Project Oasis at the Halfway Point

Husband is off work this week, and DuckyBoy is at his grandparents ... at Grandma's request, I might add.

So when we were casting about thinking of what to do on our vacation, the usual things came up: places like Puerto Rico (which, given the current hurricanes blowing through that region, we're really glad we didn't opt for), London (which I love), and the like.

One day, Husband called from work and said he had the perfect plan for our vacation: "Project oasis." he said.

"I'm in!" I said, loving the sound of it. "What is it?"

Brilliant mind that he is, it's rearranging, organizing, sorting, and otherwise making our apartment into the oasis-to-come-home-to that a home should be. We never really did that when we moved here; at the time, we were both kind of crazy in our own ways. He was still trying to move up the ranks at Big Bad Corporate Bank and I felt all alone dealing with baby DuckyBoy, who was starting to veer from the behaviors the baby books told me to expect, yet didn't seem delayed in any significant way.

So, here we are. And we're having a blast.

Monday we sorted and rearranged the shop/pantry, then took a boatload of stuff to the Salvation Army, bought a new smooth-tilting tripod at B&H Photo, and treated ourselves to dinner at Metrazur. For $44 you get appetizer, entree, dessert And a bottle of wine. What a deal! And everything was really good, too. Plus you're overlooking the waiting room at Grand Central Station.

I had a Groupon-type coupon from Open Table for the restaurant, which is why we were going to that particular place. I bought the coupon deal (spend $25 for $50 off your meal) because the place is a no-brainer for us: Created by Aureole chef Charlie Palmer, the menu had things I knew we'd like, excellent value price fix, fun location, on and on.

Husband says the best moment of the day was when, after fielding several questions from him-on-the-couch about what for him was a mystery restaurant (including, "Has Adam Platt reviewed it?), I finally said, "I'll lookm, but this is the last question I'm answering about Metrazur. You can come with me, or I'll go with someone else some other time."

He bust out laughing, got up and went to his computer, and he looked it up himself ... and immediately knew why I was so sure of myself. He loved that I, as he put it, stood up for myself. And we had a great laugh!

Tuesday, we tackled our bedroom. We treated ourselves to egg sandwiches and juice via delivery from the diner, then moved the 3 large Ikea wardrobes from our room to the playroom/other room/ room-to-be-named-later. Which meant dis- and re-assembling them. And we did it without a single argument, which is huge. We did realize that no design decisions were really involved, which is when feelings get involved and our tempers rise. But, still. Anything involving both of us and tools has traditionally caused at least one tiff.

Then we went to Ikea and sized our cabinets for the pantry, double-checked the pieces we want for the bedroom, and ate at The Family restaurant, mainly because we haven't been there in, oh, forever, and it's one of the reasons we live in Forest Hills. Happily, it hasn't changed much in the year or so. (I was a little worried because recently a sign appeared in the window, "Cool off with a margarita, sangria, or daquiri," which is usually a sign of desperation when a restaurant starts touting drinks completely unrelated to their cuisine.)

Today, we tackle the many boxes in the bedroom and ... [insert gasp] ... do some more planning of the office/living room before we move the myriad heavy things around. We had eggs with our leftover veal Valdostana from Da Family, and we're ready to go!

Haiku Friday: Week Off!

Husband just asked me,
"Did you do your haiku yet?"
I've got a good man.

Last week I blew it
blame it on the vacation ...
but not Donald Duck!

Sorry!!

(Anyone know where this Donald is in Disney World? I've got nothing in particular to give away, but I'll come up with something for someone who gets it right!)

Here we are, not-haiku'ing at Epcot --
Tink, where are you? --
Atlantis pictures to come...

Want to play along on Haiku Friday? It's easy!

Just write a haiku (5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables) on your blog, any theme.

Put the post url into Mister Linky here, then please leave a comment after linking.

Not a blogger? Feel free to write your haiku in the comment field.

And have a great weekend!

Quiet Is Good But...

I miss DuckyBoy. He's at his grandparents since last night, we get him tomorrow. We had a great time with them on Easter, Husband made an awesome scallops-with-cauliflower-puree appetizer and also herb-cruster lamb. He's channeling Gordon Ramsay, how sexy is that!

Anyway. Usually when we're kid-free I can relax and let loose. This time I feel more, well, uptight. Wanted him to stay at Grandma's so I could work today, that's not exactly a recipe for footloose and fancy-free.

We did go out tonight and hit 2 Happy Hour specials PLUS a movie- woohoo!

I do like the quiet. But I miss my little guy.

The Cockroaches Are Coming

Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches, actually. Which apparently are socially and hygienically more like beetles than cockroaches but have an unfortunately genetic similarities that saddles them with an off-putting moniker.

Apparently no one else is willing to take them home for Spring break, so DuckyBoy is delighted to babysit these class pets from the other 1st grade Nest class.

We're all looking forward to it... ulp...

Autism and Church

I wonder if my other blog should shift from Autism and Public Schools, which many people advocate and talk about and research so much better than me, to Autism and Church.

I stumbled across this idea this evening... of a focus on Autism at a church service on February 8th. I wonder if my church might be open to it.

As part of it, I would be willing to --actually, relieved to -- speak and say that DB has autism and how that manifests itself in the way he acts and thinks at church. (Wonder if Husband would be open to that...)

There is another child at church with autism and other more severe disabilities as well, which might be eye-opening for our congregation to see the spectrum.

This was our experience today:

Toward the beginning of the service, DB said "Amen" after the Lord's Prayer, and I thought how funny it is that someone who overheard him might think he was saying "Amen" to the prayer. In fact, I know he was correcting the pronunciation -- most everyone near us said "ah-men" and he prefers "ay-men".

Then during the children's sermon, as usual he was unable to keep from blurting out the answers when the minister asks them all a question. (Someone has actually commented to Husband about this. Someone with a well-behaved, hand-raising child of course.)

At least he only eyed up the communion elements as he walked past and did not try to take any. Whew!

In his Sunday School class, DuckyBoy does well sometimes and other times not, and the teacher rotates so no one quite knows how to deal with him. They are wonderful moms with good hearts but the best they can do is tolerate him for the 30 minutes. I know he's disruptive, today I get the impression he was intractible. (He's been "off" the past few days anyway, and , I forgot his snack.) He also told me tonight a boy in class told him he was a baby, or playing with a baby toy, he described what he was playing with but I don't know what it was. On the upside, he reconnected with his old friend K., and they drew pictures for each other (the project was to draw for a secret pal in the class and give them the artwork, and apparently they picked each other.)

He flat-out tells the beautifully-voiced soprano who volunteers her time to sing with them that he doesn't like her, her voice, etc. *Sigh.*

DB also got us in an embarrassing situation today after church. Kids are allowed to play in the gym during coffee hour, but, well I'll admit it, they are supposed to be supervised by their parents. He has always been good about coming to get us when he needs us, but today he got a little hurt or something ( I still don't know if it was physical or his feelings that got hurt) and while one mom tried to comfort him, another came to get us.

And, well, she had a few patronizing words for us, too, about how we "might want to keep an eye on him" ... "because he likes to play with the bigger kids and yadda yadda" and "I try to keep an eye on him because my son is there too" and "I think he's hungry" and I think Husband wanted to strangle her. (Edited to add: Later on, Husband was grateful she'd come to get us.)

Anyway, today's experience made me look around a bit on the web. Preliminary search turns up a few drips and drabs -- like a good article from 2002 about a mom and her young child, a Dad's heartfelt post that rang true for me, and a decent-sounding book, Autism and Your Church, though it may be more for my children's ministry coordinator than me.

Since I said an hour ago I was going to go to bed and since tomorrow is The Grind Begins Again Day with the 6 AM alarm, I will cease research for the night. But it's not like I came up with anything that covers the topic extensively. I think there might be a place for me.

Contrasts

Same beach (basically), but two very different experiences. His issues? My expectations? The presence of dad? Probably a combination of factors. You be the judge:

Part 1.
On Friday afternoon DuckyBoy and I went to one of the big state parks near us, Jones Beach, just to get to the beach once this summer. We went to the nature center first, since I was pretty sure he'd like that. Since we got there late in the day, we had the place to ourselves; he got to help the ranger feed the turtles (and I fed a live cricket to the toads), we also saw frogs and mussels and a starfish (who was eating a mussel -- very cool), played with the puppets, and he was pretty good about walking the boardwalk they have set up around the dunes. Not much to see, so I'm sure it wasn't his thing, but he didn't complain too much. We dug around outside in the sand in the "bone yard" they had set up, he was into that as well.

He must have been getting hungry since he asked the ranger if she had anything to eat; she didn't, but showed us what other part of the park to go to.

We were the next-to-last car to leave the nature center; they block off the entrance at that time of day, so we were sort of "locked in"; he liked that, and even said, "Being closed in the nature center makes me feel ... fun."

Then we headed down the parkway to the beach with the Friendly's concession. Silly me, I was looking for an actual Friendly's so at first I missed it, but we doubled back and found the right place.

By then it really was his dinner time, so the first thing we did was order nuggets and fries, which they had (scoring big points with DB), then picked a spot on the beach to spread out our blanket and eat them. Our spot was pretty close to the concessions, but I didn't think that mattered; we were there just to be there, I had no expectations. I didn't even care if we went in the water.

So, he ate and we watched the seagulls inch closer and closer. I love to make up conversations with the animals -- "I'm just being neighborly, standing here close by in case you need to throw away a french fry, I'm here for ya," -- that kind of thing. I drew a circle in the sand around the blanket and told the gulls to stay behind it, which tickled DB to watch them inch up to it ... and, to our surprise, not cross it! Which elicited much laughter on both our parts.

And then, we ran into friends we haven't seen in, like, a year, and spent an hour or so with them, closer to the water. DB built a sand castle, we told a story about the miniature king and queen (and all the princes and princesses and ladies in waiting and knights and cooks and butlers) who lived there. He LOVED telling a story with a REAL prop right in front of us. LOVED it.

So, all in all, a great afternoon. Just 3 hours, we never even put our swimsuits on, and it didn't matter.

Part 2.
I had such a good time with him that I wanted to go again on the weekend. So we went back on Sunday, with Husband too, good sport that he is to brave the area's most popular state park on a holiday weekend afternoon. It wasn't overly crowded, but the parking lot was full for the beach we'd gone to on Friday so we chose another, with a much further walk to the water.

Well.

As soon as we arrived, DB started to ask when we could get nuggets and fries. Now, Husband and I have had.it.up.to.here with this kid's proclivity to eat tiny bits of food at mealtimes and then be Insistently.Hungry.Again in, like, 2 hours. So we weren't in the mood to pay to feed him when we'd just eaten lunch an hour before. He couldn't have been THAT hungry. I figured it was more his trying to recreate the routine from Friday.

Since the concession/showers building was far from the water, we needed to put our suits on before spreading out the blanket and settling down. Well, he didn't want to put on his suit. Poor Husband had to deal with that one. Didn't help anyone's mood.

Once that was accomplished, we headed across the sand. He wanted to pick a spot right near the building (partly repeating the routine, partly he hates to walk.) Husband and I wanted to go in the water, so we made him trudge. Whine, moan, complain, can we get Friendly's. Can we get Friendly's.

It was a far enough walk that we weren't looking forward to making a special trip back up to the building just to get him the food, especially since we still didn't think he was THAT hungry, so we said we'd get it LATER.

Oh, geez. Too vague. Whine, whine, whiiiiiiiine; it was so bad that Husband and I jointly stopped more than once and contemplated going right back home. (We're rarely on the same page like that, so that was actually good for our relationship, though we'd of course rather not have been having to deal with it at all!)

We told DB, and reminded him it would NOT be fun-n-games with Mommy at home, or relaxin'-with-the-TV; he'd be in his room, alone. So he had to pick. He did his best to complain less.

So, finally, we get near to the water and get the blanket set up, and his sand castle building stuff, which he was looking foward to on the ride out. And he's STILL asking about those d*mn nuggets and fries!

Then Husband went in the water and pronounced it cold. OK, so he went in a little later, and I coax DB down to the water's edge (he only walks on the sand with his Crocs on, mind you). I tell him he just has to get his feet wet, he's whining and complaining about that. I tell him no nuggets and fries unless he gets his feet wet. He still is close to freaking out.

Finally his feet get wet, it's not sooo bad, then we tell him he can stand or sit on the edge while Husband and I go in just a little. Like, literally, not even up to my waist. I just wanted part of me in the water, so I could tolerate his fuss, fuss, fuss by the seaside. Fine, whatever.

Then, suddenly, he's screaming; there were flies on the water's edge and he got bit, since, duh, he's standing still! I know I should be more sympathetic but I just am not. *Sigh.*

Anyway, that got us out of the water and back to the blanket, where not only does he want to drink my lemonade instead of his specially-picked root beer, but he also wants to sit.on.my.lap.

Yes, the child will turn 6 years old tomorrow, and he wants to sit on my flippin' lap at the beach. Husband nixed that for me, which I appreciated since I don't know how to say no.

And again he's asking about the nuggets and fries. We finally had to use our standard ultimatum, which is: "We know you want them. You know we're going to take care of you. So if you ask about it again, you don't get it." And we got out the Pringles, which helped too.

So then he settled down a bit and directed me on making a sand castle for him. (This is a running joke with Husband now, that DB is the Executive and I am the Do-er; like this morning DB said, "Let's tell a story about a car, it's his first day of first grade but he is scared. Not like me, I am not scared." And then he sits back and expects me to tell the tale.)

And so, I made a sand castle. He turned out to be interested in the sand underwater at the bottom of the pail, and the bits of shells and whatever we could find to float in the water; "a miniature beach!" he called it.

So, OK, he's interested in something beach related, I'm happy.

And, since the sun was bright and we didn't know about the umbrella rentals back at the building until after we'd trekked to the water, we didn't stay too long, us with our Germanic-Scottish pale pink skin.

He was good about not being able to take the "miniature beach" with us, pouring it out when we left. After much discussion, he also seemed to like stepping on the day's sand castle; Friday's we had left as-is. (So it was just as well we didn't return to the same beach to find it gone!)

Finally, finally, he got his nuggets and fries, and didn't even complain about standing in line with me for it. He was happy to eat it on the way home -- even suggested that himself -- and ate a good amount of it, too.

But geez, Husband and I were pretty emotionally drained!

On the upside, though, we Got To The Beach As a Family Once. And the day after, sounds like the water was closed and even some of the parking lots at Jones Beach, due to tropical-storm related high tides. So we went on the right day, for Husband and me anyway!

Vacation Haiku

On vacation now
A road trip for fam'ly fun --
A bit of a risk...

Yes, we're in the midst of a Pennsylvania-Ohio-Indiana road trip right now. I told a friend our plans before we left and she comment, "You like it complicated."

I guess I do. That actually explains a lot. Will have to muse more on that later!

Midday Haiku

Usually I remember about Haiku Friday after we've gone out and I'm checking my computer while DH is driving the babysitter home. For a change, I'll try it midday (and sober) today!

The last day of camp,
DuckyBoy is so happy
comfort awaits him.

He can hardly wait,
TV and computer games
in his pajamas...

What he doesn't know
Are all the plans I'm making
To keep him moving.

I want him to rest
But not turn couch potato
for he gets cranky.

Got Those Summer Camp Blues

He complained today,
"Camp is killing my summer,"
he'd rather be home.

His cough has faded
during the daytime at least ...
Back to camp he goes!

Just one more week there
One full week of just half days
Does it help or hurt?

When I read too much
I wonder if it hurts him,
Pressure to conform.

Yet I survived it;
Part of life is adapting
where you don't fit in,

Until you can find
the people and places that
accept who you are.

Happy Haiku Friday!

If you need a pick-me-up, I recommend "Mamma Mia." Pierce Brosnan can't sing, but he gets points for trying.

Summer's Coming

I'm getting a little worried about what to do with DuckyBoy during the half-days after summer school, and during the span after summer school is done.

I tend toward the easy option, which is staying home, thinking we'll do so many fun!! things, like make crafts, cook together, go to the park.

What usually happens, at least on single days off, is he spends half the day watching TV and the other half playing on the computer, and when I finally try to drag him outside he gives me hard time and it hardly seems worth it.

I think I should plan something specific, either at-home or out, for each specific day. Not really my style, only because then I get too rigid and feel all " We Must Do This Today. It's On The Schedule," but I think that'll help me.

So far I have the NY Hall of Science, Long Island Children's Museum, Queens Botanical Garden, and finding a particular coffee shop in Bed-Sty (the owner spoke at my Business Plan Class graduation), where I assume we'll drive past a playground at some point as well. And then there's the new swimming center in Corona Park. Indoor so we won't get sunburned, yeah! And my friend M says it's clean, thanks for checking it out!!

And the beach would be a good trip, too, out to Jones Beach or Robert Moses. Especially on a weekday, when the crowd will be lighter. Maybe we can get somebody to come with us.

Last summer we took one of those bus-around-the-city tours, DuckyBoy was excited about the trolley. There's also a bus that goes in the water for part of the route; maybe I'll do that with him this year. That reminds me of the Police Museum downtown, I've always wanted to go there. That could work on a Tuesday afternoon before we check out the song time, then game time, for the kids in the evenings at our Brooklyn church. (Gotta make that commute count!)

Good thing I'm writing these things down; otherwise, I tend to do none of them. And I'd better set a budget for summer activities, as some of these ideas are going to add up, especially when we factor in DuckyBoy's love of gift shops.

Now, on to vacation plans ... Since we didn't get the beach club this year, we'd like to spend a few weekends away from home. Guess who's in charge of planning those, or at least coming up with the ideas? Yes, moi.

And I like to do it, since I like to travel. But I have to fight my tendency to inaction, especially when it comes to planning activities that I know are going to cost money. If everything was free, I'd be all over, well, everything! I guess I can start with our budget, we're thinking 3 grand since that's what the beach club would have cost.

Can I plan 3 weekends for 3 grand, or only 2? I'll keep you posted!