Teacher spoke gruffly
I didn't like it at all
Had to go tell her.
I believe children should be spoken to with the same respect you would give an adult.
That doesn't necessarily mean children have to be treated the same way as an adult, after all, sometimes as the grown-ups we know what's best, but they deserve to know what's going on, as much as possible. Especially because they don't always understand the situation, or don't have any control over it, I believe they deserve a little extra care.
Especially kids who are highly intelligent, as they are actually thinking about what is going on and likely want to know why whatever is happening, is happening.
I think the teachers and everyone at DuckyBoy's school, at least all the people he's interacted with over the past school year, are like this most of the time. Which is why I was taken aback this morning when one of the adults he interacts with was very abrupt with him. "Harsh" is too harsh a word, so "gruff" comes to mind.
I, meek and mild I, actually went and spoke to her about it before I left the building. That's how upset I was. She apologized to me, but what I really hope is she conveys that to him as well. Everyone gets distracted, everyone jumps to a conclusion once in a while, and I am as sick of his whining as anyone on earth. But she knows transitions are one of his issues, and this.is.her.job to help him with them. Which should include speaking to him politely, when in this case she was about as not-nice as you could get (and have this type of job at all). Just my opinion, of course.
A couple of weeks ago I saw this same person be tough with him, and I knew in the situation why she did so, but at that time I felt she was a bit mean about it as well. I chalked it up to overprotective mom syndrome, ya know? Now this.
The teachers have been telling me for a couple of weeks that DuckyBoy has been being physically aggressive, which he hasn't been since early on in the school year.
"Using his body to communicate," was how they put it, which was a helpful way of phrasing it for me since he doesn't hit or kick or push me at home, but he does hug me too hard, push against me, and otherwise, well, use his body to communicate. So I've been able to call him on it and hopefully help change the behavior all around.
One of the teachers felt maybe the regression was due to the newly introduced topics of summer session, and first grade, which both spell c-h-a-n-g-e which spells s-t-r-e-s-s and a-n-x-i-e-t-y for DB.
Then what happened this morning, coupled with the way I felt about their interaction a few weeks ago, made me wonder if that relationship is in fact contributing to the problem as well. (Certainly not the only source of the problem, I'm sure anxiety plays a part, and probably the whole lack-of-a-disciplined-home-environment for an indulged-only-child issue does as well. I want to be very clear in case anyone from the school ever finds this blog.)
It can't be making him feel good about himself to be treated that way. It was very much a "You're wrong, now shut up and deal with it" attitude.
Of course, that's just how it made ME feel. I don't really know how it makes DB feel. But I don't know that he knows, either, so my guess is as good as anybody's. Actually, mine counts for a lot, I must remind myself, since I know him very well.
The other thing is that it makes a little voice pipe up in the back of my mind and whisper, "How about homeschooling?" Hmmm, I typed "choice" instead of "voice" in that paragraph. Interesting.
Anyway I wonder whether the school environment, any school environment, is really the right place for DuckyBoy to thrive. I want to him to be able to function in society, but I don't want to make him someone who tolerates situations that are not good for him simply because he's been forced to learn to do so.
Anybody else have any thoughts on this?
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Bummed for No Reason.
I am bummed this afternoon, and have no good reason for it. A bit of a hangover, not like an in-my-20's rip-roaring hangover but the aftereffects on my body of 1/2 a bottle of wine nonetheless. I also had a couple of encounters recently that left me feeling as though I have poor social skills and don't know what to do about that.
But! I had a nice time at the park this afternoon and I will move on.
Sometimes the hardest part of moving on is getting unstuck first.
But! I had a nice time at the park this afternoon and I will move on.
Sometimes the hardest part of moving on is getting unstuck first.
Summer's Coming
I'm getting a little worried about what to do with DuckyBoy during the half-days after summer school, and during the span after summer school is done.
I tend toward the easy option, which is staying home, thinking we'll do so many fun!! things, like make crafts, cook together, go to the park.
What usually happens, at least on single days off, is he spends half the day watching TV and the other half playing on the computer, and when I finally try to drag him outside he gives me hard time and it hardly seems worth it.
I think I should plan something specific, either at-home or out, for each specific day. Not really my style, only because then I get too rigid and feel all " We Must Do This Today. It's On The Schedule," but I think that'll help me.
So far I have the NY Hall of Science, Long Island Children's Museum, Queens Botanical Garden, and finding a particular coffee shop in Bed-Sty (the owner spoke at my Business Plan Class graduation), where I assume we'll drive past a playground at some point as well. And then there's the new swimming center in Corona Park. Indoor so we won't get sunburned, yeah! And my friend M says it's clean, thanks for checking it out!!
And the beach would be a good trip, too, out to Jones Beach or Robert Moses. Especially on a weekday, when the crowd will be lighter. Maybe we can get somebody to come with us.
Last summer we took one of those bus-around-the-city tours, DuckyBoy was excited about the trolley. There's also a bus that goes in the water for part of the route; maybe I'll do that with him this year. That reminds me of the Police Museum downtown, I've always wanted to go there. That could work on a Tuesday afternoon before we check out the song time, then game time, for the kids in the evenings at our Brooklyn church. (Gotta make that commute count!)
Good thing I'm writing these things down; otherwise, I tend to do none of them. And I'd better set a budget for summer activities, as some of these ideas are going to add up, especially when we factor in DuckyBoy's love of gift shops.
Now, on to vacation plans ... Since we didn't get the beach club this year, we'd like to spend a few weekends away from home. Guess who's in charge of planning those, or at least coming up with the ideas? Yes, moi.
And I like to do it, since I like to travel. But I have to fight my tendency to inaction, especially when it comes to planning activities that I know are going to cost money. If everything was free, I'd be all over, well, everything! I guess I can start with our budget, we're thinking 3 grand since that's what the beach club would have cost.
Can I plan 3 weekends for 3 grand, or only 2? I'll keep you posted!
I tend toward the easy option, which is staying home, thinking we'll do so many fun!! things, like make crafts, cook together, go to the park.
What usually happens, at least on single days off, is he spends half the day watching TV and the other half playing on the computer, and when I finally try to drag him outside he gives me hard time and it hardly seems worth it.
I think I should plan something specific, either at-home or out, for each specific day. Not really my style, only because then I get too rigid and feel all " We Must Do This Today. It's On The Schedule," but I think that'll help me.
So far I have the NY Hall of Science, Long Island Children's Museum, Queens Botanical Garden, and finding a particular coffee shop in Bed-Sty (the owner spoke at my Business Plan Class graduation), where I assume we'll drive past a playground at some point as well. And then there's the new swimming center in Corona Park. Indoor so we won't get sunburned, yeah! And my friend M says it's clean, thanks for checking it out!!
And the beach would be a good trip, too, out to Jones Beach or Robert Moses. Especially on a weekday, when the crowd will be lighter. Maybe we can get somebody to come with us.
Last summer we took one of those bus-around-the-city tours, DuckyBoy was excited about the trolley. There's also a bus that goes in the water for part of the route; maybe I'll do that with him this year. That reminds me of the Police Museum downtown, I've always wanted to go there. That could work on a Tuesday afternoon before we check out the song time, then game time, for the kids in the evenings at our Brooklyn church. (Gotta make that commute count!)
Good thing I'm writing these things down; otherwise, I tend to do none of them. And I'd better set a budget for summer activities, as some of these ideas are going to add up, especially when we factor in DuckyBoy's love of gift shops.
Now, on to vacation plans ... Since we didn't get the beach club this year, we'd like to spend a few weekends away from home. Guess who's in charge of planning those, or at least coming up with the ideas? Yes, moi.
And I like to do it, since I like to travel. But I have to fight my tendency to inaction, especially when it comes to planning activities that I know are going to cost money. If everything was free, I'd be all over, well, everything! I guess I can start with our budget, we're thinking 3 grand since that's what the beach club would have cost.
Can I plan 3 weekends for 3 grand, or only 2? I'll keep you posted!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Peeps, To-Do Lists, and Haiku
I don't plan to usually do this, but I want something positive at the top of the blog for the weekend, and may not get a chance to post something else so here is the latest Marshmallow Peeps adventure on DuckyBoy's blog (which is really done by me so far, though we did the photos together).
He and I had an interesting conversation, if it could be called that, about websites vs. blogs. We were playing with a new toy shark and he wanted to have a sharks website with pictures of his sharks (he has 3 now), and where his friends could put pics of their toy sharks also. So we went to GoDaddy, and "Yourtoysharks.com" was available for $10.
I didn't feel like going through the purchase process, since he'd have lost interest by then anyway, but in case he wanted to keep going right away I suggested we start a blog. But he said, No, a blog is for grown-ups. After some back and forth I realized he sees a website as something that will have games on it. Clearly he was thinking, If we make a website, games will be there.
I thought that was interesting, to see the Web through his eyes. The only sites he goes to have games, so it makes total sense.
So I explained that even if we created a website it wouldn't have games. And then I thought of one.. maybe our ItsYourInternet guy could program it... hmm.. something else for the to-do list!
Does anyone else have a list a mile long of things to do for, with, and about your kids? My problem is my list for DB keeps growing, and for Husband keeps growing, and meanwhile my list of things for me -- including a several-hundred-dollar Spanish-language course --sits collecting dust. Huh. Anybody have any tips? Other than "Stop writing blog posts and go do something else for yourself?"
Oh and hey, it's Haiku Friday once again! Another seemingly useless activity I do for myself. I think of it as one of those brain activities I do, like Sudoku, to help stave off Alzheimer's. Not sure it's working, I'll have DuckyBoy let you know in 30 years.
Mile-long to-do list
Reading for the husband next
but I slept in, yeah!!
He and I had an interesting conversation, if it could be called that, about websites vs. blogs. We were playing with a new toy shark and he wanted to have a sharks website with pictures of his sharks (he has 3 now), and where his friends could put pics of their toy sharks also. So we went to GoDaddy, and "Yourtoysharks.com" was available for $10.
I didn't feel like going through the purchase process, since he'd have lost interest by then anyway, but in case he wanted to keep going right away I suggested we start a blog. But he said, No, a blog is for grown-ups. After some back and forth I realized he sees a website as something that will have games on it. Clearly he was thinking, If we make a website, games will be there.
I thought that was interesting, to see the Web through his eyes. The only sites he goes to have games, so it makes total sense.
So I explained that even if we created a website it wouldn't have games. And then I thought of one.. maybe our ItsYourInternet guy could program it... hmm.. something else for the to-do list!
Does anyone else have a list a mile long of things to do for, with, and about your kids? My problem is my list for DB keeps growing, and for Husband keeps growing, and meanwhile my list of things for me -- including a several-hundred-dollar Spanish-language course --sits collecting dust. Huh. Anybody have any tips? Other than "Stop writing blog posts and go do something else for yourself?"
Oh and hey, it's Haiku Friday once again! Another seemingly useless activity I do for myself. I think of it as one of those brain activities I do, like Sudoku, to help stave off Alzheimer's. Not sure it's working, I'll have DuckyBoy let you know in 30 years.
Mile-long to-do list
Reading for the husband next
but I slept in, yeah!!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Bad Neighbors, Bad Video!
Uh, yeah. So I am editing this post to take down the video I shot this morning of the door of another apartment in my building. Thanks, Sara, although someone or someones I most dislike having know where I live have been in, uh, the apartment in question.
So anyway, for anyone else reading this, I shot a video (along with a couple of photos that are on Flickr) and posted it to YouTube to prove that the court notices, dated February (at least the one on top is), are in fact taped to the door as of today, June 5, 2008, so no one can say they weren't.
As a Christian, I felt bad about this yesterday. I felt bad about trying to keep these people out of my building. I feel like I should try to be loving to everyone, etc. etc. Then I realized: I am also supposed to fight evil. And so here is the story (well, a hint anyway) of my little stand, in case it's needed.
And as an update, now that the day is over I feel like there are official people who seem to be on the ball to make sure everything will be OK. It's not anything as horrible as it could seem in New York, like the former governor showing up at odd times of night, but ... let's leave it at this, I am saying prayers of protection and I am not the type of person to usually do that.
So anyway, for anyone else reading this, I shot a video (along with a couple of photos that are on Flickr) and posted it to YouTube to prove that the court notices, dated February (at least the one on top is), are in fact taped to the door as of today, June 5, 2008, so no one can say they weren't.
As a Christian, I felt bad about this yesterday. I felt bad about trying to keep these people out of my building. I feel like I should try to be loving to everyone, etc. etc. Then I realized: I am also supposed to fight evil. And so here is the story (well, a hint anyway) of my little stand, in case it's needed.
And as an update, now that the day is over I feel like there are official people who seem to be on the ball to make sure everything will be OK. It's not anything as horrible as it could seem in New York, like the former governor showing up at odd times of night, but ... let's leave it at this, I am saying prayers of protection and I am not the type of person to usually do that.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Better Here, Worse There
Huh. DuckyBoy has been so delightful the past 2 weekends we've practically been wondering who he is and what he did with the real DB.
And then, and then, his teacher Psssst'ed me at pickup time today. Uh, oh.
"We were wondering ... is anything different?" she asked, "because DB has been really aggressive this week."
She proceeded to explain that it's to the point where he's been hitting -- hitting!?! -- and today, after he was pulled away from a teacher he hit, he kicked the teacher who pulled him off!
And so, Friday he has a date with the principal. Apparently the threat of that alone was enough to make him calm down. I hope she can say something that makes it real how bad this behavior is.
Should I email her to suggest there be a real consequence of some sort, since talking seems to go in one ear and out the other after his initial upset over the words? She knows his diagnosis, but I'd love to help her make sure he gets How.Bad.It.Is to go to the principal's office.
See, she's a really nice lady. And it's elementary school. But still, my kindergartener should not have to go to the principal's office! I'm shaking in my shoes! And when I say to him, "It's really bad to get sent to the principal's office," he says,
"Why?"
Because in his eyes, he gets to have a nice chat with a nice grown-up who listens to him. Probably instead of Writing Workshop or a vigorous OT session or some other part of the day he dislikes.
Maybe he should have to miss recess.
And on another note, can anyone 'splain to me why the teacher has to tell me this at pickup time? What if I didn't pick him up today? Isn't things like this the reason why DB has to drag a composition book around Every.Single.Day, so they can write things like this to me?
And why can't he listen to what she says? If he can't hear it, why don't you write it in the notebook? And also, if he can't hear it, why try to speak to me right as I pick him up? Hello, have you met DuckyBoy? Are you not aware, after the Entire.Flippin.School.Year, that he has Mommy Issues? That he wants my attention for a few minutes when I first see him after school, and he is not going to run off and play while you try to speak to me?
My first-grade Sunday School teacher, who was also a teacher at my school, did that to me once. She wanted to speak to my mother, and made it clear she did not want me to hear what she said. I think the subject had to do with my intelligence.
I remember being confused and sad. What didn't she want me to know? How bad was it that I wasn't allowed to know, even though it was ABOUT ME?
Uh, um, this may be the root of my school-based inferiority issues ...
And then, and then, his teacher Psssst'ed me at pickup time today. Uh, oh.
"We were wondering ... is anything different?" she asked, "because DB has been really aggressive this week."
She proceeded to explain that it's to the point where he's been hitting -- hitting!?! -- and today, after he was pulled away from a teacher he hit, he kicked the teacher who pulled him off!
And so, Friday he has a date with the principal. Apparently the threat of that alone was enough to make him calm down. I hope she can say something that makes it real how bad this behavior is.
Should I email her to suggest there be a real consequence of some sort, since talking seems to go in one ear and out the other after his initial upset over the words? She knows his diagnosis, but I'd love to help her make sure he gets How.Bad.It.Is to go to the principal's office.
See, she's a really nice lady. And it's elementary school. But still, my kindergartener should not have to go to the principal's office! I'm shaking in my shoes! And when I say to him, "It's really bad to get sent to the principal's office," he says,
"Why?"
Because in his eyes, he gets to have a nice chat with a nice grown-up who listens to him. Probably instead of Writing Workshop or a vigorous OT session or some other part of the day he dislikes.
Maybe he should have to miss recess.
And on another note, can anyone 'splain to me why the teacher has to tell me this at pickup time? What if I didn't pick him up today? Isn't things like this the reason why DB has to drag a composition book around Every.Single.Day, so they can write things like this to me?
And why can't he listen to what she says? If he can't hear it, why don't you write it in the notebook? And also, if he can't hear it, why try to speak to me right as I pick him up? Hello, have you met DuckyBoy? Are you not aware, after the Entire.Flippin.School.Year, that he has Mommy Issues? That he wants my attention for a few minutes when I first see him after school, and he is not going to run off and play while you try to speak to me?
My first-grade Sunday School teacher, who was also a teacher at my school, did that to me once. She wanted to speak to my mother, and made it clear she did not want me to hear what she said. I think the subject had to do with my intelligence.
I remember being confused and sad. What didn't she want me to know? How bad was it that I wasn't allowed to know, even though it was ABOUT ME?
Uh, um, this may be the root of my school-based inferiority issues ...
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Speed Racer
Over 2 hours, and DuckyBoy was as good as at Cars, maybe even better. The graphics were amazing, and I think he was even able to follow the plot -- enough, anyway.
I was surprised at a couple of "bad words" -- a** is the one I remember. DB hears them from time to time but I didn't like to find them in a predominantly kids movie.
Husband and I enjoyed it also. I looked at my watch twice, which is always my benchmark of the pace of a movie. But this time once was just out of curiosity as to how much time had passed, and the second was because DB was concerned that at a certain point it might be just about over (there was still 20 minutes left).
We were just as happy to have missed most of the previews, though, because that would have clocked us in at over 2 and a half hours in the theater. As it was, the 11:05 showtime meant we all had popcorn and pretzels for breakfast!
This afternoon, DB was grouchy -- as grouchy as he was in the morning, shortly after I got up, when he wanted to play but was just ... too ... bored. So this afternoon I suggested he watch his triops swim around -- we have, like, 7 this time around! -- and wonder of wonders, he did actually find that relaxing. Yay, sometimes my ideas work!
He also wanted to paint a box to look like Mach 6, Speed Racer's car. When I was unable to produce a big enough box for him to sit in, he decided he wanted to repaint The Duck Truck -- an old cardboard apple box from 3 or 4 years ago that's seen a lot of action as The Duck Truck, thanks to me drawing wheels on the sides in crayon way back when. (Plus it has a door cut into one side, since when we first made it he was too small to climb in and out.)
So we did, and it looks great. Two things impressed me -- the length of time he was able to focus on painting one whole side of it; and his willingness to use the beloved Duck Truck for a new, bigger-boy interest.
As Trixie says in the movie, Cool beans!
I was surprised at a couple of "bad words" -- a** is the one I remember. DB hears them from time to time but I didn't like to find them in a predominantly kids movie.
Husband and I enjoyed it also. I looked at my watch twice, which is always my benchmark of the pace of a movie. But this time once was just out of curiosity as to how much time had passed, and the second was because DB was concerned that at a certain point it might be just about over (there was still 20 minutes left).
We were just as happy to have missed most of the previews, though, because that would have clocked us in at over 2 and a half hours in the theater. As it was, the 11:05 showtime meant we all had popcorn and pretzels for breakfast!
This afternoon, DB was grouchy -- as grouchy as he was in the morning, shortly after I got up, when he wanted to play but was just ... too ... bored. So this afternoon I suggested he watch his triops swim around -- we have, like, 7 this time around! -- and wonder of wonders, he did actually find that relaxing. Yay, sometimes my ideas work!
He also wanted to paint a box to look like Mach 6, Speed Racer's car. When I was unable to produce a big enough box for him to sit in, he decided he wanted to repaint The Duck Truck -- an old cardboard apple box from 3 or 4 years ago that's seen a lot of action as The Duck Truck, thanks to me drawing wheels on the sides in crayon way back when. (Plus it has a door cut into one side, since when we first made it he was too small to climb in and out.)
So we did, and it looks great. Two things impressed me -- the length of time he was able to focus on painting one whole side of it; and his willingness to use the beloved Duck Truck for a new, bigger-boy interest.
As Trixie says in the movie, Cool beans!
