Daughter-in-Law Duty

Since Husband was at a Guru Mastermind weekend, DuckyBoy and I spent the weekend at Grandma's for a couple of reasons.

We'd been invited to a Saturday party at Exit 68 (if you know the Long Island Expressway you know how far out east that is) and Grandma lives at Exit 63, so I thought if we drove to her house Friday we could avoid the long drive both ways with just the 2 of us.

Also, BonePa (that's grandpa -- I think it's probably spelled Bon Pa but this is how his wife and 2 grandkids spell it) was in the hospital last weekend, so I thought they might like a little help around the house.

He's done all the shopping and errands for several years now, and already last week she was saying how exhausted she was from the running around she'd had to do during his 3-day hospital stay.

He shops not only for them but also for his 105-year-old (!!) mother (BonMama) and her live-in aide. Grandma was funny talking about doing it -- "the drugstore, the grocery store, the wine store... 3 bottles of wine! And [the aide] doesn't drink! No wonder [BonMama] doesn't make any sense when she calls! Three bottles of wine! I think drinkers live longer..."

She was also hysterically funny talking about the grocery store: "I was such a fish out of water! I didn't know where anything was, and there were all these new things. I go into the cleaning aisle and there's this mop called a Swiffer, and it looks so neat, and a new thing you stick in the dryer [new from Bounce, they were at BlogHer!]... I came home with $100 worth of stuff and [BonePa] said, 'what the h*ll is all this stuff!?' and I said, 'I need all this!'"

So. Anyway. We go out Friday, and it was hot. Oh, and their a/c is broken this year, so they're hot and languid because of that too. We talk about what we can have for dinner that involves no cooking, and since they liked my chicken salad last weekend (Sunday lunch, his first day post-hospital) I suggest it again.

They were happy to let me make it, which is so unusual! Usually my FIL is bustling around the kitchen fussing with side dishes and condiments, setting the table, grilling, and so on. So I knew it was good to be there when they let me. I think I set the table, too!

They'd bought steaks for Saturday night, which were delicious.

I cut up the rest of an Edible Arrangements basket they had, and made a fruit salad for dessert (thanks for the lemon yogurt idea, Nanc!).

Sunday after church I made Mom and DuckyBoy go to the Sunday School beach picnic, just 'cause I like the beach. Afterwards Mom was wiped out and when she mentioned to her husband that she was thinking suasage on teh grill for dinner, I asked "Sweet or hot" and said I thought I'd go pick up a few things at the store so I'd get it.

She sat back with a "whew," and said, "That would be nice."

So that made me feel good.

I was hesitant to empty the garbage bag -- was afraid that'd be crossing the line and I'd get a "That's ridiculous!" comment.

Nobody said a word.

So I did it again before we left Sunday night.

I felt like I'd done the right thing. Oh, and we enjoyed the party too!

Blue Bear Goes to BlogHer

Having a little trouble readjusting to life after BlogHer -- and from the sounds of the tweets I'm getting, so are most of the people I met!

I've got photos to put on Flickr, a fabulous bullet-point-filled post planned with all the highlights and lowlights of the conference, plus Blue Bear wants my help posting his own set of photos. But DuckyBoy's 4-hour camp day doesn't get me very far when I've spent most mornings so far going back to bed to recover from the sleep deprivation! So until I can stay awake at the keyboard for a few hours, here's a peek at Blue Bear's first day at BlogHer. It shows him all set at a panel called "Owning My Expertise" that was led by Catherine from The OpEd Project.

Hot Dog Winners

We won a hot dog cooking contest this weekend! Scott's combination of recipes was dynamite.


The toppings on the Displaced Wall Street Executive Dog are:
* High-on-the-Hog Bacon (2 slices)
* Prime Rib Chili
* Ski-Weekend-in-Vermont Cheddar
* Mexican-Riviera Cream Sauce
* In-the-Red Onion Relish

These are the 2 we made for my friend Maritza; for the record, she not only raved about them but also knew we would win even before tasting them.

I'll get the recipes, which are on the web, plus our modifications, up on our food blog asap, I promise. UPDATE: Recipes (thanks, Blue Bear!) But right now, while DuckyBoy is still at camp this morning, I have to go buy some new clothes for BlogHer this weekend!

BTW, DB did great with a sitter all day Saturday while we were at the contest. He had a better Saturday than he would have had with us, probably, since he got to get a Transformers sticker book at the bookstore (and I understand he was helping a littler kid read an Amelia Bedelia book!), plus pizza, plus the playground, plus a ride on the little duck ride-on outside the stationery store.

It was fun to be able to concentrate on the contest with Husband. I'm not sure when I've worked that hard! 5 toppings on 100 dogs in 45 minutes. Whew!

Happy Surprise Morning!

DuckyBoy said the cutest thing at 6 am one day this weekend:

"Happy Surprise Morning!"

What he got back was a grumpy grumble from his father. So he ran off to watch TV, which is what he would have done regardless.

Granted, it was 6 am and a chirpy (fairly loud) awakening was a bit abrupt, but he was so adorably HAPPY that, after a couple minutes of mental dithering, I got up and hugged him and told him he made my day by saying what he said.

And you know what he said? "Thanks."

The kid who never seems grateful for anything -- said "thanks."

I think I did the right thing.

And he told me he was surprised that it was morning -- so he must have slept well.
First night as the owner of this cool bike could do it!

Another Week Ends Without Haiku

Another week without haiku, sorry, Christina...

It's possible that PMS played a role in my lowness of feelings earlier this week
But I don't think that accounts for it all.

Pretty sure of it in fact.

Didn't get a call back yet from the agency I called Thursday at noon.

Good thing I wasn't at my wit's end. That's all's I'm sayin'.

Another Blessing of No Car

We had a wonderful Saturday yesterday, we walked all over. The weather was beautiful and so we went for bagels, to a far-away playground, and even ran an errand at our accountant's office. What a nice way for the three 3 of us to spend the afternoon.

The sermon today was about resting on the Sabbath -- looking back, it felt like yesterday was that kind of day for us.

Today did not feel like that kind of day. We schlepped on the subway to the Brooklyn church because we had an obligation; my favorite part was seeing 2 young men enjoy DuckyBoy's sheer joy and boundless energy on the subway. It clearly brightened their day to watch a little boy having so much fun. One even asked him, "Could I have half your energy?" It was really cute.

Now I have to face up to some trust issues in my relationship that I've put off for a long time. Although, does it count as putting it off if you didn't know what it was until yesterday?

Bring a Book to Bed Day

Herewith, our participation in Bring a Book to Bed Day! At bedtime we are currently reading Laura Ingalls Wilder books.

We're on our way through Little House in the Big Woods for the second time, and here DB is posing with Farmer Boy, and we've also started -- but have returned to the library for now -- By the Shores of Silver Lake.

For the record, DB is only pretending to read this book. He's a good reader, but these are still text heavy for him.

Church and Autism, Part 3

The church we have been attending (more on that wording later) has just released a newly revised set of guidelines for playing in the gym after church. They have published guidelines several times, and each time they get more restrictive in the name of safety.

Among them are:

• No more scooters.
• The trikes are for "kindergarten and younger."
• The gym will close at 1 pm.
• While no paid or volunteer personnel will be on hand to supervise, there will be a volunteer at the door to remind everyone of the rules.

1. If the trikes can be out, why not the scooters? Just asking.

2. While the trike age is a bit arbitrary - why K and not 1st grade? or why not use a weight or age guideline? - I do understand it on 2 levels. One, several of the the much-bigger boys (age 11 or so) like to commandeer the trikes and are a nuisance for the littlest kids in the room. Two, choosing K was probaly an easy call in that the weekday school those trikes are there for goes up to kindergarten.

Unfortunately, though, one of the main things DB likes about the gym is riding the trikes and scooters.

And, as Husband pointed out, using the age of the school as the rule inverts the way the relationship between the school and the church is supposed to be: The school is supposed to support the church, not vice-versa.

3. Closing at 1 is probably because the paid church staff is supposed to be able to lock up and go home at 1. (That's my theory anyway.) Last week was a lovely February day so people lingered until after 2 in the outdoor playground. So deputize one of the parents to lock up!

4. If someone can be there to police the rules at the door, um... why can't there be someone there? The wording was odd on that anyway--"staff and church school volunteers will no longer be available..." As far as I know there never was anyone scheduled to be there. When DB would go to the gym before we had finished speaking with people at coffee hour, I knew he was there "at his own risk," as it were.

Frankly, the main reason I'm not going to service this week is because I don't want to break the rules, again, on the first day they are announced. If safety is really the primary concern, just don't even open the gym.

I don't want DB to be the exception, the one first-grader on the trikes. And I don't want to have to pick between 2 separate after-church events:

1. Coffee hour for those without children and those whose children want to sit at the child tables and have a child-approved snack. (Children are not allowed to take the food from the "adult" coffee hour tables; DB almost had his wrist slapped by the paid church staffer who sets up coffee hour, and she is is entirely unapologetic about shooing the kids from that food. They are given goldfish and animal crackers and that is good enough for them.)
2. And an after-church open play in the gym for parents of Those Other Children who need to run around. No food, no coffee.
   

I don't say "our church" since our distance from the physical plant makes me feel like an outsider. Husband said the only way to change this situation would probably be to get all the parents together and figure out some other way to handle the concerns -- rotate volunteers in the gym, offer to lock up ourselves, or whatever.

But we're too far away to spearhead the kind of meetings that requires. We're also not part of the local-school crowd. It's going to be harder for us to make friends with the other parents because we have less in common. (Now that I think of it, you'd think that raising our kids as Christians would be a common factor, right? Not a lot of openness there about issues like that.)

Frankly, we only came back to this church because we wanted to be somewhere, and haven't found one closer to home yet. But this isn't the way to be family friendly. (And, I'm sure it's parents, church members, who keep revising these rules!)

I know churches aren't perfect. We just need one where the 3 of us can all live with the imperfections.

A Nice Family Day - Something I Don't Take for Granted

I have prayed that we would be able to enjoy time together as a family, and we had that happen today.

The morning was lazy as usual, though I did get DB to read to me AND practice his typing program.

Then we went out for lunch -- unusual for us to leave the house so early as noon -- and Husband and I picked the place. Though we did select a place DB would enjoy, it was not his choice.

After that, we went to Home Depot, Stop & Shop, and a liquor store. No arguments, no whining, not even a lot of annoying behaviors. From anyone...

Then again, we did cut them short at the beginning of the trip: About 1 block from our house DB asked me to tell a story -- one of his favorite things to request when he's bored -- and not only did I decline but, when he tried to determine when exactly I MIGHT tell that story he had requested, Husband intervened and said, "Not on this trip, and if you ask again, [appropriate consequence I can't remember]."

A few seconds later DB asked one or both of us "Do you love me?" and, since he asks us that ad nauseum these days, Husband again intervened immediately and said, "Know that we love you, and if you ask again, [another appropriate consequence I can't remember]."

After that, DB didn't ask for a story until we got home, and caught himself every time he asked "Do you love me," which was less than usual. At one time I offered my opinion that he may do that when he's bored, and why not since it's a way to get a positive response -- and I think what I said helped validate him as opposed to merely shut him down.

We also (finally) held our funeral for Skinny, the fish, today. DB said a few words and even a prayer after we buried him, and then we went to the playground which was a good distraction.

His prayer was something like this:

"God, Thank you for Skinny and what a good fish he was and how long he lived. And please let our next fish live even longer.
Skinny, you were a good fish and I miss you. Amen."

A New Bathrobe

I saw a bathrobe for DuckyBoy at Sears a couple of weeks ago, and have had enough extra cash for it and been wanting to go get it for a week now. It's the right time of year, nice and cold, and his old one is so small it's useless.

Finally yesterday, I took him to Sears and got it. I was glad he was with me -- the 6/7 is perfect for him to grow into while the 4/5 is almost too small ... but just by looking at it I really couldn't tell! I couldn't imagine my little guy was big enough to wear that 6/7!

So this one is almost floor-length, Husband says he looks like a boxer. He'll be able to wear it for a nice long while.

It's a cozy fuzzy robe with a polar bear on the back. I can tell he likes it, as he snuggled into it after his bath.

I like that he can appreciate getting something like that -- there are times we wonder whether he simply sees every situation as an opportunity to acquire, and if he takes everything he has for granted.

So for him to enjoy what could be a little thing like a new robe makes me feel good.

Church and Autism, Part 2

Anon's comment on my previous Church and Autism post was harsher than necessary (congrats! you're my very first flame!) but did open my eyes a bit. I posted because I was already feeling judged and misunderstood, so your tone did not help with that, but you did raise an issue worth addressing in my heart.

I don't see where in my previous post I say that the rules don't apply to me because my child has autism. In fact, I have always been a frightened rules-follower. But Husband takes a more cavalier approach to life's man-made, small guidelines, which has in fact helped me lead a more enjoyable life in some cases ... and in others, such as this one, puts me in a bit of a bind.

I also think the supervision issue is primarily an insurance/CYA matter; this way the church cannot be held liable for any injuries.

I also probably wrote the situation to sound more black-and-white than it really is. The older kids are only partially supervised in the gym; their parents tend to wander in and then back out (if they come in at all until it's time to leave). DB is on the cusp of needing constant supervision, and since he is a responsible, articulate child, and also not a bully who is ever aggressive toward the other children, we trust him. The two rooms are not so far apart that it's a major problem to get between them. But they are far enough that other than parents, adult flow between them is limited. If we want or need to speak with people who do not have a child in the gym, it can't happen.

The other part of our reason for letting him be there without us is that most other times, I am constantly with DB. And sometimes I would like to be with my husband -- such as when mingling with the people we know at church. The church is too far from our home to participate in many events other than worship, so our primary chance to connect with the community is from 12 to 1 on Sundays, during the coffee hour. (I could go on at length about that whole issue of finding a church closer to home, but won't right now.)

The reason I posted is because I do think something needs to be done. I don't want people to have to bend over backwards to accommodate him. And now there is a pattern of issues -- one thing here and there, I'd be ok. But as I outlined in my post, there now seems to be several areas where his behavior is problematic. This upsets me and I don't have an answer, nor did I find one when I looked around on the web.

In fact, as I've given it more thought, I realize some of these issues are being addressed during the school day as well, so would benefit from follow-up in this structed setting as well.

My one idea: I thought I'd see if any teens/tweens at the church have to do community service for their school, and could log those hours as a "buddy" for DB during the church service and gym time. I can make a list of specific things for them to help him with, including...

• Don't blurt out the answer during the children's sermon
  
• Take a walk during Sunday School if he needs a break so he's not disrupting the other kids
• Help him understand the nuances of playing superhereo with older kids (If you say, "Let's play superheroes," the villains are going to chase you!)

Anon or anyone else, if you have other suggestions for how I might solve this matter, I welcome the ideas. I would appreciate it, though, if they are presented in the spirit of problem-solving rather than judgementalism.

Autism and Church

I wonder if my other blog should shift from Autism and Public Schools, which many people advocate and talk about and research so much better than me, to Autism and Church.

I stumbled across this idea this evening... of a focus on Autism at a church service on February 8th. I wonder if my church might be open to it.

As part of it, I would be willing to --actually, relieved to -- speak and say that DB has autism and how that manifests itself in the way he acts and thinks at church. (Wonder if Husband would be open to that...)

There is another child at church with autism and other more severe disabilities as well, which might be eye-opening for our congregation to see the spectrum.

This was our experience today:

Toward the beginning of the service, DB said "Amen" after the Lord's Prayer, and I thought how funny it is that someone who overheard him might think he was saying "Amen" to the prayer. In fact, I know he was correcting the pronunciation -- most everyone near us said "ah-men" and he prefers "ay-men".

Then during the children's sermon, as usual he was unable to keep from blurting out the answers when the minister asks them all a question. (Someone has actually commented to Husband about this. Someone with a well-behaved, hand-raising child of course.)

At least he only eyed up the communion elements as he walked past and did not try to take any. Whew!

In his Sunday School class, DuckyBoy does well sometimes and other times not, and the teacher rotates so no one quite knows how to deal with him. They are wonderful moms with good hearts but the best they can do is tolerate him for the 30 minutes. I know he's disruptive, today I get the impression he was intractible. (He's been "off" the past few days anyway, and , I forgot his snack.) He also told me tonight a boy in class told him he was a baby, or playing with a baby toy, he described what he was playing with but I don't know what it was. On the upside, he reconnected with his old friend K., and they drew pictures for each other (the project was to draw for a secret pal in the class and give them the artwork, and apparently they picked each other.)

He flat-out tells the beautifully-voiced soprano who volunteers her time to sing with them that he doesn't like her, her voice, etc. *Sigh.*

DB also got us in an embarrassing situation today after church. Kids are allowed to play in the gym during coffee hour, but, well I'll admit it, they are supposed to be supervised by their parents. He has always been good about coming to get us when he needs us, but today he got a little hurt or something ( I still don't know if it was physical or his feelings that got hurt) and while one mom tried to comfort him, another came to get us.

And, well, she had a few patronizing words for us, too, about how we "might want to keep an eye on him" ... "because he likes to play with the bigger kids and yadda yadda" and "I try to keep an eye on him because my son is there too" and "I think he's hungry" and I think Husband wanted to strangle her. (Edited to add: Later on, Husband was grateful she'd come to get us.)

Anyway, today's experience made me look around a bit on the web. Preliminary search turns up a few drips and drabs -- like a good article from 2002 about a mom and her young child, a Dad's heartfelt post that rang true for me, and a decent-sounding book, Autism and Your Church, though it may be more for my children's ministry coordinator than me.

Since I said an hour ago I was going to go to bed and since tomorrow is The Grind Begins Again Day with the 6 AM alarm, I will cease research for the night. But it's not like I came up with anything that covers the topic extensively. I think there might be a place for me.

For $6k a Month I'd Expect a Better Lifestyle

I'm noticing a cyclical mood swing: Every month when it's time to pay the bills, I get freaked out about spending down our savings on unknown business ventures with an unknown payoff date and amount! Guess I'm just perceptive like that. Hmm, $0 in, $6000 out, Aggghhhhhhhhh!!

On an up note, my wonderfully supportive life coach reassures me today that I am a much different woman than he started working with 2 years ago. I don't feel different enough, meaning I wish I was a different woman who has a flexible job that earns $100,000 a year. I find savings in bits and pieces -- like cutting out $300 a month for a life coach. I will take you up on your offer to email you, Bill ... or maybe I'll just pretend I'm talking to you in my blog, who knows.

Doesn't $6,000 seem like a lot? For it we get to live in an apartment building that's been poorly managed for decades (recent changes notwithstanding), in an apartment that though having been entirely gutted and remodeled just before we moved in 5 years ago, is not up to code in terms of electrical and has peeling paint in the bathrooms.

We also drive a 7-year-old (paid-off) car that we all love but is starting to need more care than we want to pay for.

In order to really save on those monthly expenses it's big things that need to be cut -- like our car, which is kind of a necessity given where DB's school is vis a vis our home, and our weekly expenses - uh, food and the like. I could (and do) drive less to save on gas.

I'd eyeball the digital cable bill, since we're paying for the service on 3 TVs, but DB and Husband would probably cut out eating before they gave up cable. I can try turning off my computer every night to see if the electric bill goes down. We could switch to a cheaper phone service or cut back to the most basic level, since we have 2 cells as well. (The idea of not having a landline at all kind of freaks me out. We needed it during the NYC blackout of '03.)

We do need to look at our life insurance, which is currently more than $100 a month apiece for the 2 of us.

Our weekly cash is $500, which covers groceries (and liquor), the cleaning lady (yes, I could give her up, but she's like a member of the family), the laundry machines, our parking space (if you've ever tried to park in Forest Hills you know that as long as we have the car, we need this space), anything we do on weekends, any night-out activities, babysitters, and pocket change (with which I buy stamps, socks, fast-food kid meals, give to charities, and the occasional toy; not sure what Husband buys). I'm also buying Christmas presents with my weekly cash. We've just decided to cut the monthly cash amount back by $40 a month so DB can keep taking swim lessons next semester.

I feel like we're stretching that weekly dough about as far as can be.

Beyond that, it's where we live. Between the mortgage and the maintenance and the current maintenance assessment, plus the parking space, the cleaning lady, the laundry machines, it's over $3000. Moving would probably cost $6000. So how much lower can we get those expenses to recoup that? Can we buy ourselves two months? Is that worth it?

I feel like I'm a frugal person who's good at finding a few dollars here and there to save. Not that you'd know it from this blog, which was started when I was in high-income mode. At a certain point I realized I was spending more time on combing the coupon circulars than it was worth, given our income, so I stopped. I'm back in sale-shopping mode but don't do the store-hopping I did the last time we were unemployed. Part of the reason I did it then was to have somewhere to go with the toddler DB. When I was lucky, he napped as I bargain-shopped.

Now, I'm overwhelmed by the $6k number, and though I'm saving $1 here and there when I can, I feel like finding ways even to save $20 here and $50 there won't add up to anything helpful in the long run.

I guess we need a better handle on how long we think these businesses will take off enough to cover our monthlies.

But every month I get more and more worried that it won't be soon enough.

Last but not least, got to give props to Bossy and her Poverty Party for making me think critically about the issue instead of freaking inside, which is what I usually do.

Thanksgiving Aftermath

We had one of the best Thanksgivings ever with my in-laws. In addition to their mostly-generous hosting, I must give thanks to my niece for playing with DuckyBoy for hours (and making him giggle, which we almost never hear), to one SIL for making our accidental Black-Friday shopping trip fun and painless, and to my other SIL for driving my phone back to the city!

One of the things that made it low-stress for Husband and I was that Husband declared (in a playful way) on Thursday morning, that DuckyBoy should not have to eat anything he did not want to.

So, the most Thanksgivingy-thing he ate was pumpkin muffins. And he was Happy.As.A.Clam.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I feel so bad for the man who got killed at a Long Island Wal-Mart.

All he did was open the doors!

Husband long ago forbade me to ever go to Green Acres Mall, the location of that Wal-Mart. It's known far and wide for violence and low-class clientele. But who would expect that?? It's just so sad.

I was AT a Wal-Mart on Friday. (Not that one and not at 5 a.m.) I am NEVER at Wal-Mart. So that was weird. As was the fact that SIL and I commented that the store was not as crowded as I expected. And then to hear about a trampling? As they say at DB's school, "That was very unexpected."

Busy Saturday

I just wore myself out telling my friend on the phone what DB and I did today, but honestly, it was a lot of fun. (Times are approximate. I only added them to break up the text.)

8 - 9:30 AM
First I got to sleep in until like 7:30 because so did DB, woohoo! And he let me stay in bed for another show, by which I mean, another half an hour. Then I unpacked all the bags from yesterday that I dumped in the front hallway. I checked my email and cleaned up the kitchen and we both had breakfast. He watched TV happily; I think it's good that he watches less during the week, he gives me a break on weekend mornings and I don't feel too badly about it.

9:30 AM - 1 PM
We played and played, then DB was itching to go to the playground with his bike (trike, actually), so he was ready to get dressed. (A big deal. Most days he'd stay in his pajamas all day if I let him.) I had something more to eat and then off we went.

1 PM - 3:30 PM
When we came back from the playground we hung at home for a little bit, then headed off to try taking the bus to Metropolitan Avenue. Partly to see if we could do it, partly to kill time, partly because the car is so loud and clanky I feel like I should avoid driving it if at all possible.

By the time we were on the bus DB was hungry, so I reminded him that the craft store (our destination) was right near Wendy's. A transfer and half an hour or so later, the bus let us off right in front of Wendy's. Perfect!

As we were eating I realized it was 2:30 and the craft event only went until 3:00. When I mentioned it, he was ready to go -- even suggested packing the fries and drink. Surprising for a person who has. dawdled. all. day.

Less than 5 minutes later we were across the street picking out a foam craft pumpkin -- usually terribly overpriced but a bargain today at $5. The idea of the event is that you get all the decorating bits (big google eyes, pipe cleaner hair, etc.) for that price too, and the woman was really nice about making sure he had time to pick stuff out. But he was so happy with his pumpkin pick -- a white one -- he didn't want anything, liking instead my suggestion to carve a face on it at home. "I got the only white one," was his comment. Interesting.

Quick stop in Trader Joe's next door, got some chips and a root beer for later/tomorrow.

3:30 pm - 5 pm
On the way back to the bus stop, I could see his legs were tired, so we hit the library for a bit. He thoroughly enjoyed the silly words in The Lorax and a special 25th-anniversary edition of Arthur's Nose. Then in 7-11 (Family Rule: do not pass by 7-11 without stopping), my suspicion that he had to pee was proved right; the counter woman took pity on us and let us into the employee bathroom. (DB was impressed that she let us use it despite the big "Employees Only" sign on the door. She said it was only because he was so handsome, and I'm not sure she was kidding.)

Of course, we got some chips at 7-11, though he tried dearly to convince me that a toy would be better. The child with more toys that he knows what to do with needs one more. I didn't bite. He took it well. "These are better than the baked," he pronounced about the regular Lay's chips. Often he picks "Baked! Lays" because, I think, he likes the exclamation point in the middle of the name.

5 - 6:30 pm
On the bus he showed me how to do "The DB Dance" -- didn't even phase him that the bus arrived when we said we'd do it at the bus stop, he just showed me on the bus!

He was up for walking home from the bus stop, the option being to transfer to another bus. We watched some pigeons on the sidewalk snag a piece of bread, he was laughing and enjoying it so much! We tried tossing them one potato chip but decided that perhaps they don't like Lay's.

Went into the kids store ("They always have stuff for kids..." he remarked as he veered in, "...of all ages.")

As we went past our local healthy-food store, I thought I'd try one more thing, and told him if he was up for going in, we could get him some "panda pudding," really the only dairy-free kind I've found (and my attempts to make it are feeble).

To my surprise, he agreed heartily! Didn't even balk at the long line! Carried the bag part of the way home!

Waffled back and forth a bit about whether he wanted to go right to the park again or home to eat pudding first. Decided on home, pudding, then park. Which is what we did -- with bike going to the park with us again.

6:30 pm - 8:30 pm
When it got dark, I finally convinced him to come home... for a bath, a buttered roll and two batches of chicken nuggets (accompanied by Little House in the Big Woods), and 3 more books -- half an hour past bedtime, but my own fault because I was just having such a good time reading to him and on weekends I don't HAVE to be such a slave to the clock -- before I finally said, No mas! I have to call my friend who's coming over!

Alas, my friend is in bed under the weather. But I told her our story and now have told you!

I was a little mad at myself for caving to DB's desire to NOT take the change to the bank on the way, but it worked out alright, since we just had time to eat and get the craft pumpkin.

And I am proud of setting limits today on telling stories. It really could have gone another way.

On My Own

Well, sort of. Husband is at a conference until Sunday night. DB is still with me of course. But tomorrow night I've got the sitter coming anyhow so I can have dinner with a girl friend! And Saturday a neighbor friend is coming over after bedtime to watch a movie.

The bed to myself,
Doing whatever I want,
I need this so much!

Haiku for a Weekend Off

Don't know what to 'ku
Date weekend for me and hub
Nice to have a break.

Love me my DB,
But need some time off sometimes
to sleep in and veg.

I had a great time volunteering for the 2nd week at DB's school today, now I'm "Mrs. H" (for DB's last name) and I get to help pre-k, K and one 1st grade class (which has lots of kids I know from DB's class last year) with their craft, and I love it.

Who knew?

Oh, and rereading this I feel I should clarify, DB is at this grandparents' this weekend getting him some serious spoiling.

Pickles and Honey and Bumps on the Head

Db hit his head on a tow truck Friday afternoon.

How is THAT possible, you ask? OK, picture this:

It's raining hard. He's wearing his oversize Mets jacket with the hood up. He's still got his patch on. (That reminds me, I forgot his patch this morning. Don't care.) He's not really looking where he's going.

The tow truck was parked at the corner. The iron cross bar sticks out at a 45-degree angle at a height of, I now know, about 42 inches.

I had crossed the street ahead of him (it's a quiet street) and was encouraging him to come along and stop looking at whatever he was looking at. His body moved before his head turned and

****W-H-A-M!*****

The first thing he said after he stopped crying was, "Will it be better when I'm a grownup?" Later he said something about "the truck that broke my forehead."

Poor guy.

Needless to say, he wasn't too interested in doing gymnastics after that.

We went inside anyway, mainly because it was pouring rain, and he watched part of the class and played with his friend P (whose sisters take that class) for a bit, then we left.

He didn't black out, he never took that long-nap they warn you about following head injury, yet... I still worry.

I grew up with the mindset of, "If it's not life-threating, there's no reason to go to the doctor." So I'm not the type to drag him to the pediatrician when there's probably nothing they can do.

But I wonder -- because, oddly enough, he was Really Good all weekend. Doesn't that qualify as an uncharacteristic behavior change?

Now, he may have been really good due it it being Birthday Party day (Saturday) and Sunday he had lots of new stimulation from all his new presents. Very possible.

But we also took him to Pickle Day on the Lower East Side, and he tolerated being there and even tried some honey and wanted to buy some.

Last night he said, as he laid in bed, that he was dizzy. How can you be dizzy lying in bed? So I figured it was that dropping-off-to-sleep dizziness. Then he was hot. But fever doesn't show up as a symptom of head injury. (And my Google search about pediatric head injury symptoms didn't give me anything, really, to worry about.)

Then this morning, everything worked right. He woke up and I was right there but didn't startle him. He roused himself, told me he was waking up enough to get up, got his classes, and said "I'm ready," then sat up and headed to the playroom. His bus was late so we had time to do everything: Tell a story (the usual); eat his marshmallow bar; and have a race. We said after we did all that if the bus hadn't arrived, I'd drive him, but just as we finished, the bus pulled up ... and he was OK with it. Amazing.

How sad is it that my delight is tempered with, "Is he OK?"

Wow, Great Party!

We just had DB's 3rd-of-3 birthday parties for the year. Do ya think he's turned 6 enough?

I actually think this was a good year to celebrate a lot. So far he's doing really well adjusting to school. First week was a bit rough, but now that week 2 is behind him, he seems to be getting into the swing of things.

We've got a printed list of what we need to accomplish in the mornings (which helps me as much as, if not more than, it does him), he has a nice long swim lesson with another student, a girl who's a better swimmer than he is -- good for the stretch! We're getting the breakfast-snack-lunch components tweaked so he's not complaining of being hungry in the mornings (why are wholesome foods so expensive? I spend $100 at the grocery store, then pick up a few things at the health food store and it's another $50!) And he's already had one social story come home about being flexible re: who walks him from the bus to class in the mornings.

Oh, and no early session on Fridays, so he gets to watch tv and take a little more time getting ready one day a week. (I wanted that last year, but they slotted in an OT session he wasn't supposed to miss.)

And while a bump on the head yesterday stopped him from getting back into the swing of things at gymnastics, at least he was there for a few minutes (while he recovered; he bumped his head across the street from the gym) in prep for being there Today! For! His! Party!

I was a bit of a crazy person this morning; I baked his cake(s) last night but had to cut and frost them into a bear today, and we had an appointment at the accountant (is there a prize for being the last people to file your '07 taxes?) at 9:30 and I had this idea we had to leave at 1 for the party.

Fortunately, around 11 am I realized our party did not start until 4:00, so I had a chance to relax. (Once I called the restaurant we were ordering chicken satay from and corrected the pickup time from 1:00 to 3:00!)

And at least the cake was all done!


{Edited to add: I'm so proud of my cake
I uploaded it to the Website
that gave me the idea, Coolest Birthday Cakes.}

So, Party. DB did great; when he needed a break from the noise and activity, he took one; he sat on a rocking toy by himself, or came out into the vestibule for a drink, and about 5 minutes before the end of the gym portion, which is long -- an hour! -- he simply staked his claim at the table in front of a slice of pizza and waited for everyone else to join him.

It's nice to go somewhere that the staff knows your child, and lets him do what he needs to do. As they do in class, they encourage him to rejoin the group, but don't see the need to force it during a party.

Sure, there were a couple of glitches. We did Bears2Go along with the gym, and the first thing they do is color the shopping bag they'll put their bear in. He was anxious, probably just because I wasn't in the room with him, and needed to be sure I'd help him stuff his bear. Once reassured, he wrote his name and a couple of cute happy drawings on his bag.

Since we've attended other parties there, he's been waiting for his turn to be "in the parachute" --the b'day kid gets tossed around. So when the parachute came out, DB wanted to hop into the center right away, but they had a few warm-ups to do first. He had a hard time listening to that answer, and waiting, but after a few stern words from me (I basically said, "You can calm down and wait, or we can go home ... ") he dealt with it.

And then he was great. Even rolled in the big circle (hard to describe...)
ate pizza-with-the-cheese-removed (his choice to have regular pizza be the food -- it's what everybody serves, so I think he just wanted the whole package), tolerated the always-off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, blew out his candle -- didn't even wig out when the candle blew out as the cake was placed in front of him, just waited --waited!! -- while it was relit, blew it out, ate a bit of cake, WOW.

As I write it all down, I'm blown away. And I even got a super-nice compliment from Husband that I did a great job with the party.

This was a big expense that we agreed to and then promptly lost our steady source of income. I'm glad we did it. I like having parties at home, will happily continue them in the future, but this was really special.

And the look on those little girls' faces when they got to pick a Unicorn!! With Heart-shaped Feet! to stuff? Absolutely Priceless.

Mets Game Rained Out

Poor me, I am watching the rain lash the window at the exact time when the Mets game I bought tickets for is supposed to be starting. I have never, ever bought tickets before, so the one day I do, and actually DID it, decided I would get my native-New-Yorker son to a game at Shea before it gets torn down forever, we get a Tropical Storm??!! Geez.

Anyway the game has been rescheduled for an earlier-afternoon start tomorrow, which is probably better all around. But had I known that before 2 pm, I wouldn't have let him watch TV the ENTIRE morning. I'd have dragged his butt outside for some fresh air before the rain and wind started. As it is, we had enough time for a quick trip to the park anyway. Nice to live right next door like that.

I also would not have spent as much time interacting with him all morning, since I am now Sick Of It and want time to myself, whilst he of course wants more, more, more Mommy. More Mommy Is Always Better.

Husband is, of course, watching television. That's his idea of child care, letting DB watch TV (actually technically DB is on the laptop) while he watches TV. And does anyone wonder why I interact with DB so much? If it weren't for me the kid would get no interaction at all! And so our family afternoon consists of the 3 of us in 3 different rooms in front of 3 different screens.

I told Husband to call me on his cell phone if he wants me; I'm tired of the both of them calling out to me from a different room when they want to tell me something. "I want to tell you something, but it's not important enough for ME to get up and find YOU; you stop what you are doing and come to me." I'm fed up with that.

To his credit, DB came to me just now to tell me about the site he's on.

I worry about him being on the Internet with out one of us in the room, but so far he's still site-based and game/activity-based, like Playhouse Disney or PBS kids, but I still check in from time to time. If I sat with him and also watched every show with him the way I'd feel most comfortable (the way I used to when he first started to use both these mediums), I'd have no free time at all during his waking hours. None.