Life Is Like a Bad Committee

Husband just reminded me that in the midst of the lost day I will call Last Sunday, I opined that dealing with DuckyBoy is like being on a committee I can't get off of and can't say no to.

Ever been on one of those? It sounds so interesting upfront -- oh, this committee is in charge of This-and-That, and we meet Just-So-Often, and we have Plenty of Members.

Then, you go to your first meeting and it's just you and the Tired Old Chairwoman who's managed to drag herself there and muster enough enthusiasm to offload everything onto you. Crap! you think, This isn't what I signed up for.

But how do you get out of it? You still believe in the larger organization, you still think the committee has potential. You want it to work. OK, you hear yourself say, I'll work on this part, but then that turns into another part which requires research and phone calls and writing and haranguing other people and ugh.

But by then you're in so deep you just don't know how to get out. So you muddle along doing the best you can.

At least with committees there is usually a time limit, and in a year or two someone is going to come ask you if you want to still be on it, or you can go find the Nominating Committee and tell them, Gee, I feel so bad, but just have to cycle off for now.

But you don't get that with parenting.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
I ended this post here, then thought better of it. I don't want it to sound like I don't want to be DuckyBoy's mom. The problem stems from, to continue the metaphor, him being the reason for the committee (i.e., what I'm working for) and also the head of it --as in, I uh am beginning to realize perhaps I give him too much say in the matters of his life. Which affects the matters of mine.

So I have bad parenting habits that are hard to break -- going along with the flow, just as I'd do if I joined a Committee-Already-in-Progress, and what I'd call Just Doing Whatever in order to get to the next thing that seems more important. Trouble is, I've set a precedent for Not Having an Opinion, which amounts to Not Being in Charge. I didn't see that coming.

Come to think of it, that about sums up my career as well. Since I always knew I was Making a Conscious Decision to go along, I never knew why no one thought I had anything important to say when I did, on occasion, see something worth talking about.

So what's the alternative -- about work (since it's less painful and I can always circle back to parenting...)? To always give my opinion? To make a choice that's different from the other(s) at more-than-occasional times? Do I have to? Because honestly, much of the time I am in agreement with the main decision. So how do I come across as giving buy-in, not just being a yes-woman? Should I ask questions? State my reasons why I agree? Ah, now that one makes sense.

And that fits with the "thinking out loud" theory of helping ASD kids -- you talk through why you're doing something. (See, I said I would circle back.) I'll try to do that more.

While I also just plain try not to go along with DuckyBoy so much. He's ready for the challenge. And, I think, so am I.