How to Care for Your Bossy

Having had the delightful chance to be part of the first stop on Bossy's (No) Book Tour 2010, and being the helpful type who does things like take pictures with Bossy's camera of the cameraman taking pictures of Bossy, and make the cameraman feel welcome by chatting amiably with him -- we talked about his wife! honestly! ok, and his brilliant movie idea! -- I thought I would compose a few hints for those of you who are anxiously, I mean eagerly, awaiting Bossy's arrival in your town.

Here are a few items you should be sure to think of ahead of time, by which I mean at least a few minutes before Bossy arrives, to help make your Bossy comfortable in her new surroundings:

1. Do you have your Bossy's drink of choice?
Bossy likes cocktails. Does the place where you are meeting Bossy have good cocktails? Bonus points for cool cocktail glasses.

Remember, too, that your Bossy is driving, so make sure she can safely get to her bed for the night. (Though I hear she is planning to test out the comfortability of the backseat of her Ford Fusion, I don't think "I slept in the car because I was too drunk to drive" is what Ford had in mind when they gave Bossy the car for her tour.)

2. Do you have toys for your Bossy?
By toys I mean, of course, persons with a Y chromosome.

There is a wide range of acceptable male attendees. Charming, handsome and at-or-close-to legal age seem to be preferable qualities. Use your own good judgment based on who you'd want to greet you at an event in a strange city.

(You don't really have to worry to much about this one, as my few encounters with Bossy have indicated she has an unusual ability to attract this type of amusement on her own. I hope she'll post her secrets some day.)

3. Don't forget to feed your Bossy!
This should be obvious, but it's easy to get caught up in the excitement and forget things. Especially if you are in a back room with no waitress service. So do what you must to flag down that inattentive bartender and get some food!

4. Make sure you take pictures of your Bossy.
You have a beautiful Bossy in your midst; don't forget your camera, or charge your phone, or whatever you need to do.

You might want to grab a friend and practice the arms-length-photo-of-yourself-and-Bossy beforehand. Or, you can forget to do that and end up with pictures of everyone else and just hope you show up in someone else's photos as proof you were there. (Whew, I made it into one.)

Bossy Bonii:
(the word "bonuses" just isn't unique and special enough for Bossy)

5. Can you meet somewhere that will enable Bossy to see some Local Sights as well as enjoy everyone's company? Bossy has scheduled herself solid with driving, sleeping, and eating at Burger King, and as anyone who's driven on the US highways knows, that's no way to see the country. (If not, see #2 above.)

6. This is going to expose me as the 100% dweeb that I am, but I gotta be me, so here goes: If you're at all inclined this way, toss some pens into your bag or pocket. Specifically, your Bossy needs a coupla Sharpies (for nametags) and a coupla regular, blue or black ink pens (for photo/video disclaimers and signing Bossy's guestbook). You may even get them back!

Edited to add:
You may wish to schedule a recovery day for yourself following your Bossy Visit. I mean, Bossy was here Tuesday and no way could I sit at my computer long enough yesterday to write this.

Edited again to add the link to my Flickr photos.