Project Oasis at the Halfway Point

Husband is off work this week, and DuckyBoy is at his grandparents ... at Grandma's request, I might add.

So when we were casting about thinking of what to do on our vacation, the usual things came up: places like Puerto Rico (which, given the current hurricanes blowing through that region, we're really glad we didn't opt for), London (which I love), and the like.

One day, Husband called from work and said he had the perfect plan for our vacation: "Project oasis." he said.

"I'm in!" I said, loving the sound of it. "What is it?"

Brilliant mind that he is, it's rearranging, organizing, sorting, and otherwise making our apartment into the oasis-to-come-home-to that a home should be. We never really did that when we moved here; at the time, we were both kind of crazy in our own ways. He was still trying to move up the ranks at Big Bad Corporate Bank and I felt all alone dealing with baby DuckyBoy, who was starting to veer from the behaviors the baby books told me to expect, yet didn't seem delayed in any significant way.

So, here we are. And we're having a blast.

Monday we sorted and rearranged the shop/pantry, then took a boatload of stuff to the Salvation Army, bought a new smooth-tilting tripod at B&H Photo, and treated ourselves to dinner at Metrazur. For $44 you get appetizer, entree, dessert And a bottle of wine. What a deal! And everything was really good, too. Plus you're overlooking the waiting room at Grand Central Station.

I had a Groupon-type coupon from Open Table for the restaurant, which is why we were going to that particular place. I bought the coupon deal (spend $25 for $50 off your meal) because the place is a no-brainer for us: Created by Aureole chef Charlie Palmer, the menu had things I knew we'd like, excellent value price fix, fun location, on and on.

Husband says the best moment of the day was when, after fielding several questions from him-on-the-couch about what for him was a mystery restaurant (including, "Has Adam Platt reviewed it?), I finally said, "I'll lookm, but this is the last question I'm answering about Metrazur. You can come with me, or I'll go with someone else some other time."

He bust out laughing, got up and went to his computer, and he looked it up himself ... and immediately knew why I was so sure of myself. He loved that I, as he put it, stood up for myself. And we had a great laugh!

Tuesday, we tackled our bedroom. We treated ourselves to egg sandwiches and juice via delivery from the diner, then moved the 3 large Ikea wardrobes from our room to the playroom/other room/ room-to-be-named-later. Which meant dis- and re-assembling them. And we did it without a single argument, which is huge. We did realize that no design decisions were really involved, which is when feelings get involved and our tempers rise. But, still. Anything involving both of us and tools has traditionally caused at least one tiff.

Then we went to Ikea and sized our cabinets for the pantry, double-checked the pieces we want for the bedroom, and ate at The Family restaurant, mainly because we haven't been there in, oh, forever, and it's one of the reasons we live in Forest Hills. Happily, it hasn't changed much in the year or so. (I was a little worried because recently a sign appeared in the window, "Cool off with a margarita, sangria, or daquiri," which is usually a sign of desperation when a restaurant starts touting drinks completely unrelated to their cuisine.)

Today, we tackle the many boxes in the bedroom and ... [insert gasp] ... do some more planning of the office/living room before we move the myriad heavy things around. We had eggs with our leftover veal Valdostana from Da Family, and we're ready to go!

Haiku Friday: The Joys of Togetherness

Please, family, please,
I just need 90 seconds
surely you'll survive

without me that long,
I know it will be hard, but ...
I just need to pee!

This is the last day of winter break...

It's been great, but the 3 of us together all day long? Tough on Mom!

Want to play along on Haiku Friday? You know what to do: Write haiku, any theme. Put the post url into Mister Linky here, then please leave a comment after linking.

And be sure to have a great weekend!

Arguments Still Surprise Me: Haiku Friday

Cloud of angry words
dissipates slowly with time
the storm is over...

the hist'ry to blame
still lurks on the horizon
love's winds can't blow it

far enough away
to keep squalls from popping up
out of sunny skies ...

I'm never prepared,
need a better predictor --
Accu-Argument?

I'm just not always good at knowing what I do that will make Husband upset. Or when his reaction to something DB does (or, in this case, doesn't do, as in listen to us) will escalate to full-blown yelling. (I guess that just makes me human. But Husband is a systematizer by nature, finding ways to do things better, learning from every mistake ... so he expects me to improve the process every time!!)

All the work DB's teachers do to teach him voice levels, to modulate himself when he's angry, and what does he live with: a "level 5" voice.

Would you like to haiku today? To participate in Haiku Friday, just follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. It or they can be part or all of your post, but your post must include a haiku. What's a haiku, you ask? Hint: 3 lines, and count syllables, 5-7-5. The best haiku evoke a feeling of place or emotion. (Unlike mine which are often factual.) More info: Click here. Or here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). Don't sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Please leave a comment after linking, thanks! (Eventually the Mr Linky links go away, I think, so they only way we'll find you in the future is via your comment.)

4. if you'd like, pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top of this post.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week.

Relationship Poem: Asking for What I Want

It Used To Be Enough...

The thought that he
found me sexy
used to be enough

His passion fueled my passion,
any touch was welcome

Now the touch is the same
but the skin is thin

the differences hang
in the air
over me

I regret never asking,
not ever really thinking about,
what would feel best to me

for now so much time has gone by

not a lie, really,
more a miscalculation
of what it means
to be with someone


* * * * * * * * * *
I wrote this awhile ago (like, within the past year)
and just found the slip of paper.
Don't feel like this so much right now,
but I didn't want to lose it.

It's true that I do have trouble asking for what I want
and sharing what I like and what makes me feel good
both in and out of bed.

I'm getting better at it.

Haiku Friday: Highs and Lows

Bright-eyed excitement
brought low by a look but
my feelings are mine.

I struggle to keep
my composure while I wait
for the storm to pass.

Hmm. Haiku or prose, I seem to write on the theme of "highs and lows" a lot.

Last week Sandra's haiku inspired me to try to be more evocative with my 'ku. I may always tend toward describing emotions --dare I say, "that's just me"? -- but I can take more care in evoking a feeling rather than describing, which is what I usually do.

If you're in the mood for mo' bettah 'ku than mine, Adventures in Mother Venture suggests taking a look at the blog Haiku by Two, wherein 2 friends reconnect by taking turns writing haiku every day. Sweet! Thanks, AMV! (I may tell them about our little meme and see if they want to play with us too.)

Have a great August weekend, and 'ku to you!

Would you like to haiku today? To participate in Haiku Friday, just follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. It or they can be part or all of your post, but your post must include a haiku. What's a haiku, you ask? Hint: 5-7-5. More info: Click here. Or here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON'T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Please leave a comment after linking, thanks! (Eventually the Mr Linky links go away, I think, so they only way we'll find you in the future is via your comment.)

4. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top of this post.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will carry on the esteemed tradition of deleting any links without haiku!

Anxiety Issues

Since Husband and I have been talking with someone about our issues for a few weeks, I can really notice my own anxiety level.

Not that it's significantly different due to the talking, just that I've become much more aware of it ... and how constant, pervasive, and intrusive it is.

I know one of the reasons my sister smokes is to calm her anxiety. I would certainly drink more to calm mine if it weren't for that whole not-able-to-function thing, both day-of and, now that I'm in my 40s, the whole day-after thing. I've made an appointment with my MD for a prescription for Zoloft-- legal and (we think) non-deadly -- but my appointment is mid-June (and, I have to move it because I picked a day with a conflict that just hadn't been put on the schedule yet).

How do I call back and explain that I'm counting down the days till I can see her and get a new prescription? It's been a couple of years so I understand I need a whole physical, but do I need to keep feeling like this in the meantime, now that I know I need it??

I only went off the medication when we were unemployed and since I was feeling so good (classic, right?), all I could think of was, $1 a pill!

Now we're self-employed. That's different. And we're both home together. I need backup.

Coming Apart

Looking at my blog reminded me of what I wanted to share about selling the Eames chairs.

The guy we sold them to proceeded to take them apart in our play room so he could take the pieces on the subway. (FYI, he had to make 2 trips and had people with him to help.)

Husband was somewhat distressed by the turn of events -- after all, these were authentic Herman Miller Eames lounge chairs that had been lovingly cared for and were in mint condition. To take them apart is something of a sacrilige. But, he made the highest offer, called first once Husband sent out his phone number, and once he gave us the money they were his to do with as he pleased.

But that night, or maybe it was a few nights later I can't remember, I woke up in a panic. What had he done to our chairs? How could he do that? What had we done?

Clearly I was overwhelmed with anxiety, because after an hour or so of insomnia I started to worry about the chirping birds! It was 5 am, so not dawn yet, but (I guess) because of all the streetlights there were a number of birds cheeping away. What are we doing to our world? The birds are screwed up! And the bees, the dying bees!

And then, trying to figure out what specifically I was so anxious about (it's so hard to pick...), I realized that the chairs were a metaphor for ME. Particularly as a wife and of the past 6 years since we had DB:

I had been carefully chosen and lovingly "maintained."
Then systematically dismantled in what felt like an instant.
With no information about how or when I'd be put back together.

Changing the Way I Communicate

So. We had our first meeting today with a person who is professionally trained to help people like us with our communication issues. Since we are trying to work and live together successfully, it seems like a good idea.

Especially since I've got issues. Chronic issues, is the phrase that came up today. Not sure how I feel about that phrase. Some relief that I probably can let go of thinking I can fix myself in an instant ("If I could just find THE answer!"), but also, hmm. That sounds like something that isn't going to go away as quickly as I'd like. And it may require more effort than I'd hoped.

Anyway, it was helpful just to talk to each other with a neutral third party listening.

So I'm feeling good, ya know? Like, Oh, hey, I really can and should say what's on my mind. And it's going to be okay. So far today it's even been helpful in a business sort of way.

Now, a few hours later, Husband is getting a bit tired of the Confident Wife. We're joking around with what he might say to our friend at the next meeting: "Hey, my wife is more broken than she was last week!"

Hey, can you believe I just now added "marriage" as a label on this blog? Guess that tells me something.