Lesser Known Milestones

The past couple of weeks I've noticed some subtle milestones in DuckyBoy's life, ones the parenting books never talk about:
* Thirst not satisfied by small bottle of water
* Snack-size ziploc bags don't hold enough of anything for a snack

That got me thinking about the others that, since there's such a wide range of when they occur, the books just don't even bother with. But aren't they huge for moms, like:
* Wipes own butt
* Orders own meal at restaurant
* Can be left alone 5-10 minutes while you run to mailbox or put laundry into dryer (especially in an apartment building, where a locked door and an elevator separates you), or in front of apartment building with heavy objects while you get the car a block away and pull up.
* Turns on TV
* Changes channel on TV
* Finds own DVR'd show

I'm still waiting on these:
*Sets DVR for own shows
* Eats restaurant meal without your having to cut up the nuggets

Doesn't Feel Like Much, Yet...

These are my days this week so far... (this is kind of an amalgamation but you get the idea.)

7 am:
Pack DuckyBoy's snack.
Get Husband's pain meds.
Take shower.
Get dressed.
Get Husband his prednisone by 8 am. (That's what the dosing info says?!).
Have first cup of coffee.
7:40:
Pick up DuckyBoy's friend and drive both boys to school.
Drive home and pick up Husband.
8:30:
Drive him to work.
Have 2nd cup of coffee.
Drive back to Queens.
9:30 am
Shop at Trader Joe's. Get heavy bag of water, flowers, chips.
10:30 am
Scrounge quarters so I can park in front of the nail salon.
Park twice so I'm not too far away from the curb.
10:35:
Let myself get talked into having my eyebrows and lip waxed in addition to bikini.
11:30:
Drive to DB's school and pick him up.
12:00:
Listen to DB vent at me.
(Monday) Take him to dentist on Long Island.
12:45:
Sit in chair with DB while dental assistant cleans his teeth.
Pet nice kitty on the way back to the car.
1:30:
(Monday) Take proud son home. Agree he should be proud to have endured cleaning he was scared of.
3:30:
Agree to take him to Disney store for a white Puffle because he was so good at the dentist. Resist comparing white puffle with tooth for fear it will be a turn-off (likely). Remind him that the Lego store (latest obsession) opened in the mall.
5 pm:
Begin feeding DB dinner.
6:45 pm:
Go to pool because it's too hot to go home.
8:10 pm:
Get home and give DB enough to eat that he stops saying "I'm starving!" and will go to bed.
8:25:
Help DB brush his teeth. Read to him. Set up "guards." Get him cold water. Check hamster. Give her fresh water. Turn off room light. Turn on nightlight and music.
8:40:
Change his fuzzy blanket for my old quilt... slightly less heat-holding, yet still protective from things that go bump in night.
8:50:
Collapse on bed next to Husband and watch TV.

* * *
We've also been to the Hall of Science with a friend, and we've been to the pool I think 3 days out of 3. And today we went grocery shopping. And, sucker that I am, I agreed to go back to the mall. I swear, this is the last Lego for a while! (I'm taking a cue from my friend and have offered DB a deal -- his next coveted set for some math work with coins ... now if I can just find that workbook I bought!

It's Too Hot!

DuckyBoy has been like a different kid, most of the time, since my last post. Maybe, just maybe, something got through. AS Husband said, "Sometimes, you get a glimpse that he's going to turn out ok."

DB's also been HUNGRY nonstop for the past week or so! It's actually fun to be able to make food for him that he chomps through and then wants more.

And not just junk, though he is mostly sticking to his usuals -- oyster crackers with cream cheese, chicken nuggets, fries -- he's also taken a fancy to Boar's Head Baby Swiss cheese, pretzel thins, and hummus. That's my boy!!

Whazza?

I have been so negligent ... even my ad network has left me (temporarily)! Apologies all around.
I'm having trouble logging into Google (aka Blogger) consistently -- this time it worked, hooray.

I missed 2 weeks of Haiku Friday?? My schedule must be off.
Why, yes it is... school's out for the summer!

"Summer camp" started today. In quotes because DuckyBoy is figuring it out: "It's just school!" (Well, yes, but only 4 hours' worth. And not as intense.) But, he had a good time anyway today, even on the bus because his friend whose mom drives him during the year is on it for the summer. (Not that they're Best Friends ... he's certain to point that out to us every time we mention this kid's name. Sheesh.)

Remembered this weekend that he sleepwalks/ sleep talks when he's very anxious ... which is right before something new. There, it's in print now. One year I'll notice the pattern.

Looks like I make more typos than usual after I've had 2 g&t's. Imagine that.

Had a heart-wrenching heart-to-heart with DB tonight about being happy. "Every other kid is happy except me."

Happiness is fleeting, I tell him, and also that all those other kids don't rethink every minute of their day Every.Single.Time. "Can I brush my teeth in bed? "You don't comb my hair on weekends!"

I even had to tell him that people comb their hair on weekends. I know that's hard to hear, I said. Dad and I have tried to protect you from the pain you feel, but it's not working. So you might as well know.

I'm sure I contributed to his being this way. And I'm just as sure it's partly genetic, as both adults in the household are on Zoloft. But what else can I do???
Tough love, redefined. In a marshmallow sort of way.

Overall the end of the year went really well for him. I got "guypped" out of a party-ish thing at the pool club on the last day of school: ALL the other moms (and their kids) were going, we were all going to order pizza, play in the pool, yadda yadda, I was telling peopole I was going up until like a half-hour before pickup time ...

... at which time DB informed me in no uncertain terms all he wanted to do was Go. Home.

I forget how anxious the end of year makes him.

So we went home.

I hope I did the right thing.

Has Parenthood Changed Your Sense of Humor?

It's changed mine in that I'm more aware of what I find funny as I see DuckyBoy get jokes that I'm not sure he'll get, or explain ones he doesn't and watch the light dawn.

I also notice there are certain things I don't find as funny -- cringe-worthy topics --as a parent and just as I get older, I guess.

I also sometimes have to NOT laugh at things I (sigh) have to send the Responsible Adult message about. Fortunately, Husband and I can usually take turns being the Serious One and the Snickerer.

Our latest favorite joke is from a recent Reader's Digest:

A guy is really lonely, so he gets a pet centipede and a little box to keep him in.

One night the guy says to his new pet, "Hey, do you want to go get a bite to eat with me?"

No answer.

After a couple of minutes he asks again: "Are you up for going out to eat?"

Nothing.

He waits a few minutes more and then shouts, "Hey, do you want to hang out or what?!"

A little voice says irritably from inside the box, "I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes."

(Badda-bumm.)

Whew

After all, I'm 45, for pete's sake. Getting a little old for this, dontcha think?

It's true that I can't bring myself to give away the Moses basket or some of the cutest baby clothes and stuff ... so I do have some mixed emotions about the whole thing ... but overall, I'm sticking with, Whew.

Haiku Friday: The Joys of Togetherness

Please, family, please,
I just need 90 seconds
surely you'll survive

without me that long,
I know it will be hard, but ...
I just need to pee!

This is the last day of winter break...

It's been great, but the 3 of us together all day long? Tough on Mom!

Want to play along on Haiku Friday? You know what to do: Write haiku, any theme. Put the post url into Mister Linky here, then please leave a comment after linking.

And be sure to have a great weekend!

Why I Don't Want My Son To Say "OMG"

I've never liked to hear people say, "Oh my God," which usually comes out "Omigod."I don't even remember when I first noticed it, but I've always felt like a bit of prude for feeling this way.

Unlike most things for which I have felt like a prude for, though, I've stuck with this one. I'll say"Oh my gosh," and I'm sure there are purists who say even that is bad, but they're not my concern.

My concern is that now the second graders say it. In fact I'm sure I heard it last year from DuckyBoy's classmates, which means 6-year-olds are in the habit of it. They have no idea why, it's just something they hear all the time. It's "just" part of speech nowadays, like "wow" or "oh" or "huh."

It's not exactly taking the Lord's name in vain, because you're not cursing anyone out, or angrily saying "Jesus Christ!" like sometimes people will do. But it just makes God's name ... meaningless. To me that's even worse. The name of the Creator of all life is reduced to ... a throwaway phrase? An empty fill-in? Sad. (Some of these kids go to Christian churches, too.)

Now there's OMG. The phrase is so pervasive that it's got a text shorthand version. The kids just say "OMG" sometimes.

And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Because I know the origin is not people who didn't want to type out "oh my gosh."

I can say "G for gosh" to myself when I see or hear OMG, so it's a little better, but not much.

I have asked DuckyBoy not to say "Oh my God," and he's been really good about respecting me on that (even though I know he hears it all the time). But what do I do about OMG? It's kind of its own thing at this point, an exclamation with no background meaning. I'd rather he say that than "Oh my God."

But I'd really rather he not say OMG, either.

Husband just told me this morning that he read someone who believes CS Lewis is evil because he used the phrase "Gee whiz" in his books, which apparently was originally shorthand for "Jesus's whiskers."

Is OMG really that different?

I'll see how often DB comes out with OMG. If it becomes a habit, I'll ask him to stop. I'm sure he'll think I'm the worst mother in the world sooner or later anyway, so I might as well stand up for what I believe in. Right?

Arguments Still Surprise Me: Haiku Friday

Cloud of angry words
dissipates slowly with time
the storm is over...

the hist'ry to blame
still lurks on the horizon
love's winds can't blow it

far enough away
to keep squalls from popping up
out of sunny skies ...

I'm never prepared,
need a better predictor --
Accu-Argument?

I'm just not always good at knowing what I do that will make Husband upset. Or when his reaction to something DB does (or, in this case, doesn't do, as in listen to us) will escalate to full-blown yelling. (I guess that just makes me human. But Husband is a systematizer by nature, finding ways to do things better, learning from every mistake ... so he expects me to improve the process every time!!)

All the work DB's teachers do to teach him voice levels, to modulate himself when he's angry, and what does he live with: a "level 5" voice.

Would you like to haiku today? To participate in Haiku Friday, just follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. It or they can be part or all of your post, but your post must include a haiku. What's a haiku, you ask? Hint: 3 lines, and count syllables, 5-7-5. The best haiku evoke a feeling of place or emotion. (Unlike mine which are often factual.) More info: Click here. Or here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). Don't sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Please leave a comment after linking, thanks! (Eventually the Mr Linky links go away, I think, so they only way we'll find you in the future is via your comment.)

4. if you'd like, pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top of this post.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week.

I Do Care About The Earth

I decided to participate in one of my first blog "things," which is Blog Action Day on the subject of Global Warming.

It's amazing how organized the, uh, organizers are, suggesting angles and topics to write about, tips to give, links to more reading. SOme of the links I'm too scared by the thought of globals warming's effects to even click trhough to, but others -- like a Scientific American post from late 2007 on "10 Solutions for Climate Change" are more my speed.

I like the idea of the site Kids V. Global Warming also, though it'll be a tough sell right now to DuckyBoy that one of the things you can do is things like have less stuff and use less electronic media! The boy on the home page is like a teen, so maybe I should just give him a few years. But keep preaching now.

The idea behind 350.org is also intriguing, but the more I consider participating in this type of Blogger preaching, the more hypocritical I feel.

I drive almost everywhere.
I have an apartment much bigger than I need.
I leave my computer on overnight.
I fill the bathtub with hot water for DB's baths (though they're not as frequent as they once were...).
I throw food out uneaten (but only when it goes bad before I get to it or after I forget about it).
I eat at fast-food restaurants.
I buy prepackaged, processed foods.
I wash my hair with chemicals that go down the drain.
I forgot to turn my lights off for Earth hour.

Well, that's enough "true confession" for now (which by the way is something we strongly advise our clients not to do!).

I also recycle.
I return my cans and bottles (or try to toss 'em where someone else can).
I reuse lots of old stuff for fun with DuckyBoy.
My consumption of new clothes and shoes, and accessories for self and home, is way below the American average.
I buy used.
I resell or give away instead of tossing things out.
I turn out lights.
We keep our radiator knobs off so our apartment's not too hot and hopefully the people at the edgse of the building can get enough heat.
I wash my hair less often now that it's long.
I eat the carbohydrates in the fridge instead of throwing them out, because good food shouldn't be wasted.
I try to teach DuckyBoy why these things matter to me.

OK, I feel a little better now! I think it's time to turn off the computer, and get in bed.

Haiku Friday: Who Am I Again?

Women on the web,
words on a screen to connect
the flow of our thoughts.

A big issue is
the time when the kids are gone...
what to do with it?

Not quite empty nest,
it's more like empty hours.
Who will I become?

Brain filled with "to-do's,"
I've forgotten who I was
before motherhood.

Would you like to haiku today? To participate in Haiku Friday, just follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. It or they can be part or all of your post, but your post must include a haiku. What's a haiku, you ask? Hint: 5-7-5. More info: Click here. Or here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Please leave a comment after linking, thanks! (Eventually the Mr Linky links go away, I think, so they only way we'll find you in the future is via your comment.)

4. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top of this post.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will carry on the esteemed tradition of deleting any links without haiku.

The Great Tomato Soup Saga of 2009

Yesterday for lunch DuckyBoy acquiesced to eating tomato soup with Goldfish crackers and some cheesy munchie mix.

We began with the tomato soup mug about half-full, because I know he never eats too much of the soup itself.

He ate most of the crackers and a tiny bit of soup and then announced he was full.

I let him take a break, then told him he had to finish the soup.

Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensued!

I put it in the subway-map mug. It was full but it's much smaller, so it looked like less.

Relieved that it was less than he thought, he agreed to eat/drink more while I read to him.

The book finished, he'd had the rest of the crackers and about a third of what was in the subway cup.

"Fuulllllllllll!" he complained.

As much for me as for him, I proceeded to pour the remaining soup into a measuring cup. It was a measly quarter-cup of soup. I was not going to feel guilty about making my kid have a quarter-cup of soup That I Know He Likes.

I put my foot down: We were not going to go outside, or play (both of which he wanted to do) until that soup was gone.

Now, I never do this. Many other people do, I know, it's not a new concept to make your children clean their plates, but I tend to be more laissez faire -- when he's hungry he cleans his plate, when he's not he doesn't.

But this is ridiculous -- he agrees to soup and drinks a tablespoonful?!

So it was a real OK Corrall-style standoff. After a few moments of his fussing I finally said, "You can eat this soup or go to your room!"

Oh, that was NOT what he wanted to hear! He went in and out of his room a couple of times, then --surprise, surprise! -- managed to drink the rest of the soup.

I think the novelty of having it from the measuring cup helped.

But good grief! It takes a cabinetful of cups to feed a child ...

Haiku Friday: Spectrum Parents

Friday already?
Blame it on birthday party --
I forgot to post!!

A rare chance for friends
to relax, chat openly
about spectrum kids.

Love to do again,
maybe a monthly playdate
for Nesters and friends?

We all understand
that our kids do their own thing,
then circle back in.

Would you like to haiku today? To participate in Haiku Friday, just follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. It or they can be part or all of your post, but your post must include a haiku. What's a haiku, you ask? Hint: 5-7-5. More info: Click here. Or here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Please leave a comment after linking, thanks! (Eventually the Mr Linky links go away, I think, so they only way we'll find you in the future is via your comment.)

4. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top of this post.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will carry on the esteemed tradition of deleting any links without haiku!

The Beach Spectrum

We went to the beach Monday with some friends; check out the bizarrely funny video of DB "sand swimming."

It was great to go with other people -- 2 other adults plus 3 kids. Not only was I able to enjoy going in the ocean -- did it ever feel good on a 90+ day! -- while DB stayed at the blanket with someone, but also I was able to go in the water with a little kid and watch her enjoy the waves.

My friend's youngest daughter, who's I think 4, was a little unsure about the water's edge. I asked her if she'd take my hand and just put our toes in. She readily agreed, so in we went. After standing together for a minute I sat down, still holding her hand, and soon she made up a game of sitting down when each wave came in and then standing back up. She was giggling and laughing and thoroughly enjoying herself in a way DB rarely does. (He wouldn't go in the water at all Monday.)

It made me feel good about myself that I had a good idea, to hold hands at the edge, and was able to help her feel secure enough to enjoy the experience (she was soaked by the end!). Because sometimes, a lot of sometimes, I wonder what I'm doing wrong with DB.

It was good to reminded that it's more him than me.

You're the Mother of a Boy If...

* You color-coordinate his shirts to match what he's going to eat for lunch.
* You keep a stain stick in his room, right near the hamper.
* You can name every Transformer and Cars Movie character, and describe their personalities.

What else?

A Nice Remark

I got a nice treat this morning. DuckyBoy was in the kitchen and noticed two aging bananas hanging from their stand. He said something like, "Mom, you could make great banana bread from these. I love your banana bread."

Wasn't that nice? He's come so far so fast.

So, guess what I'm doing right now!

Zoloft Day 9, still upping my dose every 4 days. I feel a little dizzy today, day 1 of 37.5 mg. And I just needed the calculator to figure that amount out. But otherwise I feel really good, more positive about life than in a long time.

I'll Take Homework for $100

It's hard to separate when to blog about DuckyBoy on my autism website and when to talk about him here. So much of DuckyBoy's life is centered around school that I sometimes feel I'm shortchanging this blog by having Autism and Public Schools also.

This story is more about me, and about DB as a person, than truly about homework, so it belongs here.

DB has trouble with homework. It's pretty rote, it bores him, and he often has trouble focusing on it long enough to get through a word or problem, let alone the whole page. I can't (yet) figure out the pattern of what makes him more or less distracted, so we struggle along.

Tonight he wanted to go to the park next door, so I told him the standard line: After your homework.

He did his "words of the week" sentences, but then ... up and down, here and there, play, bounce, talk, imagine ... finally I went looking for my kitchen timer. DB suggested his Tribot, which we set for 10 minutes.

He sat at his desk, pencil in hand, and started to ask questions:

What if he [Tribot] goes off and I'm not done? (Answer: As long as you're almost done, meaning more than halfway through the last page, we'll go to the park when you're done.)

And then: What if we get done and go to the park before he goes off?

The thought of this was So.Laughable.To.Me: that in 8 or so minutes he'd complete both math pages, one of which we'd already struggled to begin and set aside to come back to: that I burst out, "If you're done before that timer goes off, I'll give you $100."

He sat straight up and turned into a Math Wiz. I spent the next 8 minutes wondering if I was going to be able to pay him over time or if he'd demand the entire wad upfront...

Fortunately, Tribot alarmed on the 2nd-to-last problem. Whew!

DB tried to negogiate for a $98 payment, since he was so close. Fortunately, earlier we'd watched an episode of Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman where Fetch had stuck to the rule about some matter of points. So I had an ally in sticking to my guns.

I don't know if it was the surprise factor or the sheer audacity of the number or both, but it sure got him going! I'll have to think of something else for next time ... or else be prepared to cough up some dough when I miscalculate how fast he can work!

Happy Surprise Morning!

DuckyBoy said the cutest thing at 6 am one day this weekend:

"Happy Surprise Morning!"

What he got back was a grumpy grumble from his father. So he ran off to watch TV, which is what he would have done regardless.

Granted, it was 6 am and a chirpy (fairly loud) awakening was a bit abrupt, but he was so adorably HAPPY that, after a couple minutes of mental dithering, I got up and hugged him and told him he made my day by saying what he said.

And you know what he said? "Thanks."

The kid who never seems grateful for anything -- said "thanks."

I think I did the right thing.

And he told me he was surprised that it was morning -- so he must have slept well.
First night as the owner of this cool bike could do it!

Oedipus Speaks

So. DuckyBoy has always been attached to his mama, but lately it has ramped up in a certain arena, namely, him wanting to touch my chest and kiss me, particularly on my neck.

I smack his hand (or at least try to) when he grabs my breast, so hopefully instead of just a game he gets the point that it's not appropriate (I use words, too). I figure, if he tries that with another woman he might get smacked, so he might as well know that is a real consequence.

As for kissing my neck, it skeeves me a bit. I tell him it's not appropriate; I'm always serious and don't make a game out of it; and yet he still tries to do it.

Tonight I told him flat out, "Don't do it any more."

"I think about it a lot," he complained.

I told him some day he'll have a girlfriend he can kiss on the neck.

"What if she doesn't like it?"

"Then she may not be the right girlfriend for you."

"So much for marrying you, then!" he said, with some bitterness.

Sorry, little buddy.

Um, most kids don't actually talk their way through this phase, do they?

For Haiku Friday:

Little boy growing,
finding his way in the world,
ventures out from Mom.

The Robin's Egg

Pale blue robin's egg,
fallen, whole, rare and precious --
Son stomped it to bits.

It's a metaphor
that what's important to me
gets smash'd without thought.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
He really didn't know, said he thought it was a piece of Easter candy (we did have malted balls called "robin's eggs"). But I was disappointed on two levels -- I didn't get to enjoy looking at it, and he didn't even hesitate an instant, just stomped it to bits.

It wasn't going to be a robin -- there was no way to put it back into the tree -- but I still mourn the loss of a beautiful item of God's handiwork.

Yet again rethinking the "lets raise a city kid" idea!