he gets to eat, I get to pick the 5th day (and I tell him what it is immediately) or I'll say he needs to eat 2 different things over the 5 days.
So this week, for example, he has pasta today -- with Grandma's sauce, which is great since we were eating that for dinner as we made the list and it's an unusual lunch choice for him. Tomorrow is his school's Field Day, so no Thermoses, so he can have one of his beloved Uncrustables.
I told him that today or Thursday he needs to have a homemade ham sandwich, so he chose that for Thursday. (Poor kid, Boar's Head honey ham on Arnold whole-wheat bread, it's a tough life.)
For Friday he chose another Uncrustable. At $1 apiece, I try to limit those to 1-2 a week, which is why he has pasta today (his first choice was another Uncrustable). They're also not that hearty -- pb&j on white bread, I might as well pack him a candy bar -- but it has the appearance of being a Real Lunch Choice, so that counts for something.
It helps that we do this menu planning at a time when he usually wants to be doing something else -- he's finished his dinner and wants to go watch TV, and I don't let him until we have this done.
And he's good about it -- even when he doesn't eat the homemade sandwich, for example, as happened a couple of weeks ago, at least he knew it was coming. And I try to give him something hearty on the side those days just in case ... like peanut butter cookies for protein and potato sticks for the fat.
Kari was relating an experience about trying to pack her son's lunch and having him say no to everything she tried to put in. DB would do the same if I let him. I think he would have oyster crackers, potato sticks, and Newman-O's every day in his lunch if I let him decide.
I also don't have the time or the tolerance for the back-and-forth negotiating at 7 am, so now we decide in advance, in writing, what main dish I will pack each day of the upcoming week. I choose the sides and dessert each morning (or the night before) based on what he likes, occasionally trying something new.
Most weeks I remember to do it, at bedtime snack time on Sunday night, and it works pretty well. I post the list on one of the kitchen cabinets. It helps me as much as it helps him!
Some weeks I'll let him choose the same thing (like pasta) every day. Other weeks I figure, in exchange for giving him the privilege of mostly picking what he gets to eat, I get to pick the 5th day (and I tell him what it is immediately) or I'll say he needs to eat 2 different things over the 5 days.
So this week, for example, he has pasta today -- with Grandma's sauce, which is great since we were eating that for dinner as we made the list and it's an unusual lunch choice for him. Tomorrow is his school's Field Day, so no Thermoses, so he can have one of his beloved Uncrustables.
I told him that today or Thursday he needs to have a homemade ham sandwich, so he chose that for Thursday. (Poor kid, Boar's Head honey ham on Arnold whole-wheat bread, it's a tough life.)
For Friday he chose another Uncrustable. At $1 apiece, I try to limit those to 1-2 a week, which is why he has pasta today (his first choice was another Uncrustable). They're also not that hearty -- pb&j on white bread, I might as well pack him a candy bar -- but it has the appearance of being a Real Lunch Choice, so that counts for something.
It helps that we do this menu planning at a time when he usually wants to be doing something else -- he's finished his dinner and wants to go watch TV, and I don't let him until we have this done.
And he's good about it -- even when he doesn't eat the homemade sandwich, for example, as happened a couple of weeks ago, at least he knew it was coming. And I try to give him something hearty on the side those days just in case ... like peanut butter cookies for protein and potato sticks for the fat.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
A Great Weekend So Far
DuckyBoy has been fantastic this weekend. Granted, there's a day left of the 3-day, but wow.
On Saturday he and I attended a planting day at the NY Congregational Home; there were lots of people helping this year (unlike years past when there's been a smattering of folks from our church and no one else), so I didn't feel badly when he skipped from project to project.
Most fun was simply watching a worm we dug up; for a short-attention span kid, it was awesome to sit with him, heads together, and watch the worm crawl around on my (gloved, thank you) hand for 5 minute? 10 minutes? And he was even willing to put it in his (gloved) hand.
He was delighted with worms, and the hard sap he found on a tree, and said something like, "It's like we're on a nature walk!"
Then we attended a party and on our way in I tried someting new: I took a moment to explain to him that I expected to spend most of the time at the party talking with the other adults, and I expected him to play with B. ( a boy about his age who he knows) or on his own (I didn't say, "alone" which is a trigger word for DB...).
And, by golly, he did it! I hardly heard a peep from him! For hours!
Today he wanted to sit in front in church. And I mean, IN FRONT. We could practically see up the minister's nostrils. But DB seemed to like being there, and even entertained himself during the hymn!
Afterwards we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in honor of its being the bridge's 125th birthday, which is long for him and yes, he complained, but after his dad explained the options (do it without whining and thereby honor God; or do it and whine and make mom and dad mad), he did it.
On the way home, he fell asleep... for more than an hour!
Which makes us wonder ... Is he sick?
On Saturday he and I attended a planting day at the NY Congregational Home; there were lots of people helping this year (unlike years past when there's been a smattering of folks from our church and no one else), so I didn't feel badly when he skipped from project to project.
Most fun was simply watching a worm we dug up; for a short-attention span kid, it was awesome to sit with him, heads together, and watch the worm crawl around on my (gloved, thank you) hand for 5 minute? 10 minutes? And he was even willing to put it in his (gloved) hand.
He was delighted with worms, and the hard sap he found on a tree, and said something like, "It's like we're on a nature walk!"
Then we attended a party and on our way in I tried someting new: I took a moment to explain to him that I expected to spend most of the time at the party talking with the other adults, and I expected him to play with B. ( a boy about his age who he knows) or on his own (I didn't say, "alone" which is a trigger word for DB...).
And, by golly, he did it! I hardly heard a peep from him! For hours!
Today he wanted to sit in front in church. And I mean, IN FRONT. We could practically see up the minister's nostrils. But DB seemed to like being there, and even entertained himself during the hymn!
Afterwards we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in honor of its being the bridge's 125th birthday, which is long for him and yes, he complained, but after his dad explained the options (do it without whining and thereby honor God; or do it and whine and make mom and dad mad), he did it.
On the way home, he fell asleep... for more than an hour!
Which makes us wonder ... Is he sick?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Ready to Be Six
DuckyBoy told me tonight he's tired of being five. He wants to be six.
You're five and three-quarters, I told him after doing the mental math.
But that wasn't good enough. Wonder what's up.
He had a great day today, went to Build a Bear to make what he calls his "Citizen Bear"-- reward for being Citizen of the Month last month. We meant to do it right after he got the award, but life happens. In-laws need to be visited before the jet off to Italy for a month. Boot camps start and finish.
Anyway, once it was belated, we decided to time it to coincide with the next citizen award ceremony (which was yesterday), to remind him that he hasn't lost anything by it being someone else's turn, that "Once a Citizen, Always a Citizen."
He wasn't upset by the selection of a new citizen... just uninterested in sitting through the assembly AT ALL. When I arrived to help with the end of the school plant sale, he was sitting in the lobby with the librarian reading a book. One kid out of a couple hundred, mine, is sitting in the hallway being babysat. Happy As A Lark. Later he told me he said the Pledge of Allegiance and then [insert a lack of detail as big as a black hole] sat in the hall with Mrs. L. I heard through the grapevine there was minor commotion involved, as in noise being made. Otherwise I got no details from anyone -- yet.
How is he going to survive the next 11 years of school when he cannot tolerate what does not interest him? (Or, should I instead be asking, Why do we all tolerate so much when it's possible to behave like him and not have to do it?!?)
Oh wait, I get it. He wants to be six so he can be Citizen of the Month again next year in first grade. Here's a hint, lovey: Try sitting through an assembly!!
You're five and three-quarters, I told him after doing the mental math.
But that wasn't good enough. Wonder what's up.
He had a great day today, went to Build a Bear to make what he calls his "Citizen Bear"-- reward for being Citizen of the Month last month. We meant to do it right after he got the award, but life happens. In-laws need to be visited before the jet off to Italy for a month. Boot camps start and finish.
Anyway, once it was belated, we decided to time it to coincide with the next citizen award ceremony (which was yesterday), to remind him that he hasn't lost anything by it being someone else's turn, that "Once a Citizen, Always a Citizen."
He wasn't upset by the selection of a new citizen... just uninterested in sitting through the assembly AT ALL. When I arrived to help with the end of the school plant sale, he was sitting in the lobby with the librarian reading a book. One kid out of a couple hundred, mine, is sitting in the hallway being babysat. Happy As A Lark. Later he told me he said the Pledge of Allegiance and then [insert a lack of detail as big as a black hole] sat in the hall with Mrs. L. I heard through the grapevine there was minor commotion involved, as in noise being made. Otherwise I got no details from anyone -- yet.
How is he going to survive the next 11 years of school when he cannot tolerate what does not interest him? (Or, should I instead be asking, Why do we all tolerate so much when it's possible to behave like him and not have to do it?!?)
Oh wait, I get it. He wants to be six so he can be Citizen of the Month again next year in first grade. Here's a hint, lovey: Try sitting through an assembly!!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Being Part of the Group
This phrase gets used a lot in DuckyBoy's classroom, "being part of the group." It's a difficult concept for him, since he wants everyone else to ...
I had an enlightening experience earlier this week; I rode with my friend to a dance festival Duckyboy’s class participated in, and the other moms wanted to leave right after our class had performed. Although I was looking forward to having lunch with that group of moms (which is why we all left together), I was unhappy because I wanted to see all of the performances.
I seriously considered how else I could get home from there, like, which main street nearby might have a bus line, but since it was a part of Queens I don't really know, I had no idea how to get home from there without riding with my friend.
And so, I had to leave; I had to be part of the group. And I was unhappy about it for longer than just a moment; it took until we got to the diner to snap out of it!
That doesn't happen to me very often. For one thing, I'm pretty easy-going. For another, my social circle's just not that big, and I'm sure I surround myself with people I'm not going to disagree with very much about what we do.
So it was a good reminder that what we're asking DB to do is.not.easy.
You can read what we did this weekend at the blog I started for stuff that he'll want to see. I'm hoping one of these days he'll start to have some ideas of things to post. I'm also hoping they're not as long as the Peeps Adventure; there's a second one I haven't even posted yet.
- do what he wants them to do
- when he wants them to do it,
I had an enlightening experience earlier this week; I rode with my friend to a dance festival Duckyboy’s class participated in, and the other moms wanted to leave right after our class had performed. Although I was looking forward to having lunch with that group of moms (which is why we all left together), I was unhappy because I wanted to see all of the performances.
I seriously considered how else I could get home from there, like, which main street nearby might have a bus line, but since it was a part of Queens I don't really know, I had no idea how to get home from there without riding with my friend.
And so, I had to leave; I had to be part of the group. And I was unhappy about it for longer than just a moment; it took until we got to the diner to snap out of it!
That doesn't happen to me very often. For one thing, I'm pretty easy-going. For another, my social circle's just not that big, and I'm sure I surround myself with people I'm not going to disagree with very much about what we do.
So it was a good reminder that what we're asking DB to do is.not.easy.
You can read what we did this weekend at the blog I started for stuff that he'll want to see. I'm hoping one of these days he'll start to have some ideas of things to post. I'm also hoping they're not as long as the Peeps Adventure; there's a second one I haven't even posted yet.
