OK, so I just want to get my two cents about this past week's American Idol up before next week starts, since our favorite got voted off!
Hard to believe Carly was the one to go. What about Jason with the dreadlocks? He is a train wreck every week and yet he continues!! I read a theory, on AOL no less, that Carly got voted off due to Christians being angered by her choice to sing Jesus Christ Superstar. That doesn’t totally make sense to me because you can’t “unvote” for someone, and also how many conservative Christians would have been voting for the tattooed rocker chick in the first place? Maybe 3?
Here’s my theory: Jason has a lot of teenybopper girls who like him (as does David Archuleta, and maybe David Cook, but they’re also better singers). These girls have the time and hormones to hit redial over and over to vote for their favorite a bunch of times, no matter how he did. Husband and I, sitting at home in our comfy adjustable bed, have to make a real effort to get up and GET the phone, let alone dial more than once. One week we did vote twice for Carly. Woo!
I also couldn't believe Syesha was the other person in the bottom 2. I thought her number rocked! So I linked to it on the right.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Teaching DuckyBoy
Yesterday was host to a couple of little-yet-big conversations.
On the way out the door, for some reason DB asked me if one of his friends was Christian. I said no, and he said, “So she doesn’t believe in God?”
I said, Well, I think her parents were raised going to church, so they may believe in God, but I don’t know what they tell X. And then, because I know how deeply he listens sometimes, I went on, They may believe in God but not church.
Now, this whole conversation is in the hallway of our apartment building as we’re heading out to the playground, which I find funny for some reason…
Anyway, I said, Sometimes people in church are mean to each other, just like not in church. But the thing is, it’s worse when people in church are mean, because there they are in church learning all about love and caring for each other! And I left him with that. Because I just don’t know what he’ll remember or what he’ll do, what God’s plan are for him someday.
Then at the playground DB was pushing past some teenagers to get to the rings; I was like, Dude, you gotta be nice to the bigger kids, otherwise when you get big enough, they’ll remember you as the annoying twerp and beat you up! So, I know he takes me literally and I want to give him helpful advice, so I said: If you’re going to be bossy, you’ve got to be one of two things: fast, or funny. Of course, he asked why, so I explained. He picked fast, then decided he wanted to be both – he’s going to tell them jokes AS he runs away!! For the age of 5, I’m satisfied.
On the way out the door, for some reason DB asked me if one of his friends was Christian. I said no, and he said, “So she doesn’t believe in God?”
I said, Well, I think her parents were raised going to church, so they may believe in God, but I don’t know what they tell X. And then, because I know how deeply he listens sometimes, I went on, They may believe in God but not church.
Now, this whole conversation is in the hallway of our apartment building as we’re heading out to the playground, which I find funny for some reason…
Anyway, I said, Sometimes people in church are mean to each other, just like not in church. But the thing is, it’s worse when people in church are mean, because there they are in church learning all about love and caring for each other! And I left him with that. Because I just don’t know what he’ll remember or what he’ll do, what God’s plan are for him someday.
Then at the playground DB was pushing past some teenagers to get to the rings; I was like, Dude, you gotta be nice to the bigger kids, otherwise when you get big enough, they’ll remember you as the annoying twerp and beat you up! So, I know he takes me literally and I want to give him helpful advice, so I said: If you’re going to be bossy, you’ve got to be one of two things: fast, or funny. Of course, he asked why, so I explained. He picked fast, then decided he wanted to be both – he’s going to tell them jokes AS he runs away!! For the age of 5, I’m satisfied.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The New Jan on The Block
I saw the guys from "New Kids on the Block" on the Today show a few weeks ago. I could not believe how many screaming women were standing there; the host and the guys could hardly be heard above the din.
Then I heard an old NKOTB song on a cable music channel a few days later and I was slapped in the face by my lack of romanticism. (My apologies, Alba, your Romantic poems are classics to be sure!)
The song was all, "Oh girl, I want you to be mine, you're so special, yadda yadda." I'm listening to it and thinking, What B.S.! Guys do NOT think like that. Some woman writer wrote that and some producer told them to sing it, and the little girls fell for it.
Which is very unlike the old me. My teenage rock-star crushes were Shaun Cassidy and Leif Garrett. They were way before NKOTB but just as lame, I'm sure. I actually remember crying as I listened to one song over and over -- it was probably the same type of "You're so special I just can't live without you" type of crap.
And now although I still think of myself as loving and caring, I also am such a different person that I have a hard time knowing who I'm looking at when I go past a mirror. Is that a 40's thing? A "married 13 years" thing? A "the kid's in school all day now" thing? Who knows. I only know it's not always easy to integrate new me with old me.
Then I heard an old NKOTB song on a cable music channel a few days later and I was slapped in the face by my lack of romanticism. (My apologies, Alba, your Romantic poems are classics to be sure!)
The song was all, "Oh girl, I want you to be mine, you're so special, yadda yadda." I'm listening to it and thinking, What B.S.! Guys do NOT think like that. Some woman writer wrote that and some producer told them to sing it, and the little girls fell for it.
Which is very unlike the old me. My teenage rock-star crushes were Shaun Cassidy and Leif Garrett. They were way before NKOTB but just as lame, I'm sure. I actually remember crying as I listened to one song over and over -- it was probably the same type of "You're so special I just can't live without you" type of crap.
And now although I still think of myself as loving and caring, I also am such a different person that I have a hard time knowing who I'm looking at when I go past a mirror. Is that a 40's thing? A "married 13 years" thing? A "the kid's in school all day now" thing? Who knows. I only know it's not always easy to integrate new me with old me.
Milk: It's What's for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
We planned a while back to let DuckyBoy go off the no-casein diet during Spring Break this week. (For those not in the know, casein is a protein in cow's milk, and also used to make a lot of lactose-free or "non-dairy" items, like cheeses, have a better mouthfeel. Allergy to casein, as well as gluten, are fairly common among children with autism, though much of the info is anecdotal.)
DuckyBoy certainly remembered and was clearly looking forward to it; I think it was Saturday morning when he said, "Hey, since it's Spring Break, can I have..." In fact it may even have been Friday night.
So, he's digging butter on his toast and popcorn, and pizza with real cheese. At first he couldn't taste the difference between the Earth Balance spread and the butter, but I knew from The Peanut Butter Issue that wouldn't last. Sure enough, halfway through the toast (he requested one slice with "our butter" and one slice with "Daddy's butter," as we call it) he'd decided he preferred the Daddy butter.
You know what he seems to be enjoying the most? Kid Cuisine (think TV dinners). They have a cute penguin character on the ads, and they ALL have cheese; mac and cheese, pizza, and a cheeseburger are the entrees. We made a special trip to the grocery store --the whole family -- to get some, and so far he's already had 2. And he's really eating them -- even trying the corn! Wow!
I know, I know: Getting a 5-year-old to eat macaroni and cheese, fruit gummies, and one-quarter of an already-small serving of corn should not be cause for celebration. All I can say is, Welcome to Jan's life. I'll move over to make room for you.
I like that some of his choices are still nondairy (he picked a Popsicle-type thing from the ice-cream truck, and he wanted chocolate almond milk instead of cow's-milk chocolate milk this morning).
So far, it seems as though the milk products shorten his frustration tolerance. By a lot. But then again, sometimes we all have better days than others. Today I didn't notice hardly anything that seemed out of the ordinary. He was a little more clingy to me, maybe. But that's normal for him on a day off when he spends it with me.
He has many more tools in his emotional arsenal for dealing with frustration than he did 2 years ago when we put him on this diet; he also has more experience calming down, and more (I hope) trust that we will help him make sure things work out.
If he continues to wig out more often on the cheese than off, I'll want to eliminate it again, but it sure was nice to order a pizza for the 3 of us for dinner. And to eat together at a diner this weekend without having to drag special margarine, soy milk for the coffee, worry about the scrambled eggs, etc. etc. He can eat the hot lunch (and the breakfast) at school if he can eat milk.
So at this point, there's a big upside to going off. I have my fingers crossed that the downside won't be too bad this week!
DuckyBoy certainly remembered and was clearly looking forward to it; I think it was Saturday morning when he said, "Hey, since it's Spring Break, can I have..." In fact it may even have been Friday night.
So, he's digging butter on his toast and popcorn, and pizza with real cheese. At first he couldn't taste the difference between the Earth Balance spread and the butter, but I knew from The Peanut Butter Issue that wouldn't last. Sure enough, halfway through the toast (he requested one slice with "our butter" and one slice with "Daddy's butter," as we call it) he'd decided he preferred the Daddy butter.
You know what he seems to be enjoying the most? Kid Cuisine (think TV dinners). They have a cute penguin character on the ads, and they ALL have cheese; mac and cheese, pizza, and a cheeseburger are the entrees. We made a special trip to the grocery store --the whole family -- to get some, and so far he's already had 2. And he's really eating them -- even trying the corn! Wow!
I know, I know: Getting a 5-year-old to eat macaroni and cheese, fruit gummies, and one-quarter of an already-small serving of corn should not be cause for celebration. All I can say is, Welcome to Jan's life. I'll move over to make room for you.
I like that some of his choices are still nondairy (he picked a Popsicle-type thing from the ice-cream truck, and he wanted chocolate almond milk instead of cow's-milk chocolate milk this morning).
So far, it seems as though the milk products shorten his frustration tolerance. By a lot. But then again, sometimes we all have better days than others. Today I didn't notice hardly anything that seemed out of the ordinary. He was a little more clingy to me, maybe. But that's normal for him on a day off when he spends it with me.
He has many more tools in his emotional arsenal for dealing with frustration than he did 2 years ago when we put him on this diet; he also has more experience calming down, and more (I hope) trust that we will help him make sure things work out.
If he continues to wig out more often on the cheese than off, I'll want to eliminate it again, but it sure was nice to order a pizza for the 3 of us for dinner. And to eat together at a diner this weekend without having to drag special margarine, soy milk for the coffee, worry about the scrambled eggs, etc. etc. He can eat the hot lunch (and the breakfast) at school if he can eat milk.
So at this point, there's a big upside to going off. I have my fingers crossed that the downside won't be too bad this week!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Beautiful Weather
Gorgeous summer afternoon here in NY! Always helps with the mood, ya know? Let's see, DuckyBoy reported that a funny thing happened at center time today:
A. picked out the wrong center, he said. She always wants to do drawing center, but Ms R. said "We can't have the same centers every day." Isn't that funny? he asks me.
Yes, I say, And, so? I say, on the edge of my seat about this kindergarten drama. So? What center did she pick??
Um, I don't know, he trailed off. I think maybe she sat. Which would mean she just didn't do a center, I guess? I'll never know!!
But he thought it was funny and told me the story, so that's a pretty big deal. I'll live without the satisfaction of knowing how center time actually turned out for his friend!
A. picked out the wrong center, he said. She always wants to do drawing center, but Ms R. said "We can't have the same centers every day." Isn't that funny? he asks me.
Yes, I say, And, so? I say, on the edge of my seat about this kindergarten drama. So? What center did she pick??
Um, I don't know, he trailed off. I think maybe she sat. Which would mean she just didn't do a center, I guess? I'll never know!!
But he thought it was funny and told me the story, so that's a pretty big deal. I'll live without the satisfaction of knowing how center time actually turned out for his friend!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Friends
OK, so I am still mad today but my friends are slowly pulling me out of the funk I am in. Part of me is still there, and still needs to be there, but it feels better tonight to have some of those feelings not be so front and center.
My mom is home, sans gallbladder. And whether it was so great to live through, I haven't gotten her take on it yet, but according to my sister, at least Mom knows she got a good story out of it. Believe me, this matters when you live in a community of retirees!
And, in an odd parallel, I also went to the doctor today. It was surprisingly difficult; I went in thinking it was just a routine followup, but it was more emotional than I expected. Interestingly, the doctor knew that, and in fact was the one who brought it up. Which was very reassuring, since I hate negative emotions and usually feel embarrassed by them and then just want to make them go away as fast as possible!
My mom is home, sans gallbladder. And whether it was so great to live through, I haven't gotten her take on it yet, but according to my sister, at least Mom knows she got a good story out of it. Believe me, this matters when you live in a community of retirees!
And, in an odd parallel, I also went to the doctor today. It was surprisingly difficult; I went in thinking it was just a routine followup, but it was more emotional than I expected. Interestingly, the doctor knew that, and in fact was the one who brought it up. Which was very reassuring, since I hate negative emotions and usually feel embarrassed by them and then just want to make them go away as fast as possible!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Random Thoughts: Anger and Gall
I'm so angry today that I made myself tired. And I haven't even begun to say anything to the person I'm angry at. I don't have much practice being mad, so I hardly know what to do. It's ironic that I was looking over the draft of DuckyBoy's IEP yesterday morning, and there's a couple of goals about him modulating his outbursts and improving his communication with other people ... and here I was today hardly able to speak a civil word to anyone as I've worked myself up so much about one person that I can hardly think straight. God does have a sense of humor for sure.
If you're reading this and are a praying person, please pray that my mom recovers successfully from gallbladder surgery; she got a double dose today, as first the organ itself was removed and then they had to wake her up, wait a few hours, and go back in (through the throat, no less!?) to remove a stone that was stuck somewhere. Eww! So what was supposed to be outpatient now has her staying overnight.
She lives in a community of all older folks like herself -- some 10 or so years older than her 80+ years -- and she said when she told everyone she needed gallbladder surgery, everyone had a story! So now she will have one as well. I was just glad that obviously so many lived to tell about it!! So my hope for her is a speedy recovery and to go home tomorrow.
If you're reading this and are a praying person, please pray that my mom recovers successfully from gallbladder surgery; she got a double dose today, as first the organ itself was removed and then they had to wake her up, wait a few hours, and go back in (through the throat, no less!?) to remove a stone that was stuck somewhere. Eww! So what was supposed to be outpatient now has her staying overnight.
She lives in a community of all older folks like herself -- some 10 or so years older than her 80+ years -- and she said when she told everyone she needed gallbladder surgery, everyone had a story! So now she will have one as well. I was just glad that obviously so many lived to tell about it!! So my hope for her is a speedy recovery and to go home tomorrow.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Proudly Announcing...
DuckyBoy got the Citizen of the Month award today! Wahoo! He's been working so hard. And even this morning, and even mid-day after their classroom Writing Celebration, he was still down about assembly today, wondering when it was going to be his turn.
His dad and I hid when the K students went into the auditorium, and then he saw us a little while later. When the principal announced his name, he pumped his fists in the air and jumped up and down for joy! It was great.
Pictures are going up on FlickR momentarily...
His dad and I hid when the K students went into the auditorium, and then he saw us a little while later. When the principal announced his name, he pumped his fists in the air and jumped up and down for joy! It was great.
Pictures are going up on FlickR momentarily...
Monday, April 7, 2008
A Different Sisterhood
Downer alert: This post isn’t as funny as (I hope) I usually am.
Some of you know this already. I was counting down a few weeks to announce my pregnancy, but last Thursday we got some sad news.
So now I’ve joined a different sisterhood, one I never thought I’d join, the one of women who have miscarried. Up to half of women have, says my kind new doctor. The March of Dimes says 20 to 30 percent. Out of 5 women I spoke to, 3 had either had one or knew someone who did, so that’s running closer to the doctor’s number.
On the one hand I feel guilty for feeling so much better, physically, than I have in weeks. On the other hand I feel guilty about everything I did in the past 2 weeks: Was it because I stood in front of the microwave? Took care of my son when he was ill? Fought with my husband? Ate those 2 bites of not-steaming-hot lunchmeat before I read that you’re not supposed to? In reality it probably was not any of those things. But those thoughts go through my head at random times.
We weren’t planning to have another baby, but we hadn’t been being careful about NOT having one, either, unless being too tired to do more than watch TV every night counts as contraception. I was still in the overwhelmed, can-I-do-this stage. And just starting to think about how maybe I could. And now it’s over.
It’s a strange feeling. Empty. Which in a way, ironically, sums up how I’ve been feeling anyway for quite a while. I just hadn’t been able to name it.
This blog has helped me not feel so empty. So I’ll just keep blabbing here for a bit this morning.
Like, about doctors. When I had DuckyBoy we lived in Brooklyn, and so of course my doctors were all Manhattan. I haven’t even had a gyn checkup in a few years because I so dread the trek into Manhattan from here. So needless to say I wasn’t keen to use the same obstetrics group again. Both doctors were nice but I wasn’t crazy about the delivery at Mt Sinai anyway, so to make a long story short I was shopping for an ob out here in Queens.
I’m very leery of doctors in Queens. I had a bad experience with DuckyBoy’s first Queens pediatricians; they weren't horrible, but in the end we switched to my original choice, Dr. Eden. I edited his column at American Baby for years, so I felt I knew him and I trust his choice of associate.
There’s a nice internist across the street from me, and one dermatologist who had an extremely long wait in the waiting room and another who, while seemingly fine, in the end hacked up my thumb pretty good to get rid of a wart. Anyone else might have done the same, and it was his last resort to do the surgery, but still. Left with a minor bad feeling I am.
So there I was a few weeks ago, with a positive pregnancy test and no ob. Only one friend who’s been pregnant in Queens. And I was trying to wait to tell people I was pregnant, so I didn’t really want to have to ask her.
Oh, and since Husband is self-employed now (a consultant), we have different insurance: hospitalization coverage, plus something called “Multiplan,” which is a volume-discount type of program (you pay the doctor for each visit, but you’re supposed to be charged the rate an insurance company would be billed at).
So I did what any self-respecting modern women would do: I looked online. I got names from both insurance-plan directories, Googled “Forest Hills obstetricians,” and read local parent message boards. I’m barely active on the boards, so what I found I wasn’t confident of.
Did some online research of local hospitals and called their physician referral service to get 3 names.
I even called Dr. Eden’s office; I love him and his staff, but here’s what the office manager said: “There’s one across the hall, they have nice offices and a lot of people going in and out, I can run over and get a card for you if you like.” I know she was trying very much to help, but that’s not exactly the rave referral I was looking for?! I took the name anyway; it turned out to be one I'd heard of from the message board.
The only rave referral I got was for someone in Manhattan, which is what I was trying to avoid.
So I was compiling a list of names and questions, dreading setting up a few informational appointments because I know the doctors hate those questions, roll their eyes, etc. and yet I did not want to NOT ask them.
And then the issue came to a head when I was bleeding, more than spotting, on Thursday morning.
I called everyone on the list and said, “I’m about 10 weeks pregnant, I haven’t seen an ob yet, and I’m bleeding.” I got an interesting variety of responses:
• Not in the office today.
• He can’t see you until next week.
• Even if you were our patient we’d tell you to go to the ER. (This already was my last resort, but since I wasn’t an emergency by ER standards, I knew I could be sitting there for a looooong time.)
• We’re booked but you can come sit in the waiting room and we’ll try to fit you in.
• He’s/She's no longer doing obstetrics but here’s someone else’s number.
I got this last response twice; once from one of the docs whose name was given to me by the hospital referral service (!) -- so a blind referral from a blind referral seemed way too random and I did not want to call.
The second time was from the office recommended by my friend in Queens. When I was spotting on Wednesday I had a feeling I needed someone soon, so I asked her. Of course, turns out she delivered in Manhattan, but she now sees a Long Island doctor she’s happy with. So when her doctor’s office gave me another name, I was willing to call. At least I knew someone who knew someone…
They were the last phone number I had -- and they were the only office able to give me an appointment. And I think God was in the details, since the doctor and his nurse were so nice and kind. And so was everyone at the surgical center they sent us to.
So now I feel relieved, sad, grateful, confused, ready to get back to the plans I was making before I took that pregnancy test, and empty. All at once. I believe God has plans for me, I don’t believe God makes babies die, and I believe the best way to move forward with my life is with God’s help. Would it be strange to say, “Amen”?
Some of you know this already. I was counting down a few weeks to announce my pregnancy, but last Thursday we got some sad news.
So now I’ve joined a different sisterhood, one I never thought I’d join, the one of women who have miscarried. Up to half of women have, says my kind new doctor. The March of Dimes says 20 to 30 percent. Out of 5 women I spoke to, 3 had either had one or knew someone who did, so that’s running closer to the doctor’s number.
On the one hand I feel guilty for feeling so much better, physically, than I have in weeks. On the other hand I feel guilty about everything I did in the past 2 weeks: Was it because I stood in front of the microwave? Took care of my son when he was ill? Fought with my husband? Ate those 2 bites of not-steaming-hot lunchmeat before I read that you’re not supposed to? In reality it probably was not any of those things. But those thoughts go through my head at random times.
We weren’t planning to have another baby, but we hadn’t been being careful about NOT having one, either, unless being too tired to do more than watch TV every night counts as contraception. I was still in the overwhelmed, can-I-do-this stage. And just starting to think about how maybe I could. And now it’s over.
It’s a strange feeling. Empty. Which in a way, ironically, sums up how I’ve been feeling anyway for quite a while. I just hadn’t been able to name it.
This blog has helped me not feel so empty. So I’ll just keep blabbing here for a bit this morning.
Like, about doctors. When I had DuckyBoy we lived in Brooklyn, and so of course my doctors were all Manhattan. I haven’t even had a gyn checkup in a few years because I so dread the trek into Manhattan from here. So needless to say I wasn’t keen to use the same obstetrics group again. Both doctors were nice but I wasn’t crazy about the delivery at Mt Sinai anyway, so to make a long story short I was shopping for an ob out here in Queens.
I’m very leery of doctors in Queens. I had a bad experience with DuckyBoy’s first Queens pediatricians; they weren't horrible, but in the end we switched to my original choice, Dr. Eden. I edited his column at American Baby for years, so I felt I knew him and I trust his choice of associate.
There’s a nice internist across the street from me, and one dermatologist who had an extremely long wait in the waiting room and another who, while seemingly fine, in the end hacked up my thumb pretty good to get rid of a wart. Anyone else might have done the same, and it was his last resort to do the surgery, but still. Left with a minor bad feeling I am.
So there I was a few weeks ago, with a positive pregnancy test and no ob. Only one friend who’s been pregnant in Queens. And I was trying to wait to tell people I was pregnant, so I didn’t really want to have to ask her.
Oh, and since Husband is self-employed now (a consultant), we have different insurance: hospitalization coverage, plus something called “Multiplan,” which is a volume-discount type of program (you pay the doctor for each visit, but you’re supposed to be charged the rate an insurance company would be billed at).
So I did what any self-respecting modern women would do: I looked online. I got names from both insurance-plan directories, Googled “Forest Hills obstetricians,” and read local parent message boards. I’m barely active on the boards, so what I found I wasn’t confident of.
Did some online research of local hospitals and called their physician referral service to get 3 names.
I even called Dr. Eden’s office; I love him and his staff, but here’s what the office manager said: “There’s one across the hall, they have nice offices and a lot of people going in and out, I can run over and get a card for you if you like.” I know she was trying very much to help, but that’s not exactly the rave referral I was looking for?! I took the name anyway; it turned out to be one I'd heard of from the message board.
The only rave referral I got was for someone in Manhattan, which is what I was trying to avoid.
So I was compiling a list of names and questions, dreading setting up a few informational appointments because I know the doctors hate those questions, roll their eyes, etc. and yet I did not want to NOT ask them.
And then the issue came to a head when I was bleeding, more than spotting, on Thursday morning.
I called everyone on the list and said, “I’m about 10 weeks pregnant, I haven’t seen an ob yet, and I’m bleeding.” I got an interesting variety of responses:
• Not in the office today.
• He can’t see you until next week.
• Even if you were our patient we’d tell you to go to the ER. (This already was my last resort, but since I wasn’t an emergency by ER standards, I knew I could be sitting there for a looooong time.)
• We’re booked but you can come sit in the waiting room and we’ll try to fit you in.
• He’s/She's no longer doing obstetrics but here’s someone else’s number.
I got this last response twice; once from one of the docs whose name was given to me by the hospital referral service (!) -- so a blind referral from a blind referral seemed way too random and I did not want to call.
The second time was from the office recommended by my friend in Queens. When I was spotting on Wednesday I had a feeling I needed someone soon, so I asked her. Of course, turns out she delivered in Manhattan, but she now sees a Long Island doctor she’s happy with. So when her doctor’s office gave me another name, I was willing to call. At least I knew someone who knew someone…
They were the last phone number I had -- and they were the only office able to give me an appointment. And I think God was in the details, since the doctor and his nurse were so nice and kind. And so was everyone at the surgical center they sent us to.
So now I feel relieved, sad, grateful, confused, ready to get back to the plans I was making before I took that pregnancy test, and empty. All at once. I believe God has plans for me, I don’t believe God makes babies die, and I believe the best way to move forward with my life is with God’s help. Would it be strange to say, “Amen”?
