Personal Peace Project

Last night I met the impossibly adorable Ira Dressner and got to see some coaching in action, which was interesting. Husband has some coach training but I do not, so it was enlightening to see some "mock coaching" which Ira was then evaluating how the coaches did.

Also, very exciting, I was one of 2 raffle winners of a piece of Ira's energy jewelry. I am supposed to wear it for the next 30 days or so, and it will remind me of what it is that I want ... when Ira asked me, I said, Peace.

I was supposed to talk to the bracelet and ask it to help me, but I prayed instead that God would help me use the bracelet to help remind me of what I may need to do to find peace.

Ira has a process where he holds the item and charges it with energy; as he began he stopped suddenly and said, "You have something you need to take care of. Take care of it first."

I've got such a list I'm not even sure what that boils down to. Another baby? Working from home with Husband or not? Getting back on Zoloft? Visiting my mom? Moving (somewhere, anywhere)? Whew. But an intriguing statement, huh? What would you think of first if someone said that to you?

What's the Plan Here?

Lately I find I have much more to talk about on my other blog about DuckyBoy's school issues, like his struggles to keep his desk clean.

Actually it may not be that I have so much more to say but it's easier to talk about him than the jumble in my head about everything else. I'm excited about a new client but ambivalent about the potential success of the business long-term and therefore the amount of time I put in each day toward the rest of the business.

What I really want is an 8-to-2 job in Queens that pays at least $60k. Oh, prferably 4 days so I cans till volunteer at DB's school library on Fridays. Is that so impossible? Aren't all things possible with God?

Ah, God. I just don't know where God wants me right now. feel like the phone is silent, except for messages that keep saying "Trust God, lean on God." I want to say, "To do what? To go where? What is the plan here?" I hear mixed messages from the people in my house, specifically, "Take care of us and nothing else" but "Take care of ME not him," and also, "We want you to be happy." Um, guys? That's not working so well.

I'm all over the place -- haven't yet posted here that I'm going to BlogHer in July, but since I've got conference tickets and a hotel room at this point, I guess I'm committed!

Between now and then I've got a website to help get written and running, and a half-day seminar to prepare for.

I did some figuring yesterday and scribbled numbers of hours on a calendar to make sure I get everything done in time.

Was that ever eye-opening!

Turns out I don't have to spend the amount of time I kept giving lip service to ("Oh, yes, dear, I can put in 12 hours on this!!") to get it done with plenty of revision and meeting time built in, but I do need to sit at this desk more often if I want to post, read blogs, keep up with my emails, AND work on this business. (And be done when DB gets home from school and still go to the library on Fridays.)

It's good to know. Better than the vague explanse of empty time that stretched out before.

Wish me luck!

A Nice Family Day - Something I Don't Take for Granted

I have prayed that we would be able to enjoy time together as a family, and we had that happen today.

The morning was lazy as usual, though I did get DB to read to me AND practice his typing program.

Then we went out for lunch -- unusual for us to leave the house so early as noon -- and Husband and I picked the place. Though we did select a place DB would enjoy, it was not his choice.

After that, we went to Home Depot, Stop & Shop, and a liquor store. No arguments, no whining, not even a lot of annoying behaviors. From anyone...

Then again, we did cut them short at the beginning of the trip: About 1 block from our house DB asked me to tell a story -- one of his favorite things to request when he's bored -- and not only did I decline but, when he tried to determine when exactly I MIGHT tell that story he had requested, Husband intervened and said, "Not on this trip, and if you ask again, [appropriate consequence I can't remember]."

A few seconds later DB asked one or both of us "Do you love me?" and, since he asks us that ad nauseum these days, Husband again intervened immediately and said, "Know that we love you, and if you ask again, [another appropriate consequence I can't remember]."

After that, DB didn't ask for a story until we got home, and caught himself every time he asked "Do you love me," which was less than usual. At one time I offered my opinion that he may do that when he's bored, and why not since it's a way to get a positive response -- and I think what I said helped validate him as opposed to merely shut him down.

We also (finally) held our funeral for Skinny, the fish, today. DB said a few words and even a prayer after we buried him, and then we went to the playground which was a good distraction.

His prayer was something like this:

"God, Thank you for Skinny and what a good fish he was and how long he lived. And please let our next fish live even longer.
Skinny, you were a good fish and I miss you. Amen."

Parental Love

Most days after DB gets on the school bus, I come upstairs and feel a pang of worry, love, and hope for him. All I can do at that point is pray for his safety and his mental and emotional comfort for the day.

All I can do is hope I've prepared him the best I can for what he's going to face.

And he's only 6... what will I be like as he grows and the challenges increase?

Is this normal?

It makes me think about God's love for us, how much more God cares for us, thinks about us, hopes we'll make the right choices.

Do you think God worries? Seems outside the scope of emotion for a Divine Being. But the others for sure -- hope, love, concern.

After all, we have free will to make our own choices. No matter how much preparation we've gotten from whatever source worked for us -- church, Sunday School, kind neighbors, the Bible -- in the end we decide what to do.

Compared to God, we all have autism.

Finding Time for God

Last week I truly benefited from doing a devotional early in the morning. I was looking forward to a slightly relaxed morning with plenty of time to read, since I was going to drive DB to school today. I got up at 6 am -- close to the usual time -- expecting to spend 5 minutes making a phone call, take a shower, then spend some time with God.

The phone call(s) took half an hour. (Click link if you want to know why.)

Then, I took my shower, and by the time I was dressed, DB was up.
I got him settled on the couch and went to make his lunch.

I spied yesterday's leftover coffee and poured it into a microwavable pitcher and started heating it.

Then I filled the coffee maker.

Then I had to refill the Brita water pitcher.

Then my leftover coffee was hot so I poured a cup and had to refill the sugar bowl.

I noticed my phone on the counter and put it in my pocket.

That made me think about where my watch was...

And I hadn't yet started packing DB's lunch... or snack... or breakfast!

Of course I also hadn't done my devotional yet either, which made me think of all the things we do instead of spending time with God.

Last week went so well for all of us, I absolutely ascribe it to being grounded by that prayer and reading time. I'm not going to let that habit slip away.

And yes, I've done my reading this morning. I sat down as soon as I got home from driving DB to school.

Hopeful Friday

Haiku for Friday,
working on my action guide
The Lord has blessed me:

Just one little strike
First week back from vacation --
SO proud of DB.

A little me time
in quiet house yesterday
restoreth my soul.

DB gets "strikes" at school when he does something especially egregious (shouts, throws something or hits someone). The other kids get them too, sometimes. But this week, which is usually a hard transition back, he only has one so far!

We'll see about today -- it's assembly day, when someone else gets named citizen of the month. He can barely tolerate being ni the assembly at all, and then when they call someone else's name he usually shouts out angrily. I've sent a note to remind the teachers to remind him of expected behavior. We're going to practice not shouting in the car on the way to school.

And also the prayers will begin in 3,2,1...

Prayer for a School Day

God of all creation,
I ask that you be with DuckyBoy today,
comfort and guide him,
support and uplift him
wherever he is --
on the bus, in class,
in concert practice,
everywhere.

May he feel your love,
be filled with a sense of abundance,
and be moved to share his many blessings
with those around him.

Amen.