Ups and Downs

DuckyBoy has been doing really well lately -- at least at home. No word yet on the whole Citizen of the Month issue --and the assembly to announce February's winners is tomorrow so he's probably not going to get the honor this month. (But I've got the milk-free chocolate chips and nondairy shortening ready to go, when the time comes! The winners get to have lunch with the principal, and she makes chocolate chip cookies.)

It will be interesting to hear what the teachers have to say, next week at conferences, about how he's doing. It's only been a few weeks since we got the progress reports, wherein they said he was resistant to being challenged in math and they seemed put out by that.

One of the bloggers who inspired me to start, Kari at The Karianna Spectrum, just posted a book review (related to the "blog blast" last week about child's strengths) that starts by mentioning her brother's disinterest in high school math.

Now, granted, that was high school and this is kindergarten. But does it really matter if DuckyBoy is ahead of his grade level in math? Is it going to get him anything to be able to count by 20s a few months ahead of everyone else in his class?

I agree he could use a challenge at this point in the year; he knows what to expect most of the time at school and therefore is a bit weary of the whole thing. But if a math challenge doesn't jazz him, I think it's not the right challenge.

Perhaps, and I'm thinking out loud here to psych myself up for what I might suggest at parent-teacher conference next week, he could be challenged in Writing Center instead -- to write a longer story, or more complex, or on his own subject -- something like that. Hoo boy, I'd better take Husband with me. I'm very likely to chicken out at suggesting that. Teacher anxiety!!

Kari has always has been able to put into words what I am thinking, and her review of Your Child's Strengths is no exception. Her son is a year older than DuckyBoy; she writes:

I see qualities that will make him go far when he is older, but it is difficult for him to conform to societal expectations of who a first-grader should be. The exact qualities that make "spirited" children such a "burden" to their teachers are the same qualities that will help them think outside the box and be true innovators in adulthood.

That's how I often feel about DuckyBoy -- that SOME of the very qualities that frustrate his teachers and therapists are what is going to make him uniquely qualified to make HIS contribution to the world.

I try not to tell myself he will accomplish some Great Task, like cure cancer or hunger or go to Mars or some of the other outrageous things I sometimes imagine -- or he talks about, since he is, well, five, and that's what you're supposed to imagine when you're five. I've been reading about co-dependent mothers who think that way and, well, it ain't pretty. Unless you like Clay Aiken, I guess.

But anyway -- what I try to focus on is keeping an eye on the right mix of intervention and support that will enable him to function in society without losing who he is. And finding that right mix is often a murky and twisted path. (Is that a mixed metaphor? Sorry.)

I am reading Look Me in the Eye by John Robison -- thanks, Marg!! -- and he is clearly a genius in whatever area he chooses. His early life was difficult in part because he received little-to-no support for any of his ASD traits; my hope for DuckyBoy is that he will be able to accept himself for who he is earlier in life and go from there.

I also like what a complelling storyteller Robison is -- reminds me of my guy!